Never Look Back - Belonging
by Sad-Blue-Eyed-Angel 2010
Summary: Sequel to Never Stop Looking - Alan has returned to live with his family after six years of bouncing between foster homes. Things however are far from perfect as the family struggles to reacquaint themselves with the abused youth. Can the family repair their lost lamb or will they lose him again in more ways than one? Warning mentions of various forms of abuse. Rated M to be safe.
1. Nightmare

_Tears welled in the dim blue eyes, the light shining in from Devon's bedroom lamp – the trick door within the closet was closed tight and yet he was still told to be quiet by his new big brother. Curling up into a tight ball Alan covered his ears and tried not to cry out as he heard his new big brother screaming at his new daddy. Ray was livid. He'd just taken care of the man who brought Alan to him and now it was time for that little boy to learn his place in the family._

_ "You are not going to lay even one finger on him do you hear me?!" Devon yelled, the trick closet going dark as the lamp that had been illuminating Devon's bedroom was apparently used as a weapon and thrown. The sound of shattering ceramic made Alan curl up tighter if that was possible and his shoulders heaved as he swallowed his sobs._

_ "That boy needs to learn his place in this family! If he's goin to be a Thomas then he's got to learn his place!" The sound of a belt unbuckling was heard before the sound of leather meeting skin was heard. "He can't go through life without knowing where he stands in this family unit!"_

_ "He's just a little boy! Leave him alone!" Devon bellowed before a loud thunderous boom was heard. Devon had just tackled Ray to the ground in attempt to protect his new little brother._

_ Alan bit his lip and could taste the acidic bloody taste as he'd punctured his bottom lip from how hard he'd bitten. Continuing to cover his ears, Alan allowed the tears to fall freely. He was terrified._

_ "I'm a good boy…I'm a good boy." Alan whispered to himself as he heard Ray continually beat up Devon. "I'm a…"_

_ The trick door in Devon's closet opened up and there standing in the doorway was the formidable form of his new daddy Ray Thomas. Ray reached down and latched onto little Alan's forearm and dragged him from the closet. Alan resisted as much as he could, pulling and grappling onto Ray's hand in attempt to free himself so he could flee, but the man's grip was much too strong._

_ Ray wrenched around and slapped Alan straight across the face, his hit being hard enough to give little Alan a busted lip. Alan became limp for a short while as he had gotten the sense knocked out of him before he resumed struggling. Devon laid on the floor, struggling to get up in order to protect his new little brother._

_ "Please! Don't hurt him dad!" Devon raised his head to plead with Ray. "I'll take his punishment for him, just please don't hurt him!"_

_ "As sweet as that sounds…it makes me sick. This little bastard needs to learn his place!" Ray threw Alan down to the ground and grabbed onto the belt which he'd left lying on Devon's bed. Raising his arm, he brought the metal belt buckle down onto Alan's clothed back, repeating the action five and six times, each scream Alan released seeming to spur Ray on to continue the beating._

"_Stop it!" Devon jumped in front of Alan and the metal belt buckle caught Devon round the side of the head, leaving a nice sized cut and welt in the shape of a belt buckle on his temple. "Give me the rest! At the rate you're going you'll kill him!"_

_Ray didn't seem to blink an eye at Devon protecting the little boy. _

"_Fine…you want to take his punishment, then so be it!" Ray shoved Devon to the ground and raised his arm and began to bring down blows onto Devon's bruised and battered body._

_Alan remained where he lay on the floor covering his head. His back and his bottom hurt, come to think of it…so did his arms and shoulders. Everywhere hurt really, but mostly his back. Holding perfectly still Alan continued to listen as Ray beat and whipped Devon with his belt. When the man tired, he ran his belt back through the loops in his jeans and buckled the belt before leaving both boys lying on the floor._

"Alan! Come on buddy wake up…it's okay."

John felt helpless as he had turned on Alan's bedroom light as he raced into Alan's bedroom. The blood curdling screams of '_I'm a good boy'_ and the name Devon would forever haunt John. He sat on the bed, Alan pulled tight in his arms rocking the boy back and forth.

John rested his head in the fluff of blonde hair which felt partially damp beneath his cheek. The thumping of running footsteps drew John's attention and he raised his eyes solemnly as his father and brothers rocketed into the room, having been woken out of a sound sleep by Alan's plaintiff screams.

"What's wrong with him John?!" Scott stepped forward, his voice loud and anxious. He clamped his mouth shut when John held a finger up in front of his mouth, signaling for Scott to be quiet.

"He's in the throes of a panic attack, you have to be quiet." John continually rocked Alan back and forth holding onto Alan tightly as the boy continued to writhe in his arms.

"I'm a good boy!" Alan threw his head back and it connected painfully with John's collarbone, but while he grimaced he didn't relinquish his hold on Alan. Jeff stepped forward to try to touch Alan and John waved him away.

"He can't be touched when he's like this…he'll become more combative." John anxiously whispered to his family. "Keep your voices quiet and calm…he can't hear yelling."

"Why the hell not?" Scott raised his voice to normal talking volume and John frantically gestured for Scott to lower his voice.

"Loud voices trigger flashbacks..." John hissed as he held Alan's hand, their fingers interlocked and he rhythmically tapped Alan's tiny fist against his sternum. He'd found when Alan snuck into his bed with him after a bad dream or nightmare and suffered an attack that was one way to calm Alan was to create a synthetic heartbeat by tapping Alan's fist against Alan's sternum.

"What should we do?" Gordon gazed sadly at his only little brother and bit his lip, revealing the colorful array of brackets Gordon had for his braces.

"Let it pass…and prepare for a possible puke fest." John tightened his grip on Alan and increased the tempo of the rhythm in which John tapped against Alan's sternum. John pressed a gentle kiss against Alan's temple and continued to murmur at his brother, trying to bring him out of his latest attack. "That's it kiddo…come back to me."

Alan's hand tightened around the fabric of John's sleep pants, the sweat dripped down Alan's forehead. John reached up with his free hand and palmed Alan's forehead, brushing back Alan's bangs in attempt to cool the kid.

"Virge, bring Al's trash can closer…usually when he has an attack this bad, he's usually as sick as a dog immediately following coming out of it." John motioned with his head and made a grunt of approval when Virgil set the trashcan on Alan's bed, within reach if Alan did get sick.

"What do you mean by…usually?" Gordon leaned forward, wanting to know what was wrong with his little brother.

"Um…ask dad." John focused all his attention on Alan when the boy's head lolled to one side. "Come on little buddy, time to wake up for me."

Alan groaned, and his eyes scrunched together. John reached out and tentatively rubbed a knuckle on Alan's cheek, trying to awaken the boy from his terrified slumber. When Alan's eyes opened, the first thing he saw was John. Looking around in confusion, he found he was still in his own bed and yet his big brother John as well as the rest of his family were gathered in his room.

"Gords, can you slip into the bathroom and get Al a small sip of water?" John gently ran a hand up and down Alan's back. Turning his attention back to Alan he spoke softly to the younger boy. "You feeling okay sprout?"

Alan opened his mouth to speak, but gagged instead. Clamping his mouth shut and covering it with both hands he fought for dominance over his upset stomach.

"It's okay sprout…breathe." John soothed, continually rubbing a hand up and down Alan's back. "You're okay."

Alan gagged again, the look on his face showing that he was becoming distressed at the many times that his body attempted to turn itself inside out in front of an audience. Alan gave a strangled cry, but John simply continued to soothe.

"Ssh Sprout…you're okay. Ray won't hurt you." Alan began to calm down, he slowly lowered his hands as John continued to soothe. "Ray won't hurt you anymore…not while I'm around."

Alan calmed considerably and he took a couple shaky breathes as his heart gradually quit racing. Gordon did as John asked and grabbed Alan a small Dixie cup of water from the bathroom before inching carefully towards his older and younger blonde brothers both of whom still sat on Alan's bed.

John sat leaned against the headboard, Alan nestled against his chest. The adrenaline ran through Alan's body and he shook uncomfortably. The shaking was bad enough that John removed the Dixie cup from Alan's grasp and held it for his little brother who took tentative sips.

"There you go buddy, you feeling better?" John leaned down to whisper in Alan's ear; prompting a small nod from the little blonde. "You feel like going back to bed or do you want to watch a movie on my laptop?"

Alan looked around uncomfortably around at his dad and brothers. They all looked so tired, John included. It made Alan feel bad for keeping them awake…mainly John. His new big brother had been like a healing salve to his damaged psyche, but it wouldn't always be enough.

"I'll go back to bed…" Alan leaned up and whispered in John's ear. He didn't know if he could speak loud enough without his voice betraying his fear of returning to sleep.

"All right Sprout…why don't you come with me?" John offered to share his bed with Alan as he'd taken to doing since Alan had returned home a little around a month prior. Alan suffered from nightmares regularly and John halfway considered enlisting his brothers to help him combine his bedroom with Alan's so they slept in the same room.

Alan shook his head and moved away, not wanting to keep John up any more than he was doing already. The guilt was eating at him.

"Are you sure…it's no trouble if you wanted to sleep with me in my bed." John motioned at Alan to join him anyway. "Do you want me to stay here with you?"

Again Alan shook his head no and pulled out of John's grasp…he felt embarrassed that he was eleven years old and still needed to sleep with someone to keep the nightmares away. Leaning up again, Alan whispered to John again that he could sleep on his own, but that he did appreciate the offer. John seemed mildly hurt, but he slid off of Alan's bed regardless and peeled back the duvet to reveal the sweat soaked sheets.

"Looks like you have no choice bud, looks like all that thrashing you were doing made your bed like a sauna." John only just realized how Alan was dripping in sweat. "Looks like a quick bath is in order to cool you off though buddy."

"I'm fine Johnny." Alan replied softly. He hated it when others saw his back. Ray had never been very easy on him when it came to his beatings. Sometimes Ray had hit him hard enough with the belt buckle that not only did the metal bite into Alan's fragile skin, but it scarred also.

John seemed to get the picture of why Alan was being so reluctant to not only climb from his bed but to venture into the bathroom to bathe. Alan didn't want the scars that had been well documented to be revealed to his family, viewing them not as battle trophies, but as a weakness.

"It's okay Sprout…you don't need to hide anymore. I know what he…did to you." Just knowing that his little brother hadn't been just kidnapped but beaten at the hands of his illegally adopted father pissed John off. He'd never forgive himself for not having called out to his father to protect Alan…he'd have rather have been shot and killed by Rizzoli than to watch Alan be kidnapped and kept away for several years.

At Alan's continued reluctance John turned and ushered his dad and brothers from the room to give him a few minutes alone with Alan. Jeff understood the need for privacy as Scott, Virgil and Gordon hadn't yet been told the full extent of what Alan faced during the year he'd lived with Ray and Judy.

… … … … … … …

Jeff convinced his other sons to return to the call of their comfortable mattresses before he returned to stand outside Alan's bedroom. When he didn't hear anything, he cracked the door open and stepped through the archway. Alan lay in his bed, fresh pajamas and freshly washed hair snuggled up into John's chest.

John was sound asleep himself and Jeff pulled the blankets up over both Alan and John to ensure they'd sleep comfortably. He noticed the smell of fresh sheets and grabbed the sweat soiled sheets that John stripped from Alan's bed.

"Hope you have sweet dreams boys." Jeff murmured as he leaned down and pressed a kiss on both of his son's heads. It didn't escape Jeff's attention that Alan was slipping back into what his case worker had called a comfort mechanism by sucking his thumb. Gently combing his fingers through Alan's hair he turned and left to go deposit the sheets in the laundry room before returning to the comfort of his own bed.

… … … … … … …

The following day found Alan clinging closely to John. Wherever John went Alan was sure to follow unless John was going into the bathroom or one of his brother's rooms to chat with them, then Alan remained hidden in the hallway as quiet as a shadow.

John stepped into Scott room to apologize for making Scott leave the couple hours earlier, knowing that his dismissal would have hurt the older brother's feelings.

"I understand why you did it…I just don't understand what is going on with Alan. Does he always have panic attacks?" Scott sat at his desk and he noticed movement outside his doorway and when he looked over he spotted Alan for a brief second before the blonde head pulled away to hide with a gasp. "It's okay to come in buddy, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm your brother."

Alan reappeared for the briefest of moments and mumbled something quietly. It was quiet, but Scott heard what Alan said.

'_That's what my case worker before Ms. Alexander told me…but he lied.'_

"What do you mean by 'he lied'…come in Sprout, I swear I'm not going to hurt you." Scott stood up and moved to the door before he crouched down and peeked out the partially open door to gaze at his recently skittish baby brother. For some reason just within the last week Alan has become real skittish and refusing to be around anyone other than John.

Reaching out a hand through the door Scott held his hand palm up so Alan could see he didn't have a weapon or anything that could potentially hurt him. It hurt him to know that Alan was so fearful around anyone but John but it hurt more that Alan seemed to develop a fear of their father. He'd taken to calling Jeff sir every time and no matter how often Jeff corrected Alan and asked him to call him dad, Alan simply refused and continued to call Jeff sir.

Scott smiled softly when Alan accepted his hand…his eleven year old hand so tiny in Scott's twenty-one year old hand. "That's it bud…why don't you come in?"

"Hm-mm…no…I'm fine out here." Scott was puzzled by Alan's insistence to remain out in the hall. There were books and plane models that Scott wanted to show Alan, but the boy adamantly refused to enter any of his brother's rooms except for John's.

"Hey Allie, why don't you go grab a glass of lemonade for you and I to share?" John moved over by Scott and stepped just in view of the doorway so Alan could see that it was him speaking and not someone pretending to be him. Alan nodded tentatively, before he skittered down the hallway; giving John and Scott valuable time to talk before Alan returned.

"Explain…please. What is going on with Alan?" Scott whispered to John fearing that if he spoke any louder that Alan would overhear even from all the way down in the kitchen.

"You have to promise you won't bring it up to him…he doesn't like anybody else to know. But he was…abused more than a couple times since being put in the foster care system. That's why he was moved around so much." John stated with a pained grimace. "It didn't help that Ray was an abusive and manipulative bastard who kidnapped and purchased our baby brother, but he also used to beat Alan…Alan and another boy Alan called his brother – Devon – both of them were abused by Ray."

Scott felt white hot rage course through his body at the news he was hearing. His baby brother had been abused? How often? What kind of abuse? What sort of scars remained from the abuse? Internal scars which affected the psyche and heartbreak, physical scars? Scott didn't know, but he wanted to know.

"How badly was he abused?" Scott inquired shakily.

"Practically every form of abuse out there…physical, emotional, psychological, verbal. It's obvious he was abused." John replied quietly.

"You forgot to mention one other type of abuse Johnny…was he sexually abused too?" Scott could practically feel his chest tighten at the news that his baby brother may have been tortured with every kind of abuse imaginable. John hesitated and it was just long enough for Scott to understand the message. "What kind of sexual abuse…molestation or rape?"

John sighed. "Ms. Alexander showed dad and I Alan's records, Alan was removed from one of his previous foster homes because they had reason to believe one of Alan's older foster brothers was touching Alan. They never found any definitive proof that he was molesting Alan, but the way Alan acted fearful around his older foster brother was enough for the system to remove Alan from that home. He's eleven now and this occurred when Allie was eight."

"Oh god. Why? What did Alan do to deserve such treatment?" Scott trembled at the news. No wonder Alan was leery about entering an older brother's room. "So why is he so okay with entering your bedroom?"

"Because he's known me long enough to know I'm not going to hurt him. When he sleeps in my bed, I make sure he can see my hands, and I purposefully fall asleep before him so he'll know I'm not going to do anything to him." John stated with a sad face. "He was fearful of coming into my bedroom before, because that's apparently where the abuse took place in his…I think, tenth foster home just before being placed with Pastor Woods, his older foster brother's bedroom was apparently where it all happened.

A soft knock at the door reminded Scott and John that John requested Alan to run and get lemonade from the kitchen.

John opened the door and Alan stood there holding three glasses of lemonade rather than one.

"Here let me take one of those for you buddy." John reached out to take one of the glasses of lemonade, but Alan took a step back with a shake of the head. "What's up buddy?"

Alan didn't say anything to John, he just peeked tentatively around John at Scott before mumbling quietly. "Here Scott."

Scott smiled warmly at the attempt Alan was making to get Scott to forgive him for shying away.

"Thanks buddy." Scott lowered to sit on his knees before Alan before accepting the glass of lemonade.

"Welcome." Alan cast his eyes down towards his walking boot. He'd just been taken out of his cast two weeks prior and placed in a walking boot. "I'm sorry…I just…"

Scott picked up Alan's apology for remaining so skittish around him and shook his head. Scott could understand to a point. True, he'd never been abused before, but he knew kids back when he lived in Kansas that had been in the foster system for having been abused or neglected by their birth parents.

"I understand Sprout." Scott tilted his head and closed his eyes as he smiled warmly at Alan.

"Can you forgive me?" Alan whispered, as he continually gazed down at his walking boot with a dejected manner.

"On one condition…" Scott looked at Alan and spotted the little blonde gazing enraptured at him. "I'll forgive you if I can have a hug."

Scott set his lemonade down on the floor beside him and opened his arms to accept a hug and Alan glanced down at the two glasses of lemonade which he still held. John took that as his cue and removed his and Alan's glasses of lemonade from Alan's arms and watched happily as Alan took a couple of tentative steps forward and hugged Scott around the neck.

Scott pet Alan's head and smiled to himself as he held his baby brother in his arms once more. He'd never get tired of Alan's hugs, he'd gone without for the last six years and he fully intended on filling his quota of hugs from the miniature blonde.

"Now, what do you say that the three of us go see if we can kick Gordon and Virgil's butts at a game of Wipeout HD/Fury…I'll pop up some popcorn and we can see who wins the most." Scott leaned back from the hug and watched as Alan seemed to relax around him.

"Can I have the Harimau? Please Scott, you always pick the Harimau!" Alan pulled the puppy look on Scott and the eldest brother couldn't resist.

"Okay, I'll pick a different team, but that means you'd better treat my baby kindly. Don't go crashing her or else you'll get the tickle torture of your life." Scott flexed his fingers as he leaned in close to Alan and pretended to go after Alan. The boy giggled and the happy sound put a smile on Scott's face. "All right let's go then."

Scott grabbed his and Alan's glasses of lemonade and looked down at his baby brother. "Race you to the game room!" Scott watched as Alan took off at a fast walk, still not being able to run due to the hindering nature of Alan's walking boot.


	2. Stay With MePlease?

Jeff glanced over at the co-pilot's seat as he flew the massive jet to upstate New York. Alan was sitting curled up, his ashen face giving way to the nausea Alan experienced thanks to his motion sickness. He'd thrown up at least three times before falling asleep and for that Jeff was thankful. Alan wasn't yet completely comfortable with Jeff and while it hurt Jeff that he couldn't properly comfort his son…it gave him the comfort of knowing that Alan hadn't completely shut him out.

He'd felt sick shortly after Jeff got the jet leveled out and Jeff had to practically force Alan to sit on his lap so he could hold an air sickness bag for the boy as he heaved up his breakfast. Thankful for an auto-pilot button, Jeff rubbed Alan's back as he coughed and gagged. Placing Alan in the co-pilot seat facing towards him, Jeff watched as Alan slipped into a fitful sleep. Removing his jacket which he'd worn onto the jet, he covered Alan with it to ensure he'd be warm and comfortable.

Alan had asked if he was due for his one month checkup like he'd grown accustomed to while in foster care and while Jeff knew it wasn't necessary, he'd still gone on ahead and scheduled an appointment to give Alan some semblance of normalcy; which is where they were headed to now. Jeff left International Rescue in his eldest son's capable hands while he took Alan to go see the family doctor.

Hearing a soft sigh, Jeff looked over to see Alan rubbing at one of his eyes blearily. The boy still looked pale, but he looked much better than he had earlier.

"Hey Alan, have a nice nap?" Jeff inquired of his son when he sat up and looked around.

"Where are we?" Alan peered out the windscreen and couldn't see anything. The low thrum of the jet's engines was the only clue to Alan that they were still airborne.

"Coming up on Boston in about thirty minutes. We'll be in New York in about another forty-five minutes." Jeff replied softly, seeing Alan rub his stomach slowly. "Are you still feeling sick Al?"

Alan shook his head slowly, instead looking down at his stomach when it gave a guttural growl. "Nuh-uh…I'm hungry."

"Well, if you go back into the passenger cabin, I think you may find one of John's chocolate bar stashes in the overhead compartment." Jeff motioned with his free hand at Alan to go get himself a chocolate bar, it wasn't the healthiest to eat, but it'd put something in the boy's stomach after he'd thrown it all up earlier.

"Okay, do you want one sir?" Alan slipped back into his default naming of father figures and called his own dad 'sir'. He didn't shy away or act shocked by the automatic response of sir, but Jeff felt a tug at his heart. It hurt that his own son feared a reprisal by calling his own father dad – even papa would be better than sir.

"No thank you Alan. But thank you." Jeff continued to pilot but regardless he tossed a cheerful smile over his shoulder at his little boy and watched as the boy walked with a slight limp. Though his ankle was healed and only wore a walking boot part time anymore – he still carried a slight limp especially if he put too much weight on his bad foot.

Alan left the cockpit and ventured into the passenger compartment. Glancing around Alan tried to think like his brother John and imagine where he'd hide a stash of chocolate bars. Practically hearing the '_ding_' sound as the proverbial light bulb flickered to life over his head, Alan dropped onto his hands and knees and checked one of the floor hatches and found the stash almost immediately.

Grabbing one of the chocolate bars, Alan quickly replaced the hatch door and stood back up. Taking a couple steps forward, Alan smiled as he unwrapped his chocolate prize. True he did still feel a little queasy, but usually a small something tamed his upset stomach. Taking a small tentative bite, Alan hurried back to the cockpit to take his seat as co-pilot.

Jeff turned slightly as he heard the uneven thumps of Alan's limping gait. "Hey Alan, you find John's chocolate stash?"

"Yes sir." Alan curled back up in the copilot seat and pulled his father's jacket up over his small frame, relishing in the warmth the jacket provided. Holding out the chocolate bar, Alan offered again to his father. "Do you want a bite of my chocolate bar sir?"

Jeff was about to refuse again, but one look over at his youngest son proved him otherwise. Alan was looking at him with what Scott and his other sons called Alan's puppy dog pout. It was a very effective way to get what he wanted and Jeff couldn't resist the look.

"Okay, but I'll take a small chunk." Jeff reached out to snap off a chunk of chocolate, but Alan relinquished his hold on the chocolate bar so that Jeff was holding it in his hand. Looking over at Alan, Jeff found the boy to be grinning.

"You can take a bite sir, I'm use to sharing with Johnny." Alan grinned up at his father, an almost apologetic look on the boy's face.

"Okay, you win…but I'll only take one bite." Jeff nibbled on the chocolate bar before handing it back to his youngest son. He was happy his youngest son was making an effort to bond, especially since he still didn't like hugs from anybody except John. True he'd hugged Jeff upon being reunited, but that was really the last hug Jeff had gotten from his youngest.

"When's my checkup sir?" Alan took another healthy bite from his chocolate bar before burrowing down inside of his father's jacket.

"Tomorrow at eleven." Jeff checked his coordinates and continued flying, glancing every so often over at Alan. "Is there something you wanted to do tonight?"

Alan tilted his head as he thought. To be honest, he didn't know what there was to do. He had never been asked what he wanted to go do before and that left Alan pondering on an activity that he and his father could do. What did normal father and sons do when they had an evening to themselves?

Jeff noticed Alan thinking about what there was to do and he thought back on what he used to do with his four other sons. With Scott it'd been playing catch with a baseball and mitt in the backyard, with John it'd been going out to sit in the backyard in a lawn chair and looking up at the constellations, with Virgil it'd been going to an art museum or concert hall – or a music store just to listen to different styles of music together. Gordon – it'd been going to either the beach or lake and swimming or going to the aquatic center and taking in the sights of porpoises and marine life.

"Are you interested in soccer? Perhaps we could go to a soccer game, or go get a kite and fly that around?" Jeff realized he still didn't know his youngest son's favorite activities. He'd only known his youngest for about a month since being reunited and found he still didn't know his son any better than if he was still gone. "Are you interested in video games?"

Alan blinked and thought hard. He liked space ships…was interested in space and space travel and he bit his lip as he tried to work up the courage to ask his dad if there was anywhere the two of them could go to look at planes or space ships. "Rockets."

"Rockets, like bottle rockets?" Jeff looked over at his youngest with a questioning look and watched Alan shake his head. He wasn't interested in blowing things up, but rockets?

"Like space travel." Alan looked out the window and tried not to think of the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was a stupid idea to mention it.

Jeff blinked wide eyed. He didn't think Alan was interested in space travel. However if space ships was something Alan was interested in, then he knew of just the place.

"Well, we could go to the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum." Jeff suggested off handedly and watched a smile blossom on Alan's face at the suggestion.

"Really?!" Alan squeaked, his voice rising an octave in excitement. He'd always dreamt of going there, but none of his previous foster parents ever wanted to take him. He'd never asked Pastor Woods if they could go because they were too far away to go, but when he'd lived with some of his previous foster families in New York he'd practically begged to go and none of his requests were honored.

Jeff chuckled at Alan's unconcealed excitement and nodded. "Yes son, really. So do you want to go?"

"You bet!" Alan really wanted the jet to land right about now. Never before had he ever been given this opportunity to go and he wasn't about to pass it up.

"Okay, well after we land we'll go drop off our luggage in the penthouse and then we'll go. Alright bud?" Jeff grinned happily at Alan's excitement.

"How much longer till we land?" Alan was practically bouncing in his seat and he couldn't wait to go.

"Maybe another twenty minutes or so then we'll be on the ground." Jeff checked his flight time and nodded silently to himself. They were really close and getting ready to land. Jeff went ahead and called in to the airstrip for clearance to land and as he brought the craft down – he smiled as he watched Alan's smile become so big it looked as though his face would split in two.

… … … … … … …

"Alan, hold my hand while we cross the street please!" Jeff held his hand out and grasped Alan's hand in his as he looked around at the bustling traffic.

"Come on dad! Come on!" Alan was so excited, he just wanted to get to the museum.

Jeff smiled warmly as he heard Alan's slip of the tongue. He'd just unknowingly called his father dad instead of sir and it warmed Jeff's heart to hear his youngest son's voice say dad. As Jeff and Alan walked, they passed a couple of street vendors and Jeff noticed Alan looking around at all the trinkets.

"Hey Al?" Jeff stopped at a vendor and looked around at something to get for Alan, wanting to get him something as a memory of this day the father and son got to spend together. Spotting something he'd figured Alan would like, Jeff pointed at it and handed the handful of bills to the vendor before turning and plunking it onto Alan's head.

"Sir?" Alan raised the bill of the baseball cap his dad had just put on his head and looked up at his dad with questioning eyes.

"Something to remember this day son." Jeff tapped the bill of the baseball cap and he patted Alan's back when the boy hugged him tightly around the waist. It was the first hug he'd gotten from Alan since the first day of being reunited and Jeff wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. Hugging Alan back, he gently rubbed Alan's shoulder before leading him down the sidewalk.

"So where is the museum sir?" Alan practically skipped down the sidewalk as he continued to hold his dad's hand.

"It's not far from here, a couple blocks." Passing a couple more vendors, Jeff noticed Alan sniffing the air – they were now walking past food vendors and it was obvious Alan was hungry. "You want a hotdog or a pretzel with cheese?"

Alan looked up at Jeff with a puppy dog like pout and Jeff smiled to himself as he realized the dilemma…Alan wanted both.

"I don't know…you choose." Alan's shoulder sagged as he left the decision up to his father.

"How about we get both and split them? You get half a hotdog and half a pretzel while I get the other halves - that and a bottle of water?" Jeff bargained with his son, not really caring that what he was feeding Alan really wasn't healthy. Anything to make his boy happy and they were having a father son outing; they could afford to eat a little junk food every so often. Seeing the smile on Alan's face again made it all worth it to Jeff.

Stopping in line Jeff continued to hold Alan's hand as they waited for their hotdog. The two of them looked around and talked amongst themselves – finding they had an affinity for space ships. Jeff told Alan a short tale about when he was in NASA and watched the boy's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. After they got their hotdog, Jeff let Alan have his fill before taking the remaining half with a smile and devouring it. When they'd finished their hotdog, they grabbed a cheese pretzel and a couple bottles of water and finding a spot in the grass to sit and eat the pretzel.

Jeff took one look at Alan as they finished their cheese pretzel and had to stifle a laugh. Alan had a cheese mustache and looked as though he didn't know it. "Alan…you've got a little…" Jeff trailed off as he pointed at his own upper lip to give Alan a clue.

"What?" Alan looked up at his dad with a questioning look, not getting the gist of what his dad was hinting at.

"Here." Jeff licked the corner edge of a tissue and proceeded to wipe the cheese sauce from Alan's face. When Alan's face was clean and clear he smiled at his youngest fondly, eliciting a smile from the boy also.

"Thanks dad." Alan said once more interchanging '_sir_' for '_dad_'.

"No problem son." Jeff glanced down at his watch to check the time and he prodded Alan gently in the shoulder. "Let's go son."

"Okay!" Alan jumped up and stood by eagerly awaiting his father to get up from the little grassy knoll where they'd been sitting and go walking with him. He was having a blast just hanging out with his dad, finally feeling as though he was beginning to belong – unlike when he'd been in foster care and placed with families that tolerated his presence rather than make him feel at home.

… … … … … … …

Alan sidled up close to his father as they walked through the museum. There were surprisingly a lot of people around and while he liked people okay – he just was shocked at the large mass of people bouncing from pillar to post in the large museum.

"You okay there buddy?" Jeff glanced down to see Alan practically glommed onto his side.

"I can't see." Alan wasn't lying; he was still so short that he couldn't see through the throngs of people in order to see the display of neat aircrafts.

Jeff looked around to make sure nobody was going to run into him before he crouched down to give Alan a lift. Jeff couldn't exactly expect the boy to enjoy his outing with his father if he couldn't see the exhibits. "Alan, come on I'll give you a piggy back ride."

Alan paused and turned around to see his dad kneeling on the ground. Nodding shyly, Alan went over and climbed onto Jeff's back. When his dad stood up, Alan marveled at the view.

Jeff motioned with his head at a fighter jet and started narrating to Alan. "You see that jet over there son? That is the type of jet your big brother Scotty used to fly when he was in the Air Force."

"Really? Scott got to fly one of those?" Alan leaned down over his father's shoulder.

"Yep, for a few years anyway." Jeff paused before continuing on. "Your brother also got to do some of those barrel rolls for stunt flights. Maybe sometime Scott will take you to see some flight acrobatics." Jeff walked through the exhibits and he and Alan talked and discussed the flight mechanics. Jeff learned so much about Alan in just that day alone than he did in the last month. One thing he learned was that Alan was determined to get over his motion sickness so he could get a pilot's license when he was old enough to fly and he dreamed about going into space one day.

Smiling to himself, Jeff continued to carry Alan on his back as they left the museum. Alan was tuckered out after his outing with his father and had fallen asleep during the last ten minutes of the tour. Jeff gently shifted Alan on his back before hailing a cab to take them back up to where they were staying. Alan remained asleep during the entire car trip and Jeff carried him into the elevator which took them up to the penthouse.

Unlocking the door, Jeff made his way into the living room before depositing Alan on the couch and covering him with the afghan which lay across the back of the couch. Walking through the apartment, Jeff turned the lights on, but dimmed them in order to make the room bright enough to see but not bright enough to disturb Alan's slumber.

… … … … … … …

Jeff ran into Alan's bedroom after the first scream of terror and he sat on Alan's bed and gently stroked the side of Alan's face prompting the boy to awaken. The little boy was drenched in sweat and even in the dark; Jeff could see Alan's pupils were the size of pinpricks. The boy was downright terrified.

"It's okay son, it's okay." Jeff spoke softly to Alan and he pulled the boy into his arms and gently ran his fingers through Alan's hair. "Ssh, it's okay Alan. You're safe, nobody can hurt you."

Alan panted heavily as he fought to regain control over his breathing. It felt like a heavy weight was bearing down on his chest and it hurt to breath. Snuggling into his father's hold, Alan allowed the tears to lightly trickle down into his father's t-shirt. He was so scared.

"It's okay Alan…ssh." Jeff continually soothed his boy from his night terror he'd just awoken from. After Alan managed to calm down a bit Jeff pulled away. He knew from experience that sometimes talking about it could help. "Do you feel up to talking about it son?"

Alan shook as the memory ran through his mind and he wanted to shake his head no, but he nodded instead.

"Let's go fix ourselves some hot chocolate huh?" Jeff stood and held his hand out to his son who accepted the hand graciously. Leading the way, Jeff made his way into the kitchen and fixed a couple mugs of hot chocolate for he and Alan before going into the living room and wrapping themselves in the afghan. "What was your bad dream about son?"

Alan remained quiet for a while, contemplating whether or not it'd been a good idea to say he wanted to talk about his nightmare before he opened his mouth to speak. His voice trembled as he spoke. "R-Ray, he…he killed Judy. Then he came after me and D-Devon."

Jeff nodded slowly at the mention of the family which reportedly purchased his baby boy from the man who'd been a known human trafficker. Rizzoli had been murdered by this Ray guy and Ray had been arrested for the murder of his wife Judy and child abuse of both Devon and Alan. Devon fell from contact with Alan and yet Alan still hung on his every word – even after all these years. Devon had been the one to protect Alan in his family's place.

"Did Ray hurt you and Devon in your dream?" Jeff gently nudged Alan's knee with his own in order to reassure Alan that it was him and not Ray he was conversing with.

"He killed Devon…started hitting me with his belt." Alan's voice choked up at the mention of what Ray did in his dream…and had done in real life too. Jeff saw the scars, once when John convinced Alan to go swimming without a t-shirt on, Jeff saw the scars. Nobody else had been awake at the time, Alan wanted to go swimming with John, but didn't feel comfortable with his brothers quite yet.

It angered Jeff to see the lashing marks splayed in a crisscross fashion across Alan's back, but John who had been there for Alan hadn't said anything about the marks. Instead the older blonde held onto Alan and eased him into the water without the hindering walking boot Alan had been wearing before splashing him with a smile. The two blondes giggled like two little boys and continued swimming around and splashing each other before they clambered out at the first signs of life. Hurriedly throwing on his older brother's t-shirt Alan and John scurried through the kitchen up to their bedrooms to dress and be present for breakfast.

"You're okay…Ray can't hurt you anymore." Jeff soothed and continued to run his fingers through Alan's hair. At the first sign of Alan slumping down with fatigue, Jeff gently prodded the boy's shoulder. "Alan, come on buddy…time to go back to bed."

Alan didn't say anything, but allowed himself to be directed back to his bedroom and after Jeff got Alan comfortable and situated, he gently kissed Alan's forehead before getting up to leave. A tiny tug on his pajama pants had him stopping and looking back. Alan was gripping his pant leg and looking up at him with the puppy pout.

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" Alan's bottom lip trembled as he asked the favor of his father. Jeff nodded silently at Alan and took up his place on Alan's bed and continued to run his fingers through Alan's hair, not stopping even after Alan had fallen asleep once more.


	3. A Father's Arms

"Yes John, yes…yes!" Jeff paced back and forth in the kitchen trying to reassure his second eldest child who'd called at quarter to nine in the morning. "We had fun yesterday, he did have a nightmare…no, it's not necessary. John no, he'll be fine with me for a few more hours. Yes…Don't use that tone with me young man, I know you're protective of him, but I'm not going to hurt him."

Jeff rolled his shoulders as he paced back and forth. He was having a quiet argument with John, the boy felt determined to bring the second jet out to check on Alan and kept fighting to see Alan no matter what Jeff said in rebuttal. '_Mother hen much?'_

"John, I've got to go. Yes I do son, your brother is waking up and I don't want him to hear us arguing." Jeff prepared to disconnect the call. "You are going to stay on the island young man, your brother and I will be back in about ten hours. By the time you got here we'd just be getting ready to take flight."

Upon hanging up the call Jeff shook his head with a sigh. '_Are you sure you can handle him he asks…duh. I only raised five sons from infancy and know a thing or two about nightmares.'_ Pocketing his phone, Jeff pulled out some eggs to begin making pancakes. Alan always loved pancakes when he was a little boy and Jeff was determined to make Alan feel like family again.

Turning his back Jeff began making pancake batter and he only turned when he heard a quiet snuffling sound in the doorway of the kitchen. Alan stood in his pajamas, smelling the air like a dog near dinnertime would do. He had an appreciative look on his face and instantly Jeff knew he'd made the right decision.

"Good morning Alan." Jeff said with a smile at seeing his youngest son. "Hungry?"

Jeff couldn't stop the fond chuckle when Alan reached up to rub his eyes and nod sleepily. Flipping one of the pancakes, Jeff reached out a hand to signal to Alan to come closer. The boy was still slightly leery about being around adult males, but when Jeff didn't drop his smile, just continued holding a hand out to convince Alan to come closer the boy finally did.

"Want to help me cook breakfast Alan?" Jeff offered to let Alan hold the spatula in order to flip the pancakes. Alan crept closer, dragging a chair with him so he wasn't standing on his tiptoes and he stood on the chair as Jeff steadied him. "Alright, hold the spatula like this…"

Jeff took Alan's dominate hand and held it in his own, making sure Alan had a good grip on the spatula. "Check the bottom of the pancake…" Jeff and Alan lifted the pancake slightly to make sure it was a nice golden brown and flipped it together. "Atta boy!"

Alan smiled as he received a pat on the back for flipping the pancake and he continued checking them with his father's help. Suddenly feeling more comfortable, Alan allowed his dad to squeeze his shoulder affectionately. Smiling secretly to himself Alan felt like he was finally getting the kind of interaction he'd desired all these years.

"You're doing really good with the cooking Alan…maybe we should have you take lessons from Onaha – you seem to have a knack for cooking." Jeff stated as he relinquished his hold on Alan's hand and watched as his youngest son flipped one of the larger pancakes without a problem.

"That'd be fun, but…will Onaha even want to teach me? She has already shoost me out of the kitchen when I'm in there." Alan glanced over his shoulder to look at his dad with a puppy pout. He enjoyed helping Pastor and Mrs. Woods cook dinner, now it just seemed like part of his routine the Woods family had him on was disrupted.

"That's because the kitchen is Onaha's territory. Your brother Gordon almost destroyed the oven by placing firecrackers in some cake batter a couple years ago. She hasn't allowed any of your brothers in once, unless you count John – he's the exception because he's actually a decent cook." Jeff palmed Alan's hair and smiled as he watched Alan smile. He missed seeing Alan's smile these last few years and Jeff didn't think he'd ever get to see it again.

Alan tried to flip one of the pancakes and due to the precarious position, the pancake flipped off the spatula and landed on the floor with a doughy '_splat_' sound. Alan adopted a terrified look on his face and he looked at his father, hoping and praying he wouldn't be punished for wasting food.

"I'm sorry!" Alan clutched the spatula tightly to his chest and gulped. Jeff smiled and with a simple shake of the head he grabbed a paper towel and retrieved the pancake, cleaning the dough up as he did so. As he stood back up he noticed tears swimming in Alan's eyes and the young boy trembling.

"What's the matter Alan?" Jeff tossed the ruined pancake into the trash and turned back to his youngest son, attempting to take one of his hands into his own.

"You're going to send me away now…aren't you?" Alan's voice wavered and Jeff watched as his eyes glistened.

"No…no I could never send you away for dropping a pancake. It was an accident." Jeff crouched in front of Alan and met his shining blue eyes. "Don't cry, it'll be okay son. That just means that we both got three pancakes is all." Jeff patted Alan's arm, not missing the boy flinch at the touch. "I'm not going to hurt you Alan. It was an accident. I know you didn't purposely drop the pancake on the floor."

"But…" Alan began, the tears threatened to fall but Jeff pressed a finger against Alan's mouth to silence his argument.

"No Alan. You are my son and I'm not going to set you aside like yesterday's old news. Accidents happen. I'm not mad at you by any means necessary." Jeff made Alan meet his eyes and he spoke quietly like John had stressed he do if Alan should act up or become distressed. He was not to yell at Alan lest that send him into a panic attack and that was something Jeff hoped wouldn't happen.

"Really?" Alan's voice sounded strained, since he was actively trying not to cry.

"Yes really. Now come on, give your old man a hug." Jeff opened his arms and Alan practically fell into his arms tears finally falling at the open invitation to hug. Jeff knew Alan had a long way to go, but the patriarch hoped Alan would eventually come to be comfortable hugging and interacting with his family. "Now what do you say we eat our breakfast and get on to your doctor's appointment?"

Alan nodded before removing himself from his father's grasp and hopping off the chair gently so as to not hurt his tender ankle.

… … … … … … …

Jeff stepped off the plane carrying Alan in his arms. The boy had been given a stronger dose of motion-sickness medication by the family pediatrician and that knocked Alan off his feet. Jeff wound up carrying Alan onto the jet and settling him in the passenger cabin all stretched out and comfy amongst the piles of pillows and blankets. Alan was not as light as he appeared to be.

"Hey…how'd the doctor's visit go?" John met his father and youngest brother in the hangar and willingly accepted Alan being passed into his arms. John was used to carrying Alan around on the island, having done so to get from point A to point B quicker when Alan had been in his cast and relying on his crutches to get him places.

"Good, the doctor gave Alan a clean bill of health and wants to take a look at Alan's ankle in a month and a half. He should be done wearing his walking boot by then." Jeff replied as he placed Alan's new baseball cap that he'd gotten from Jeff the day prior onto Alan's head, the bill facing backwards. "There, can't have him leaving that on the jet, he might be looking for it later."

"A hat?" John looked at the green and black baseball cap.

"Yeah, I got it for him from a street vendor. He didn't want to take it off the rest of the day yesterday." Jeff smiled as he watched Alan's eyes move quickly beneath his eyelids. "Believe it or not, he wore it to bed with him last night."

"I'd believe it. It's one of the first gifts he's gotten that truly belongs to him. A lot of what he has are things he had here in his bedroom before being kidnapped or things that were necessity to have." John shifted Alan in his arms as though his were shifting a sleeping toddler. "He told me that the sketchbooks he always got from the art supply closet at the church when he stayed with Pastor Woods."

"Well then I guess I am more than a little glad that I got him the hat. It seemed to fit him, more than a t-shirt or something that he'll outgrow quickly. The hat is adjustable so he'll be able to make it fit as he grows older." Jeff reached out and tentatively brushed a wisp of Alan's hair from his eyes. "Why don't you take him on up to his room and meet me in my office. Also gather your brothers, I figure it'd be better to explain what's going on with Alan just so they know."

"I don't think that's a good idea dad. If Alan wakes up and overhears us talking about him it could hurt his feelings or make him feel uncomfortable." John clutched at his baby brother and shook his head, his protective older brother instincts kicking in. "I've already explained it to Scott, perhaps maybe we should have Scott stick close by to distract Alan should he wake up."

Jeff looked skeptical but John used his facial expressions to convince his dad to follow his lead. Jeff finally conceded.

"All right, maybe have Scott take your brother down to look for some sand dollars on the beach." Jeff didn't know if it would work, but it was worth a try.

"FAB dad…let's gather in about twenty minutes, okay?" John glanced down at Alan when he yawned and snuggled more into John's shoulder. Smiling John turned to take his baby brother up to his own bedroom.

… … … … … … …

Scott gently and quietly opened Alan's bedroom door to peer in at his baby brother. The boy was just about as sound asleep one could get and still be considered alive. Creeping towards his bed, Scott knelt down before grasping Alan's fingers which were then hanging off the bed. Dropping his fingers, Scott couldn't help but to chuckle. Alan's whole body was limp, proven by his arm which hung lazily from the bed.

Looking over his baby brother, Scott couldn't help but to feel the fierce protection swelling up in his chest at the prospect of keeping an ever watchful eye out for his baby brother. Never again would Alan slip through the cracks and be kidnapped or taken from the Tracy's. Never again would the family deal with the heartache.

Reaching up tentatively, Scott brushed some of Alan's hair from his face and he gazed around checking to see if anyone might be appearing out of thin air like the family occasionally did. Nobody was around and yet…Scott just couldn't help but to think that something was about to happen. Shaking his head silently to himself, Scott stood up once more and turned to leave Alan's bedroom. He didn't want to scare Alan if the boy woke up to see Scott hanging out in his bedroom.

Turning his head to glance over his shoulder, Scott smiled softly at seeing Alan still very much sound asleep. Pulling the door closed, Scott heard the confirming click of the door closing completely. Walking down the hall way, Scott went down to go report to his family.

… … … … … … …

Jeff leaned back in the armchair in his office and looked across at his three middle children. John was perched nervously on the arm of the couch, chewing on his thumbnail as he glanced over his shoulder – his hearing attuned to the soft whispers of Alan's sock clad feet gliding down the hall.

"Okay boys, now I'm sure you know that something's going on." Jeff clasped his hands together and gazed down the bridge of his nose at his boys, watching Gordon and Virgil glance confusedly at each other. Neither boy knew if it was something they'd done or if they were in trouble. "Don't worry, this isn't an interrogation."

"What's going on dad?" Gordon leaned on a loosely curled fist.

"Is everything okay dad? Did Alan's doctor appointment go okay?" Virgil leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees.

"Everything is fine, Alan's appointment was good." Jeff tilted his head thoughtfully. "This does however concern your brother."

"What is it? Is he sick?" Virgil's face became concerned upon hearing that the meeting was in fact concerning Alan.

"No, he isn't sick…he's…" Jeff trailed off not really wanting to speak of what Alan dealt with.

"He was abused." John rested his head in his upturned hands.

"What do you mean? Who abused him?" Gordon looked worried and glanced with disbelief at his father, but Jeff shook his head.

"It wasn't me Gordon…I'd never hurt any of you." Jeff shook his head and watched as Gordon slumped slightly in his seat. "No, he was abused…but let's go back to the beginning."

"What do you mean?" Gordon looked up at his dad and older brother with reddish brown puppy dog eyes.

"When your brother was kidnapped, I'm sure you all remember what happened." Jeff looked at his three present sons and watched as the blood drained from their features as they nodded slowly. They could never forget.

_ 'Daddy watch me!" Alan pumped his legs as he pushed the swing to go higher. He wanted to touch the sky and he was going to attain the height he needed in order to do so. "Daddy! Daddy, are you watching?!"_

_ "Yes son, daddy's watching!" Jeff looked up from the small basket of food he and his sons had packed for the picnic lunch. "Come over to eat before the ants get it for you!"_

_ "Yes daddy!" Alan immediately quit pumping his legs, wanting the built up momentum to slow so he could go get some lunch. Seeing some of his other brothers still rough-housing around Alan tried earnestly to slow the swing. "Daddy help! I can't stop!"_

_ "I'm coming Alan!" Jeff stood up from where he was kneeling on the blanket and jogged over to go stop the swing so Alan could get off. Reaching out when Alan swung backwards, Jeff grabbed the metal chain and halted the swing, Alan exhaled deeply at having stopped. As Jeff removed Alan from the swing he flipped the five year old over in his arms so the boy was laying on his back. "Do you need to go potty before we stop and have lunch son?"_

_ "No daddy, I'm hungry." Alan said with a huff. _

_ "Okay, one peanut butter sandwich coming right up." Jeff walked over and sat on the blanket, still holding Alan in his arms. Lifting his gaze, Jeff hollered for his other sons to come eat._

_ "Hey Sprout! When we're done eating want me to teach you how to climb on the monkey bars?" Gordon grinned at his five your old brother before practically inhaling his chicken salad sandwich._

_ "No, your brother needs to take a nap after lunch. When he wakes up we can play on the monkey bars." Jeff held a piece of crust-less peanut butter sandwich up for Alan to eat. Alan yawned immediately after swallowing his bite of sandwich. "You getting sleepy buddy?"_

_ "Nu-uh." Alan rubbed sleepily at his eyes as he finished his sandwich. He accepted a couple of carrot sticks from his dad and ate those as he watched his other brothers ate their lunch too._

_ "Liar, you look like you could use a nap." Scott who was sitting next to his father and youngest brother reached over and gently rubbed his thumb up and down the swell of Alan's cheek and pulled his hand back when Alan turned his head and tried to bite. "Hey, you little dweeb, don't try to bite me!"_

_ "Scott, don't call your brother names. Alan you don't bite people, it's not nice." Jeff admonished his eldest and his youngest. "Boys, I want you to apologize to each other."_

_ "Sorry Sprout." Scott was the first to apologize to his brother, though he knew the apology didn't make one lick of sense to Alan – the boy was falling asleep right there in their father's lap. "So much for an apology."_

_ "I'll make sure he apologizes for trying to bite you when he wakes up in a little bit." Jeff shifted Alan in his arms, situating Alan in his lap so that Alan was sitting with his legs astride, his head resting on his dad's chest. "Why don't you and John take Virgil and Gordon to go play on the jungle gym."_

_ "Okay dad." Scott did a mock salute to his father and stood with his brothers to leave Jeff and Alan in the shade of the large maple tree. "Holler when Alan wakes up and I'll come get him."_

_ "Will do Scott, you boys be careful." Jeff scratched the back of Alan's head smiling when he heard his little boy sigh in contentment._

… … … … … … …

_ Scott lay back in the grass as he observed Gordon and Virgil racing each other on who could climb through the jungle gym obstacle course._

_ "Scotty, who is that man?" John who was seated beside him in the grass motioned towards a man seated on a bench who appeared to be watching Gordon and Virgil closely._

_ "Don't know…" Scott and John watched the man discreetly and noticed the man now seemed to be watching Jeff who was leaning back against the large maple tree, Alan was still sprawled out in Jeff's lap and the patriarch looked to be reading a book silently to himself. "But I don't like him."_

_ "Let's go, I don't like the way he's leering at Gordo and Virge." John's voice trembled slightly. Scott and John nodded and moved to go retrieve their brothers. After collecting the two youngers boys and warning them to not act suspicious, the four boys began walking up towards Jeff and Alan wanting to get as far from the creepy man as they could._

_ "Turn around slowly." Scott and his brothers stopped, frozen in their tracks. "Do not yell out for your father unless you all want to die."_

_ Scott inhaled deeply and tried to act as nonchalantly as possible. In turning around, Scott found himself staring down the barrel of a pistol. John, Virgil and Gordon turned slowly also. Gordon opened his mouth to scream, but the man made a motion as if he was going to shoot and Scott grabbed Gordon's arm before swinging the younger boy onto the ground – incidentally taking Virgil down also. John stumbled back and landed on his butt in the grass._

_ "You scream or make any noise to alert your father and you and your brothers are dead, do you hear me?" The man brandished his weapon and John shook his head quickly- mutely agreeing with the man to keep quiet. The man backed away, keeping the gun trained on John and his brothers before he ran towards Jeff. _

_ Jeff sat with his back pressed into the tree and he hummed as he read his book he'd brought with him. A smile spread on his face as Alan softly snored. Continuing to hum to Alan as the boy slumbered the next thing he knew was pain as something hard connected with the back of his head._

_ Releasing a cry, Jeff dropped his book to clutch at the back of his head. Movement in the corner of his eye drew Jeff's attention to his four sons who were pressing themselves into the grass several hundred feet away. Whoever it was that hit Jeff moved into Jeff's line of vision and grappled onto his baby before taking several steps back._

_ "What the hell are you doing, let go of my son!" Jeff moved to scramble forward but suddenly a gun was pressed against his baby's temple._

_ "Move one more inch and this boy's brains are decorating this lovely park." The man wasn't kidding, he clicked back the hammer of the pistol and Jeff felt like he was going to have a heart attack. When Jeff raised a shaking hand to beckon towards the man who held his son, the man turned tail and run as the little boy in his arms woke up and began screaming for help and for his dad._

_ John watched as the man fled on foot, Jeff scrambling to get up off the ground as he gave chase and John couldn't help himself. He screamed._

_ "Help! Somebody please! Help! Stop that man! He's got my baby brother!" John scrambled up as well and sprinted off after his father as he tried in vain to catch the man who he just watched kidnap his baby brother right from one of the safest places a child could be – right from his father's arms._


	4. Racing Thoughts

"What is going on with Alan dad?" Virgil looked at his father confusion clear on his face.

"Does this have anything to do with him waking up screaming and crying the other night?" Gordon lifted his gaze up towards his father. He felt like his heart plummeted into his stomach as he watched his dad nod at him.

"Yes Gordon." Jeff confirmed for his second youngest son.

"What happened?" Gordon could sense that whatever it was wasn't going to be good news.

"Your brother…he was…" Jeff began, he really didn't want to say aloud what his youngest son experienced.

"He was what dad?" Virgil caught on and instantly felt concern.

"Your brother was…a…" Jeff started again but couldn't say it.

"Allie was abused." John muttered as he by this time had buried his head in his upturned hands – not wanting to see his younger brother's reactions to the news. "He was kidnapped, sold and abused."

"He…what?" Virgil's head snapped over to glare at John, not believing his ears.

"He was abused…the man and woman who bought him also abused him and another boy that lived with them." John groaned, not lifting his head from his hands.

"How?" Virgil knew of the types of abuse there was out in the world – he'd learned about it in health class.

"…" John couldn't say, he couldn't voice what happened to his little brother.

… … … … … … …

Scott turned from his laptop as he heard a timid knock sound off on his door.

"Come in." Scott called as he turned his chair to face whoever was at the door. His face changed to surprise as a small blonde head poked in the doorway. "Hey Alan, what's up?"

"Where are sir and the others?" Alan ducked his head as he refused to make eye contact with Scott.

"Uh…dad wanted to debrief the last mission International Rescue went on." Scott smoothly fibbed to Alan.

"Oh…how come you aren't there then?" Alan tilted his head in question. As far as he knew Scott was at every debrief…but then Gordon wasn't in International Rescue, he was only sixteen.

"I didn't go on the mission." Scott looked away so Alan couldn't detect the lie.

"Oh…" Alan looked down at the floor in embarrassment.

"Hey Alan, come here a second bud." Alan looked up when Scott spoke but shook his head with an mistrusting look on his face. "Oh come on buddy, I just want to show you something."

Alan shook his head once more and Scott sighed.

"Alan, I'm your brother…I'm not going to hurt you. Feel free to leave the door open if you'd like, but I can tell you now I won't hurt you."

Alan looked behind him to see if he noticed anybody walking around through the hall before looking back toward Scott. Stepping lightly Alan pushed the door open, using one of Scott's discarded shoes to prop it open before walking into the large bedroom. Approaching Scott slowly as if he was walking toward a caged animal, Alan came closer until he was a couple feet away. He was just out of arms reach.

"Okay, what did you want to show me?" Alan inquired, mistrust tainting his tone.

"I wanted to show you this soap box derby car." Scott reached over onto his dresser and grabbed the little wooden car. "Do you remember helping me put this together at all?"

Alan looked at the car and shook his head. He had no memory of helping Scott build that.

"You were about four years old. I was part of an after school group that did various activities – one of which was to help the local Boy Scout troop build little wooden soap box cars. Gordon was a boy scout at the time and he refused to enter his soap box car into the race because he thought it was ugly. He'd left his car out in the driveway after trying to test its speed on a couple of homemade ramps and dad accidently drove over it when he was backing out of the driveway." Scott chuckled slightly. "Gordy was so upset. He threatened to drop out of boy scouts because he didn't have a car to race."

Alan tilted his head in genuine curiosity. Scott's story had drawn Alan in.

"I'd stayed up until after midnight working on a new body for Gordy's new car. Grandpa taught me how to wittle wood, so I hand carved the car for Gordy. You woke up around three because you had some business to take care of and you came into the kitchen thinking dad was in there instead of me because you thought dad would give you a cookie as a midnight snack." Scott chuckled, his laughter rumbling deep in his chest. "You just about cried when you found it was me in the kitchen and not dad."

Alan glared at Scott. The oldest brother's laughter rumbled deeper in his chest at the look Alan gave Scott.

"Anyway, I snuck a cookie out of the cookie jar for you and I to share and you spilled the paint all over the newspaper I had spread out on the table. You got your hands covered in it and I hadn't realized you had paint on your hands until I let you hold the car for Gordy." Scott quit laughing to smile at Alan. "Anyway I freaked over the paint covering the car in little green fingerprints, but the next morning Gordy found the car sitting on the table and loved it. He raced it the following afternoon and won second place. He was ecstatic over the win."

"Really?" Alan inquired, and he smiled when Alan came closer to hold the car.

"Mm-hmm. None of us knew you were the tiny artist in the family, Gordy loved your little green fingerprints over the tiger stripes I'd painted. He called your little finger prints his lucky charm." Scott handed the car over to Alan and smiled at seeing the little boy look at the car in awe.

"So if it's Gordon's car, how come you have it?" Alan inquired.

"I snagged it from a box of stuff to donate after you were kidnapped. Gordon cried every time he saw the car that you painted and he didn't want the reminder, so he tried to get rid of it – but I salvaged it and hid it for several years before I pulled it out and put it on display." Scott replied, his voice quavering slightly. "Just seeing this little car made me want to cry each time I saw it because I remembered how excited you were after watching it win second in the race."

Alan turned the car over in his hands and noticed the initials S.T. and A.T. carved into the bottom with Gordon's scrawled handwriting right next to the carvings with the words 'are the best brothers ever'.

"Did you know Gordon wrote on the car?" Alan turned the car and showed it to Scott whose eyes misted over at seeing the heartfelt words written on the bottom.

"I knew he'd written it on the car, but I had forgotten what he'd written." Scott accepted the car back from Alan and looked at the little oblong piece of wood which resembled a drag racing car. "What do you say we go grab a couple of pieces of wood and build some ramps to test this baby out?"

Alan glanced up with a look of surprise and seemed as though he would shake his head no, but at the last minute nodded as a huge smile broke out on his face. Scott stood up and followed Alan as he hobbled out of the bedroom.

… … … … … … …

"Now that I think you boys have now been brought up to speed, I want your solemn oath that you will never – ever bring any of this conversation up to Alan. No matter how mad you get at him, or how much anything he says or does hurts your feelings; I want you boys to prove to me that your earlier promise that you'd be quiet about this to stick true." Jeff looked at his son's wanting their word that they'd keep quiet about this topic of conversation.

"You have my word dad." Virgil blew out a harsh breath of air. The news that had been bestowed upon Gordon and Virgil by John and their father was mind boggling. It was hard for Virgil to digest that his baby brother had been abused in practically every form imaginable.

"Gordon? Do I have your word that you won't mention this to your brother?" Jeff looked expectantly over at the redhead, taking in his pinched facial features. The boy gulped and nodded silently, seemingly having swallowed his tongue. His face was pale and his eyes were wide and shining with unshed tears after learning what his baby brother had dealt with. Now he understood why it was that Alan seemed wary of him and his brothers all except for John.

"Yes sir, I understand." Gordon nodded before he stood to leave. His mouth barely moved as he continued to speak. "May I be excused sir?"

Jeff could see the pain on Gordon's face and in his actions and knew the boy was indeed hurting. For six years all he dealt with was a few school kids picking on him for his stark red hair while Alan was pushed around, starved, beaten, verbally and mentally abused and so much more. For eleven years old, Alan had already lived a much more difficult life than any of his brothers combined.

"Yes Gordon, you may be excused." Jeff watched as Gordon walked from his father's office with his head hung low sadness and dejection clear.

"Thank you." Gordon could only muster a few words before he pulled his father's office door closed, and running down the hall as he attempted to not be seen when he was so upset.

Meanwhile Jeff, Virgil and John all continued to sit in the office in silence until they heard a fair amount of joyful noise coming from outside. Turning his chair to glance outside, Jeff couldn't stop the smile as he watched Scott running around outside just off the deck with Alan clinging to his back. Scott looked like a big kid running around with his arms out to the side as though he was a plane.

"I wonder how Scott did it." Jeff voiced his curiosity.

"I'd already explained to Scott what had happened to Alan." John supplied as he stood beside his father to watch Scott and Alan play outside. "Alan looks like he's having a blast."

"He does…doesn't he?" Jeff marveled at Scott's ability to get Alan to come out of his shell enough to play with his big kid of an older brother.

… … … … … … …

"Come on Scott! Come on!" Alan goaded Scott to go faster as he ran them up a hillside where their makeshift ramp had been built.

"I'm going little buddy." Scott panted as he felt his strength waning. Alan may look light, but he was in fact quite heavy especially with the walking boot adding maybe an additional five or more pounds. Coming to a stop right near the lip of the cliff, Scott lowered to the ground and pressed his forehead into the smooth rock. "I'm so done Sprout."

Alan slid from Scott's shoulders and waited for his brother to catch his breath. Scott flopped onto his back beside Alan who was sitting on a small boulder with his bad foot stretched out in front of himself. When Scott managed to catch his breath he rolled over to lay on his stomach and Alan reached out tentatively to poke Scott's face with his index finger.

"Are you going to live Scott?" Alan asked, his voice small.

"Yeah, just need to rest a minute before I run another marathon." Scott rolled over again except he propped up on his elbow. "Hey Alan?"

"Yeah?" Alan held up the car that Scott carved and closely inspected it.

"Are you happy to finally be home?" Scott hoped he wasn't walking in dangerous territory, but he really did want to know.

Alan lowered the car and looked off into the horizon as he tried to work out his answer. Of course he was happy being home, but…he didn't feel like he belonged. He thought he belonged the first couple hours of being home then when he woke up the following morning everything changed. His dad and older brothers treated him different.

John was the only one who seemed to treat Alan like normal, having gotten to know the younger boy much earlier than their dad and brothers. Scott was guilty of it too as was everyone with the exception of John that would remove a heavy book from Alan's hands and carry it for the boy if he didn't feel like retrieving his crutches in favor of hopping on one foot to get around. They'd smothered him and made Alan resort to practically gluing himself to John's left hip in order to be treated normal.

Looking over at Scott, Alan knew he was expecting an answer. Nodding his head silently, Alan reassured Scott even if he sadly didn't agree with what he'd admitted as truth. It wasn't a lie per se yet it wasn't the truth either. Yes he was happy to be home with his real family, but he wished he hadn't felt like such an outsider. At least with Pastor Woods and Mrs. Woods, the two of them insisted on tucking in their foster children, even if it meant gathering into one of their bedrooms and sitting on the edge of their beds as they said their evening prayers as a family unit. The only one who even followed up on that routine was John who enjoyed just chatting with Alan even if it was just a reminder to come to his room across the hall if he couldn't sleep or needed to talk.

"Well, that's good to hear Sprout." Scott grinned as he finally got to use the nickname he'd christened his baby brother with when he was just a tiny baby. "Now what do you say we get this baby going and see how fast she flies?"

"Yep!" Alan eyes closed in excitement and his smile shone brightly. Kneeling onto the ground, Alan placed the car onto the bit of ramp that he and Scott built out of things from the scraps of junk destined to go to the junkyard. Scott crawled over and joined Alan by the start of the ramp. Both brothers placed a hand on the car and pulled it back like it was preparing to leave the starting gate.

"On the count of three Al…one – two…three!" Scott counted down before lifting Alan's hand from on top of the car and watching as the little car flew down the hill.

Both Alan and Scott cheered as the car raced down the hill, taking the curves and jumps like an actual experienced driver sat behind the wheel. When the car came to a stop at the bottom, it was by Gordon's feet who had stepped outside after hearing Scott and Alan whooping and hollering from the top of the hill. Looking down he saw the little car he'd swore he'd gotten rid of not long after Alan had been kidnapped.

Looking up, Gordon found he was unable to mask the hurt on his face. It hurt to see the little car again, despite having Alan back and seeing it bring a smile onto his baby brother's face. Turning, Gordon ran down towards the beach – wanting to get far away from Alan, Scott, the memories and especially the car. Alan and Scott watched Gordon's face fall, before Scott ran after Gordon when the redheaded teenager ran away.

Alan's shoulders slumped in disappointment at being left alone. Not only was he kind of trapped on a very steep hill, but he felt terrible. He didn't think Gordon would have gotten so mad over seeing the little car again, but obviously Scott forgot to tell Gordon that he'd kept the car. Feeling even more like a heel, Alan stood up unsteadily and limped away in the direction opposite to where Scott and Gordon had gone.

… … … … … … …

"Gordon!" Scott cupped a hand around his mouth and called for his little brother. He wanted to apologize to him…for hurting him. He hadn't meant to hurt the redhead, especially since he'd broken his promise to never make Gordon have to look at the car ever again. When he'd initially rescued the little car from the box of rubbish to be donated, Scott had hidden it from Gordon – not wanting it to be stolen or broken because it brought back painful memories. "Please come out Gordo! I'm sorry!"

… … … … … … …

Gordon sat on a little shelf overlooking the ocean. It was just barely big enough for Gordon to sit on, but he'd managed to find it and use it as a hiding place when he fled from his older brothers after pranking them. He could hear Scott calling for him, but he didn't feel ready to talk to Scott. He was mad that Scott broke his promise. It wasn't fair. That was originally his car, who was Scott to take it and hang onto it when Gordon wanted to dispose of it?

… … … … … … …

John and Virgil were in the gaming room challenging each other to a game of billiards…it wasn't unusual for the boys to know how to play it at their age as their dad enjoyed a game or two before he unwound for the evening. When the door opened and Scott stuck his head into the room, both Virgil and John were surprised to see a sheen of sweat slicking Scott's forehead.

"Scott, what's wrong?" John laid his billiards stick down and walked towards his brother.

"I can't find Gordo…he ran away earlier after Alan and I ran a lap with that little derby car." Scott ran his fingers through his hair and looked around in bewilderment. "I need your help to find him and apologize to him, please!"

Virgil followed John's lead and lay his billiards cue down before following his two older brothers from the room to go look for Gordon.


	5. Lost

Alan wrapped his arms about his midsection as he continued to limp through the overgrowth of the jungle. He didn't know how he'd found himself to be in the jungle, but currently he didn't care. He couldn't stay there anymore. Ray was right. He was good for nothing except to cause pain. That was why Devon had been hurt so much, he was always taking Alan's beatings for him – determined to not allow his little brother to be hurt for all his mistakes.

Looking around, Alan realized that he was lost. He didn't know where he was at, yet despite how scared he was – he couldn't find it in himself to turn around and go back the way he came. For one, he didn't think he'd be missed. Gordon was none too happy to see him and Scott having fun with that car and Alan should have known better. Scott explained that Gordon wanted to get rid of the car and had tried to do so – that should have proved to Alan how much it wasn't appreciated to play with that car.

It was getting dark. Looking around once more Alan figured that now would be a good time to look at his watch. Glancing down Alan checked the time and heaved a sigh. It was almost his bedtime. Eight at night and yet it was still bright for early evening. Continuing to walk, Alan wasn't watching where he was going and fell through the bushes. Landing on his stomach, Alan pounded a fist on the ground in anger.

It wasn't his fault…how could everything be his fault? It just wasn't fair. He never should have been rescued. By neither Devon nor the Thunderbirds. It was his fault that Gordon was mad at Scott, why his brothers and father smothered him and why he wasn't free to express himself. It just wasn't fair.

"I want to go home." Alan whimpered as he rolled off of his stomach and sat up, pulling his knees to his chest.

… … … … … … …

"Gordon! There you are!" Scott strode forward and wrapped his younger brother in a hug.

"Here I am." Gordon responded, his attitude detached.

"Where did you go? We've been looking all over for you." John made his way forward and cast worried – anger filled eyes towards his younger brother.

"I'm sorry, I just had to get away for a little bit." Gordon shrugged, feeling slightly guilty for having worried his brothers so much.

"You had us worried sick! You're lucky we didn't tell dad that you ran away!" Virgil joined in on haranguing his younger brother. "We've been looking for you for hours!"

"I know…I'm sorry." Gordon's voice rose an octave as he stressed how sorry he was.

"Come on. Now that we've found you let's get back up to the house before dad notices us all missing for dinner." Scott wrapped an arm around Gordon's shoulders and led him up the path towards the villa. John and Virgil followed their older and younger brother and when they reached the pools, John paused slightly and looked around. Something felt wrong to him, yet he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Hey Scott, you guys go on. I'm going to go get Alan from his room for dinner." John waved at his brothers as he took the stairs two at a time to get to the landing.

John put his hands in his pockets as he meandered down the hall towards his baby brother's room. He felt bad for having ignored Alan all day; usually he couldn't pry the kid from his side unless he or Alan had to use the restroom so naturally it felt weird these last two days to not have Alan practically attached to his hip. Reaching Alan's bedroom door, John knocked lightly.

"Alan? Hey kiddo, is it okay if I come in?" John knocked again when he didn't receive a reply. Furrowing his eyebrows slightly, John tried once more thinking that Alan may have fallen asleep since that usually happened after he was given a dose of extra strength Dramamine. "Alan? Come on buddy, it's time for dinner."

Opening Alan's bedroom door, John peered inside the darkened room. He reached in and turned the dial to turn the light up gently so it wouldn't hurt Alan's eyes from the sudden brightness. Looking towards Alan's bed, John felt like the air had been knocked out of him when he found Alan's bed and room to be unoccupied. Feeling his heart thudding painfully in his chest, John stepped uneasily into Alan's bedroom.

"Alan?" John walked towards Alan's en suite bathroom and found it to be empty. Striding towards the closet, John checked there before dropping to his knees to check beneath Alan's bed. Alan was nowhere to be found and John felt like he couldn't breathe. "Alan, please come out buddy."

When Alan didn't reply, John turned his gaze towards the hall and jogged from Alan's room towards his own. Shoving his door open, John came to a stop inside his own bedroom before checking all the same places he'd checked in Alan's bedroom. Not finding his baby brother anywhere, John turned his eyes to stare out the window. Night had fallen, the birds having gone to nest for the evening.

"Alan?!" John grabbed the flashlight which he kept in his room usually reserved for power outages and he tore down the stairs. "Dad!"

Jeff met the stargazer at the bottom of the stairs, closely followed by his other sons only to see a frantic John barreling down the stairs. Stepping forward, Jeff grasped John's shoulders and lightly shook him to get his attention.

"John, what's the matter?" Jeff asked in a worried tone of voice.

"Alan! He's missing!" John knocked his father's hands off his shoulder and stepped around his father and brothers. "I need to find him!"

"Missing? What do you mean?" Jeff reached out and gripped John's forearm firmly and turned him to face him. "What is going on John?"

"Alan, he's not in his bedroom nor is he in mine! I can't find him! I haven't seen him in hours!" John wrenched his arm from his father's grip and turned on his flashlight before running out the front door. "Alan?!"

… … … … … … …

Alan lay on his side beside a giant fallen tree trunk. Pulling a giant leaf over top of him for warmth, Alan slid into the hoodie which he had tied around his waist. He felt exhausted and hungry. Sniffling slightly, Alan burrowed under the leaf with a shiver. Despite it being a tropical island, it tended to get cold during the night and Alan was beginning to feel it.

Rolling over, Alan lay on his folded arm with a sigh. He blinked in attempt to fight the burning behind his eyes. He just wanted to go home, but he didn't know which was home. He missed Pastor Woods and his family and wanted more than anything to be back with them. They at least treated him normal, didn't smother him or make him feel awkward.

_ "Alan?!"_

_ "Come on out bean! Pastor Woods isn't going to hurt you buddy!" Thumping footsteps echoed through the house as sneaker clad feet ran up the stairs._

_ Sucking in a deep breath, he clenched his eyes closed as he tried to hide in the broom closet. He was scared, he'd made him mad. He didn't want to be sent away again. He hadn't meant it. It was an accident!_

_ "Hey Bean, what's wrong?" Jeremiah knelt in the doorway of the broom closet as he inspected his newest foster brother. He'd only just moved in three weeks earlier and already he was doing what his case worker warned he might do when put in a stressful situation. Hide. 'What's with the tears buddy?"_

_ "I'm sorry!" Alan whimpered as he roughly rubbed his sleeve over his eyes in an effort to dry his tears. He hadn't meant to knock over the family portrait and break the glass. It was an accident! How was he supposed to know that the jacket he had tied around his waist would get hung up on the corner's edge and inadvertently drag the table away from the wall – just enough to cause the picture to wobble and fall to the floor with a crash._

_ "Pastor Woods isn't mad…he knows it was an accident." Jeremiah reached out to touch his newest foster brother and paused when the little ten year old flinched. "I won't hurt you buddy, come on out. Please?"_

_ Alan shook his head, he was afraid he'd be hurt if he came out._

_ "He won't hurt you bean. I promise." Jeremiah reached out once more to touch his foster brother and groaned when he flinched again. "Hold on a moment Bean."_

_ The door closed, enshrouding Alan in the darkness – where he felt he belonged. Hushed voices could be heard within the small confines of the broom closet._

_ "Why me? You talk to him!"_

_ "Because Stacy, you're a girl – Alan's case worker said he's fine around girls it's boys he feels uncomfortable being around." Jeremiah urged the girl on. "Please, just talk to him. Pull out the mushy feely crap you girls are good at doing and get Alan to come out of the closet!"_

_ "Wow, you're a real jackass you know that? Fine! But just so you know, if he doesn't listen, the twerp can stay in there and miss out on cheesy macaroni and hamburger night – because I ain't missing it." A feminine voice replied with a hiss._

_ "I'm telling mom you said jackass, you'll be so grounded." Jeremiah stated with a sing-song voice._

_ "Go ahead, you can just join me in being grounded because I'll tell mom that you wasted perfectly good spaghetti the other night by dumping it down the garbage disposal." Stacy said, a smirk present in her voice._

_ "Fine, you win – but just. Please try to get him to come out. We need to follow the guidelines that Ms. Alexander laid out for Alan and that means we can't let him hide from every little thing that scares him. It won't help him get over it, it'll only make him worse." Jeremiah begged. "Please? He's turned on the waterworks and won't let me come close – you're the only other one who can get through to him since Sally doesn't understand and may only scare Alan more."_

_ "Alright, alright. But you owe me." Stacy replied with a huff._

_ Once more the closet door opened, only this time a skinny teenaged girl with shiny black hair and glasses knelt on the floor. She leaned in slightly and ran the tips of her fingers over Alan's jawline. He stiffened, but didn't flinch or pull away._

_ "Hey twerp, what's going on with you?" She lifted Alan's head to look at her. His blue eyes shone with tears, but other than that he looked no different. "What's the matter?"_

_ "I…I'm sorry." Alan sniffled. He was scared that he'd ruined his chance of staying with this new family._

_ "Sorry for what? Knocking over that picture? It happens." Stacy tilted her head with a small smile. "Will you come out? I promise you Pastor Woods isn't mad. He knows it was an accident."_

_ "But…" Alan began, but a finger to his lips silenced him._

_ "It was an accident, trust me. You should see what tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb have broken in this house before you arrived. Sliding glass windows, bedroom windows, car windows, door jams, drinking glasses, dinner plates, mom's fine china set…the list goes on and on. Dad and mom aren't going to be mad or hate you for a picture falling and breaking." Stacy reached out with her other hand and brushed Alan's tears away, "Come on out, please? It's cheesy macaroni and hamburger night, you're favorite last I heard."_

_ Stacy tugged on Alan's arm gently, coaxing him to come out of the closet. After bringing him out, Jeremiah closed the door before patting Stacy on the back. He stood next to his foster sister and smiled at Alan._

_ "See, you do have a heart in there you big old softie!" Jeremiah chuckled but cried out when Stacy turned and punched him hard in the arm. "Ow!"_

_ "Come on twerp, let's go get some dinner." Stacy wrapped her arm around Alan's shoulder and tried to bring him closer. He stiffened again and twisted out of Stacy's arm. "Come on, we're not going to hurt you."_

_ "I don't want to. I'll get in trouble." Alan inched backwards towards his new bedroom. He was still living out of his backpack; it was just a place to sleep for now, not a home._

_ "No you won't bean. I swear, dad will just be happy to see you weren't hurt." Jeremiah reached out a hand, beckoning his foster brother to join him and Stacy with going downstairs where they could hear the family gathering for dinner. "Come on."_

_ Alan looked hesitantly down at Jeremiah's hand, before meeting his gaze. His face was calm, not twisted in anger or frustration. Not at all like the last people he lived with – his wrist still hurt from that couple. Reaching out a slightly shaky hand, Alan took Jeremiah's hand while Stacy took his other hand. Heaving a sigh, Alan allowed his foster brother and sister to lead him down the stairs where his newest father and mother stood in the kitchen, setting the place settings for six – technically seven if you counted Sally who was seated in a high chair eating mushed sweet potato from a glass jar._

_ Sucking in a deep breath, Alan faced the proverbial music – but the reaction he got was not what he was expecting. Jeremiah and Stacy had separated from Alan by this time – leaving the kid to fend for himself while Pastor and Ms. Woods crowded around him, checking him over for wounds._

_ "Alan, are you hurt anywhere?" Ms. Woods inquired as she pushed up Alan's sleeve to inspect his wrist which he still wore a brace on thanks to the last family he lived with that dislocated the boy's wrist in a fit of anger while refusing to take him to the hospital to have it set back in and stabilized for almost a week. Despite him being right handed, he'd forced himself to use his right hand to complete homework assignments no matter how much pain he was in. It wasn't until it was time for his one month check-up later that week that medical personnel as well as Ms. Alexander discovered Alan was being abused. Ms. Alexander refused to take Alan back to that home and she went to their house herself – sans Alan to go gather his stuff. What little he owned at the time._

_ "No…I'm sorry." Alan's face crumbled right then and there and he quickly found himself in the middle of a group hug. Pastor and Ms. Woods both soothed him, Ms. Woods shushing his cries and pressing kiss after kiss upon his temple while whispering words of comfort._

_ "It was an accident darling – there is nothing to be sorry about." Ms. Woods stated softly – albeit firmly. She used her thumbs and brushed Alan's tears away from his eyes and kissed his forehead tenderly. Pastor Woods rubbed his hand up and down Alan's back soothingly before patting his shoulder._

_ "It's no problem Alan. Pictures fall all the time, accidents happen." Pastor Woods stated. "We're not mad at you, it was an accident. Do you understand Alan?"_

_ "Yes sir…I'm sorry." Alan mumbled._

_ "Please quit apologizing Alan. We know it was an accident." Pastor Woods gently put two hands on either side of Alan's face. "None of this is your fault."_

… … … … … … …

John shone the flashlight beam around, illuminating the brush. He'd checked down by the beach, all of Alan's favorite hidey holes and he could be found nowhere. Now John was resorting to searching through the last known location he'd heard of Alan being. Scott had groaned when he realized he'd run after Gordon, leaving Alan to try to hobble down the steep hillside below towards the patio. Needless to say their dad now found out that Gordon had run away in anger while Scott gave chase – leaving Alan by himself.

"Alan?! Come on! Answer me!" John ran up to the hillside where Scott said he'd left Alan and checked around for signs that Alan might still be there and all he found were scuff marks in the dirt where Alan had limped away, his walking boot dragging slightly thanks to the weight. Shining his light at the ground, John followed the scuff marks along the ground.

As he followed the scuff marks into the jungle, John felt his heart break. Alan had been left alone, all alone and he'd wandered into the jungle, no doubt trying to get back to the house. Anger overtook the sympathy, but it wasn't anger at Alan – it was at Scott and Gordon primarily. John was angry at Gordon for having run away and John was angry at Scott for leaving Alan rather than grabbing him and bringing him back to the house then running after Gordon.

Shining his flashlight beam around, John began to jog. He held up an arm to shield his face from tree branches as he ran and before he knew it, he'd reached the edge of a dried up riverbed. Looking down below where he stood, he saw scuff marks in the dirt and he jumped the couple feet down to land beside the scuff marks. Shining the flashlight beam around, John picked a random direction and took off at a jog.

"Alan?! Come on little buddy! It's Johnny!" John cupped a hand around his mouth to amplify his voice and continued to jog.

He'd run maybe another five minutes before he stopped to take a breath. It was by chance that he shone his light around and spotted a tuft of blonde hair peeking out from beneath a giant fern leaf.

"Alan!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I am incredibly sorry for not updating the story on New Years Eve, I had all day to do it but spent my time adding to the chapters of Rising From The Ashes and Never Look Back - Belonging. As a little something extra I've decided on the first day of this New Year to add two new chapters to this story. **_

**_Hopefully I don't die doing the Polar Bear Plunge, I must be out of my mind...who knows, maybe I'll put down my experience as a new story. We'll see how far I make it into the water, keep your fingers crossed that I make it in more than just the tops of my feet._**


	6. There'll Be Hell To Pay

Darting forward, John dropped to his knees beside the place he saw the tuft of blonde hair and lifted the leaf up to reveal Alan. He was sound asleep, but there were tear tracks dried upon his cheeks. Biting the inside of his cheek, John set his flashlight down and rolled Alan over. He'd been curled up, his knees brought up to his chest.

Reaching out gently, John palmed Alan's forehead then cheek – wiping the smudges of dirt from his baby brother's face. When Alan didn't awaken – only leaning into John's touch, it only reignited John's anger at his brothers for being stupid and not honestly thinking of how their reactions would affect Alan. Lifting Alan up, John hoisted him up from the ground – somehow managing to carry his baby brother and the flashlight. Turning back towards the house, John made his way back the way he came.

There however would be hell to pay.

… … … … … … …

Scott and Gordon both sat on the couch being reamed out by their father.

"I don't know what you two were thinking! Gordon, John and I'd just finished telling you and your brother what all had happened to Alan and this is how you react?! Now your brother is lost somewhere out there in the dark and you know as well as I do that he has to be mindful of his still healing ankle!" Jeff paused to take a breath before seeing the red-headed teenager hunker down on the couch. "And Scott, you had taken Alan up that hillside, how could you just leave him up there?"

Scott mimicked Gordon by hunkering down where he sat, feeling shame stack up on his shoulders for having not thought about how exactly Alan would get down from the hill side. He looked over at his little brother and their eyes met for a brief second before they looked away from each other in disgust. Scott was blaming Gordon for causing this whole mess while Gordon was blaming Scott for their little brother having gone missing.

"Are you two even listening to me?" Jeff inquired his face turning a shade of red as his anger began to reach a boiling point. He was more than incensed at his two sons. "Tell me, if you've really been listening to anything I've said, and then repeat to me just what I've said to you two."

Scott and Gordon remained silent as they both hadn't been listening to anything their father had said.

"Virgil get the door for me please."

"Got it, let me take your flashlight." Virgil replied in response to his brother's request. The voices of John and Virgil attracted Jeff, Scott and Gordon's attention to the foyer. The three of them scrambled towards the archway of the living room and watched as Virgil closed the front door – closely following John who was carrying Alan in his arms.

"John, you found him? Where was he?" Jeff inquired – worry staining his tone. "Is he hurt?"

"He's cut up some, but not bad hurt. Virge is going to help me clean him up and get him settled for bed." John didn't stop walking as he made his way up the stairs.

"Is there anything we can do to help John?" Gordon peeked around the corner up at his older brother and practically squeaked as John turned cold blue eyes toward him.

"No, I think you two have done enough to help. Just leave us alone." John hurried up the stairs, ignoring any further comments from his other brothers. They were in some hot water as far as he was concerned.

… … … … … … …

John shouldered past Virgil and laid Alan upon his bed before turning on the light beside the boy's bed. Alan had scratches on his face and neck, dirt smudged on his forehead. The t-shirt he wore had a rip in it. Glancing down at Alan's legs, John tensed slightly at seeing the multitudes of cuts upon Alan's limbs. Lifting one of Alan's hands, he found a lovely sized sliver in his palm and he hissed as he noticed the swelling. Alan would no doubt need a tetanus shot, that and antibiotics thanks to the brewing infection in his cuts. Glancing over his shoulder, John found that Virgil had at some point snuck from the room to retrieve the first aid kit and had opened it on the foot of Alan's bed.

"So where are we starting?" Virgil shot John an inquiring look.

"Inspecting his ankle, he was deep in the jungle and I wouldn't call that taking it easy." John began to undo the Velcro and fasteners on the walking boot before pulling it off. Alan's sock which he wore underneath was surprisingly covered in mud despite it having been dry for the most part in the jungle. Peeling the sock away from Alan's foot, John inspected the incision. It was a bright pink half-moon around the spot where his leg joined to his foot.

"I'm going to go get him some ice; his ankle looks like it's going to swell a little." Virgil leaned in to take a look at the incision also.

"Okay, please knock when you come back. I'll be changing Alan into his pajamas." John replied distractedly.

"Got it." Virgil left Alan's bedroom, pulling the door closed as he left.

Once John was left alone with Alan, he released a deep sigh. Gordon and Scott were so dead for upsetting Alan as much as they did, it wasn't warranted for Gordon to run away over a little derby car, nor was it fair for Scott to give chase and not stop a moment to think that maybe Alan couldn't get down by himself. Shaking his head in disgust, John retrieved Alan's pjs and went about changing Alan from his muddy and torn clothes into a baggy t-shirt – one which had actually belonged to John and sleep shorts.

Sitting down on the bed, John reached out a hand and gently brushed Alan's hair from his face. Pursing his lips slightly, John went to Alan's en suite bathroom and retrieved a cloth to rinse the dirt smudges from Alan's face. Just as he was re-entering Alan's bedroom John looked towards the door when he heard a quiet knock.

"Come in." John replied softly, knowing that Virgil could hear him no matter how quietly he spoke. All his brothers and father were used to him speaking softly; mainly because he hadn't ever been very loud. Growing up he barely spoke above a whisper, so his family was use to listening for his quiet voice.

The door opened a crack and Virgil stuck his head in the door to peer at his older brother.

"Is Alan decent?" Virgil didn't want to make his little brother uncomfortable if he knew he hadn't been decent when he'd been treating his wounds.

"Yeah, I wouldn't have told you to come in if he wasn't." John replied with a '_duh_' tone of voice. "Can you come lend a hand with removing this sliver?"

"Sure." Virgil came forward and lay the small baggy of ice wrapped in a towel on Alan's ankle before sitting on the bed beside John to work on Alan's hand. Rummaging through the first aid kit, Virgil retrieved a small blade to cut a small incision beneath the sliver in order to remove it. Donning a pair of gloves first, Virgil set to work on removing the sliver. "Holy cow, what did Alan do?"

"Fell down a small hill and from the looks of it tried break his fall with his hands." John turned to grab a small piece of gauze for Virgil to place the removed sliver from Alan's hand. "I think that's a record sized sliver, wouldn't you say that is at least two inches long?"

"I think it's at least two and a half inches. That hurts me just thinking about how that felt going in. It had to have hurt more going in than it did coming out." Virgil replied before he retrieved some antiseptic. "You take care of sterilizing his other cuts while I bandage this up."

"Okay, thanks for your help Virge." John whispered as he leaned in close to Alan in order to wipe Alan's face down.

When they finished cleaning and sterilizing all of Alan's wounds, they proceeded with cleaning up their mess. John tucked Alan into bed before he leaned down and pressed a light kiss to Alan's forehead. Like a parent watching over a newborn child, John hesitated in leaving when he stood in the doorway before switching the light off and pulling Alan's bedroom door closed with a soft click.

… … … … … … …

Scott and Gordon sat on the couch together, their shoulders slumped in defeat. Despite Scott being twenty-one, he'd been grounded as had Gordon. Both of them were not too happy to have been grounded, but they knew they deserved it. Ears perking up slightly, the two brothers looked up when they heard the telltale shuffling of John's footsteps. John rounded the corner and instantly both brothers knew they'd crossed John and the consequences would be dire.

John's blue eyes were cold as they looked upon the pilot and swimmer. Flinching slightly, Gordon and Scott sent each other a look before they stood to follow John when he held out a hand used his index finger to gesture in a 'come hither' motion. John lead his brothers towards the game room, it was well insulated enough to muffle noise in the event there was loud game play or movies being watched on the entertainment center.

Scott and Gordon stepped into the room and refused to meet John's eyes when he glared at them from where he stood behind the door. Shutting the door with a firm click, John stood with his back to the door, his arms crossed over his chest. If looks could kill, Scott and Gordon might be pushing up daisies by now.

"What were you two thinking?" John inquired coldly.

"I swear, I didn't mean to forget Alan was with me." Scott started, but he clamped his mouth closed at the zip it motion from John.

"But you did! He was right beside you, how in the world do you forget that you've got an eleven year old kid right beside you?" John asked vehemently. "That doesn't make him feel very welcome, you know that right?!"

"Now just hold on one moment!" Scott started, but he quickly shut his mouth when John interrupted him.

"Let me finish!" John stalked forward and stood toe to toe with Scott, gazing up at his brother as he was almost a head shorter than his big brother. "You all are constantly mothering him, do you have any idea how small that makes him feel?"

"He is small, he's eleven years old!" Scott defended.

"Maybe physically, but mentally and emotionally he is practically an adult. All his life he's had to be self-reliant and since moving back in with us he has no room to be himself! He's damn well old enough to feel like a burden on us because he needs to be carried sometimes!" John stated heatedly.

"What in the world are you so mad about?" Gordon inquired, not quite understanding why his brother was so mad.

"Because you all feel he's old enough to be left on his own, while he's still required to stay in his walking boot but you can't seem to let him express himself anywhere else!" John rounded on Gordon, anger showing in his eyes.

"Hey now, that was an accident!" Scott tried again to defend himself against John's attacks.

"Was it Scott? Is this just going to be a one-time incident – or are there going to be more? Maybe forget Alan's with you one of those days that dad requests you go with him to a Tracy Corp. meeting?" John held up both hands and snapped his fingers. "Just like that, a puff of smoke and he's gone again?!"

"That's not fair, take it back John." Scott felt his proverbial hackles rising.

"No! You need to learn now that you need to be mindful that Alan is Back. With. Us!" John gestured violently at himself. "He's here, you can't just forget he's here and expect him to feel welcome!"

"Stop!" Gordon raised his voice to encourage his brothers to quit arguing. Their voices were rising and Gordon was afraid their voices might carry and Alan would hear them arguing.

John and Scott continued quibbling, their voices gradually rising as they argued passionately over who was in the right and who was in the wrong. Gordon had just about had enough. They were so loud right now, their father could probably hear them in his office in the other wing, undoubtedly Alan could hear their raised voices. Clenching his teeth together, Gordon stood up from where he'd perched on the arm of the couch.

"Shut. The. Hell. Up!" Gordon yelled as loud as he could in order to be heard over his brother's arguing voices. Immediately John and Scott halted in their argument and looked at Gordon. The redhead puffed out a breath shakily, before speaking calmly to his brothers. "Look at yourselves, John you say that Alan can't hear yelling and yet here you are screaming at the top of your lungs at Scott. What if Alan had heard you? From what you and dad were telling us, he drops like a rock and locks himself away mentally when he hears yelling! Do you think if he heard you and Scott – or saw you two for that matter that he'd want to be around you?"

John stopped and had the decency to look ashamed. He didn't normally lose his temper that easily, but sometimes if just the right button was pushed – the famous Tracy temper came out and reared its ugly head. Right now, the only thing that made him tic was if anything hurt his baby brother – whether intentional or not. He'd fiercely defend the boy, no matter what.

Pausing, John sent a guilty look up at Scott and Gordon. He hadn't meant to lose his temper, he just did. Normally he had a good handle on his temper, but other times there were times where he let himself express that anger he'd buried deep inside. Mainly the anger and pain from these last six years since Alan was taken from them. He knew his psychologist told him internalizing anger wasn't constructive, but John didn't care.

"I'm sorry." John admitted quietly.

"Apology accepted." Scott stated, a playful grin rising up on his face. "Besides, if you talk to psycho lady anytime soon, you can let her know you've vented recently."

"Yeah right, I've got Alan back – I don't need psycho lady anymore." John chuckled. He couldn't stand his psychologist. She had the most annoying voice and it wasn't that she was a psycho, it was the fact that she made John feel like going psycho.

"Yeah, I suppose." Scott replied.

… … … … … … …

Alan pried his eyes open and looked around the room. He jumped as he noticed a figure sitting by his bed, a magazine lying open in his lap. He was curled up, legs folded up crisscross applesauce style – a flashlight in hand so he could read in the dark without disturbing Alan's sleep.

"Hey little buddy. I didn't mean to scare you." Virgil leaned in close to Alan and extended a hand out to him tentatively. Alan looked around like he wanted to escape, but he held perfectly still as Virgil put a hand on Alan's forehead to check if he was running a fever from his little jungle run extravaganza. Feeling satisfied that he was fine, Virgil pulled away before sending a wink Alan's way. "No fever, looks like you're A-Okay."

Casting a look around the room; Alan scooted back on his bed - closer to the wall.

"Where's John?" Alan looked around in vain for his brother. John was his security blanket. Not finding John anywhere, Alan turned worried eyes toward Virgil and the medic sent a sad smile Alan's way.

"He's downstairs." Virgil replied to Alan. "How are you feeling? You nearly gave us a heart attack when you came up missing."

Alan didn't say anything to that. He felt like Virgil was fibbing, otherwise why would Scott have left him alone and why would Gordon have run away? Instead Alan answered Virgil's question.

"I'm okay." Alan mumbled, not wanting to admit how much his ankle was truly hurting him or how sore he felt. Alan sat up and kicked his blankets away, before trying to stand. When he stumbled, thanks to the swelling in his ankle – Virgil caught him with a steady hand.

"Whoa buddy." Virgil caught Alan and placed a hand against the boy's chest – his fingers spread out as wide as they'd go. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"I want to see John." Alan lifted his bad foot up, favoring it.

"Let me help you." Virgil moved to pick Alan up, but the boy hobbled away. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"No, it's okay. I can do it myself." Alan wrapped his arms around his torso as if he was hugging himself.

"You're gonna hurt yourself and John will kill me Allie. Please let me help you." Virgil tried out his own version of puppy dog eyes since seeing Alan do it to pull one over on John – it had the desired effect as Alan heaved a deep sigh.

"Fine, but please don't pick me up." Alan's face burned with a blush at accepting the help.

"Okay, not a problem." Virgil held his hands out in a placating manner before he stepped up and took Alan by the arm and wrapped it around his waist. "Hold on to me Alan and I'll walk with you."

Alan looked at Virgil with mistrust, but he bit his lip. Virgil was asking to help him – not demanding it – so Alan was okay with it to a point. Virgil waited until Alan took a step, before wrapping his arm around Alan's shoulder and bracing him against his side. They made good progress until they reached the stairs; by this time Virgil knelt down – insisting that Alan hop a ride on his older brother's back.

Once Alan was settled on Virgil's back, the medic went down the stairs and entered the living room. Not finding John, Scott or Gordon anywhere – Virgil decided to trek around the villa in search of his brothers. Stopping outside the game room, Virgil hesitated in opening the door. He knew John had been pissed off – he'd left Alan's bedroom muttering angrily. Unfortunately, if Virgil turned away now, Alan would suspect something was up and demand to head back. Closing his eyes and sending up a prayer – Virgil opened the door and was surprised to find the room somewhat quiet.

Gordon lay on the couch, John sat in one of the many overstuffed arm chairs tapping the remote control rhythmically – watching an episode of Crisis and Scott stood next to the large bay window looking outside at the surf in the moonlight's glow.

"Johnny?" Alan asked from Virgil's shoulder and every brother in the room save for Virgil turned to look at Alan.

"Yeah buddy?" John muted the television and looked towards his baby brother.

"Um…could you help open up an email for me? I don't know your password." Alan wanted to email Pastor and Ms. Woods.

"Sure buddy." John shut off the television and stood up before helping Alan down from Virgil's back.


	7. Big Brothers To The Rescue

"There you go bud. Did you need anything else?" John gently scratched Alan's scalp.

"No, but thanks Johnny." Alan replied softly, waiting until John gave him his space to write to his previous foster parents. He missed them, but he stayed in contact with them. They traded weekly emails and occasional phone calls with each other over this past month. John would occasionally send emails to the Woods family also giving updates on Alan.

"Okay, please be sure to log me out when you're done writing to Pastor and Mrs. Woods, I don't want Gordo to be able to hack into my account." John squeezed Alan's shoulder and smiled down at the younger boy.

"Sure thing Johnny." Alan nodded at John before turning back to the computer.

Nodding to himself, John stepped out of his bedroom; leaving Alan sitting in front of his laptop. Pulling his door shut, he came literally face to face with Virgil. The teenager had his arms crossed over his chest and a single eyebrow rose in question at his older brother.

"So…how did the talk with Scott and Gordo go?" Virgil was perceptive. He knew that by seeing John as calm as he was now than when he'd left earlier practically with steam pouring out of his ears that John had found a way to release said frustration. How he'd successfully gotten rid of the anger enough for Alan to not be able to sense it was impressive. Either Virgil didn't know John very well or John had in fact laid it on his older and younger brothers about how angry he was and hurt that the two brothers could so easily forget Alan's presence.

"Good, I think we've come to an understanding." John replied softly. Turning back to look at his closed bedroom door, John gestured with his head for Virgil to follow him – away from the bedroom door where Alan could possibly hear.

Virgil nodded before leading John a couple doors down to his own bedroom. The two brothers stepped just in the door and pulled it to in order to talk in privacy.

… … … … … … …

Alan sat in front of the laptop and he started off his customary email message to his previous foster parents.

_ To Pastor and Ms. Woods,_

_ Hi, it's just me again. Wanted to let you know how I'm doing. _

_ I'm doing okay, I miss seeing you all. My dad and brothers are cool. I went to the doctor the other day for one of my follow-up appointments, doctor told me I'm good. I like her okay, but I liked the doctor Sir had for me more, he was funny._

_ I ran away earlier today. I upset one of my brothers and he left and my oldest brother ran after him, leaving me alone on a hill that I was unable to get down from on my own. I thought I could get home on my own by following a small trail and got lost in the jungle. I think I got Scott and Gordon in trouble, I didn't mean it I swear._

_ I miss you guys. I want to come visit, but I don't know when I'd be able to. _

_ Love you all_

_ Alan_

Reading through the email, Alan shook his head before deleting a line or two and retyping the sentence to fit more what he really felt. Smiling sadly, Alan hit the send button and waited for the little ding to sound off before he logged off his brother's laptop and closing the lid. Standing on unsteady feet, Alan took a step onto his bad ankle and felt his leg give. Tumbling to the floor, Alan groaned. His chin hurt, so did his tongue. Pushing up to sit on his knees, Alan drew his arm over his mouth. Taking a quick glance down at his arm, he panicked slightly at seeing there was a smear of blood. Wiping his arm on the underside of his t-shirt, Alan stood up before hobbling towards the door slowly.

Reaching the door, Alan heaved a sigh. He felt exhausted, not hungry like he had been earlier when he'd been lost in the jungle. Deciding dinner could wait, Alan shuffled across the hall and into his own bedroom. Closing the door quietly, Alan returned to his bed and clambered up inside. Pulling the blankets up over his shoulders, Alan didn't even bother turning out the lights. Alan was soon fast asleep.

Almost a half hour passed before a quiet knock sounded on the door. The door swung open slowly with a creek and a blonde head poked into the room, followed by a brown haired individual.

"Alan? Psst! Are you awake?" John whispered from the door.

Alan didn't stir, he gave a snort to signify that he stirred in his sleep but nothing else. John crept forward, closely followed by Virgil until both brothers stood beside Alan's bed like they'd been doing the hours prior.

"They're so cute when they're sleeping." Virgil commented as he reached out tentatively and brushed a lock of sandy blonde hair from Alan's face. Alan slept on, his mouth open slightly as he snored softly. His face was relaxed in his sleep and Alan hugged a body pillow John had given him from his own bed. Alan felt the need to cuddle sometimes in his sleep and if he didn't have anyone or anything to cuddle with he'd usually awaken and remain awake until exhaustion took home the trophy. Thus the reason John gave Alan his favorite body pillow.

John would admit it, he was cuddly in his sleep too. His dad and brothers could attest to that from watching him grow up. If something soft and squishy came within range, John could usually sense it and if he was having a restless night sleep, he'd usually latch onto that soft and squishy thing whether that be his dad, brothers, slipper or pillow and cuddle.

John grabbed the blankets and pulled them up from Alan's waist to meet his shoulders. Leaning down, John brushed a soft kiss across Alan's forehead before pulling away and practically dragging Virgil with him. The two older brothers crept from Alan's bedroom and pulled the door closed, John turned the lights down slightly so that Alan's room was still illuminated but not so bright that it'd disturb his sleep.

"That was your pillow wasn't it John?" Virgil inquired, he hadn't been made aware that John had given up his pillow to his baby brother.

"Yeah, but it's Alan's pillow now." John replied as he returned to his own bedroom.

"Why is it Alan's pillow now?" Virgil tilted his head in question.

"Because it is." John didn't want to go into detail that he'd given Alan his body pillow to make adjusting to life on Tracy Island easier, especially those rare times that John went out on a rescue close to or during Alan's bedtime and wouldn't be able to tuck Alan in or give him a hug goodnight.

"Did Alan just snitch it from your bed?" Virgil was genuinely curious, John was usually very possessive of his things – including his pillows.

"No, I gave it to him. He was having trouble sleeping so he came to my room. I let him sleep in my bed and he took the pillow almost immediately and snuggled with it until the next morning. I figured if the pillow brought him enough comfort to sleep through the night that it'd be worth it to part with it." John stated. He didn't comment that the body pillow kept away the nightmares for the most part, but John knew they did. He assumed it was because the pillow smelled like him and Alan had commented once when he was running the fever in the hospital after the landslide that he thought John smelled nice. He'd heard theories that comfort items – things that reminded somebody of a smell or person often brought comfort, John's body pillow must have done that for Alan. Lord knows John had that pillow since he was Gordon's age.

Virgil nodded his head slowly as if in agreement. "So how have you been sleeping since you don't have your favorite pillow anymore?"

"I've been sleeping fine. Besides, I can get a new one." John turned in his doorway to look at Virgil. "Listen, I appreciate all that you did for me today, helping me look for Alan and helping me doctor him up; but I should probably be heading to bed myself. I'm exhausted."

"Okay grandpa Tracy, have a good sleep." Virgil winked at John teasingly.

"Hardy har har Virge. I'll show you grandpa Tracy, but maybe another time." John shook his head slowly before stepping behind his door and pulling it closed. "Night."

Virgil stood in the hall and waited a few moments before he turned to walk down to the living room. Despite it having been a busy day - an extremely busy day, Virgil wasn't tired just quite yet. Glancing quickly at his watch, Virgil sighed softly to himself. It wasn't even nine in the evening yet.

… … … … … … …

_ "Where is that damn boy?" Holding his breath, Alan leaned back against the wall in the hidden closet. His new daddy came home smelling like an alcohol distillery and little Alan could smell it from where he'd hidden in Devon's trick closet door. "Damn it! I said where is he?!"_

_ "Hidden, not that you'll ever find him!" _

_ "What'd you say to me boy?!" The deep timbre of the voice sent chills up little Alan's spine._

_ "I said, he's hidden! You aren't going to find him!"_

_**'Devon, please don't make daddy mad anymore!'**__ Little Alan pulled his knees to his chest. He could feel his heart racing in his chest and it was pounding hard enough to make little Alan's chest hurt._

_ "Well you'd better bring the little bastard out of hiding! He needs his medicine." The '__**snick'**__ of leather made itself known and little Alan stifled a sob. He hated getting his medicine. It consisted of being hit twenty times with his daddy's belt, while Devon was made to watch. When little Alan finished receiving his medicine, then it was Devon's turn. Only Devon was required to receive five more than Alan._

_ How did Alan know how many times he and Devon were smacked with their daddy's belt? Simple…Ray made them count aloud. If they messed up in counting, they'd need to start all over again until they reached twenty, however that was a problem for little Alan because he kept getting numbers mixed up because the highest he'd ever learned to count was to six._

_ "Never! You aren't going to lay another hand on him! He's not some target for target practice!" Devon defended Alan for he knew where Alan was hidden. He was the one who told Alan to hide when he heard the drunk ramblings of their new daddy as he made his way up the footpath to their front door. Their new mommy had gone out with another guy while Ray was gone and hadn't returned yet – leaving Alan and Devon alone. _

_ "Bring him out NOW!" Ray bellowed._

_ "NO!" Devon matched Ray's bellow with one of his own and he guarded his closet. Despite his obvious protective stance in front of the closet door, Ray was so unbelievably drunk he could barely stand on his own two feet. How he managed to drive back from the bar without killing someone, himself, driving off the road or getting lost was an unfortunate miracle. Devon had been preparing to take Alan and scamper off into the night when Ray arrived back home._

_ "Damn it boy! Move!" Ray physically shoved Devon away having figured out where Alan was hiding despite his being so intoxicated. A loud thump made Alan jump and he pressed himself back further into the corner, trying to hide and wish himself invisible._

_ The door to the closet opened and there was Ray. His alcohol glazed eyes stared dangerously down at Alan who was curled tightly in a ball. Reaching out, Ray tangled his fingers in Alan's hair and yanked the boy up from the floor. Alan yelped and reached up to try to relieve the sharp pain from his scalp, but gave another yelp of pain as Ray tightened his grip and shook Alan's head in order to get his message across to the five year old._

_ "I'm sorry daddy! I'm sorry! I'll be good!" Alan cried out as he begged his new daddy to spare him his nightly medicine._

_ "No!" Ray unceremoniously threw Alan onto the floor before he raised the fist which had the belt wrapped tightly around his fist. Bringing his arm down, quick and like a striking snake Ray heard the satisfying sound of his belt connecting with little Alan's back._

_ Alan bit his tongue so as to not scream. Instead he tried to begin counting._

_ "One…t-two…t-t-three!" Alan's voice was soft, but it broke after each hit._

_ "I can't hear you! Start over!" Ray brought down another hit and this time Alan yelled as he counted._

_ "One! T-two!" Alan balled up his fists and tried to stop the tears from streaming down his face as he was hit several more times. He'd had to restart counting three more times when he'd gotten twelve and fourteen mixed up. When Ray finished giving Alan his medicine, he left the boy to lie on the floor. Turning away from Devon, he ran his belt back through the loops in his jeans. _

_ "Wait, what about my medicine?" Devon inquired as Ray turned to leave._

_ "Alan got your dose. Clean him up and if the neighbors come by let them know he was just throwing a tantrum about his bedtime." Ray had sobered surprisingly fast, no doubt having used the alcohol as fuel to abuse the kids. Slamming the door, Devon was left kneeling on the floor beside Alan's beaten body. Glaring out his window, Devon watched as Ray climbed back into the cab of his truck, no doubt off in search for Judy._

_ "Alan?" Devon spoke in a hushed voice to the beaten boy. The five year old didn't respond. "Come on buddy, talk to me? Please?"_

_ "I want to go home." Alan whimpered as he tried to move, but screamed out as pain lanced through his back._

_ "I know you do kiddo. I do to." Devon retrieved a pair of scissors and cut through the fabric of Alan's tee-shirt. There were rips in the fabric in places that received more abuse than others from Ray's belt. Devon hissed as he peeled Alan's tee-shirt from his body. There was a crisscross pattern of belt markings. Scabs from past beatings had opened, new ones had formed._

_ Doctoring up the beat markings to the best of his ability, Devon tucked Alan into bed. Alan was forced to sleep on his stomach, despite him being a back and side sleeper. Devon cleaned up the medical supplies and put everything away. If Alan wasn't in so much pain, Devon might just take him and flee into the night…but just moving Alan from the floor to the bed had put Alan in extreme agony and it took Devon almost an hour to get Alan to go to sleep._

_ "I'm so sorry kiddo…someday I'll get you out of here. I promise." Devon lay beside Alan and snuggled the boy close, whist being mindful of the boy's injuries.'_

… … … … … … …

Gordon made his way through the hall as he was making his way to his own bedroom. He was still kicking himself. He hadn't been mad at Alan. Jealous, maybe that Alan and Scott seemed to be having such fun together, but he wasn't mad. Gordon came to a screeching halt as he heard a choked sob.

Looking around, Gordon tried to pinpoint where the sob had come from.

Another sob, louder this time attracted Gordon's attention to Alan's bedroom. The big brother instincts came alive and he wanted to know what exactly was wrong with his little brother. Why he was crying? Stepping lightly, Gordon opened Alan's bedroom door and peeked in at his little brother. Alan was twisted around in his blankets, his face was sweat slicked and Gordon instantly felt like he was in over his head. Leaving Alan's bedroom door opened, Gordon hurriedly entered John's room without knocking and strode over to awaken his older brother.

A distressed Alan was more John's forte and Gordon knew that Alan might not take kindly to having someone who was not John handling him.

"John…John wake up!" Gordon shook John's shoulder desperately.

"Hmm? Wha…?" John came awake instantly. He was the type that woke almost instantly the moment he was touched by anyone and Gordon continually shook John's shoulder.

"Alan's crying and having a nightmare. I don't know what to do." Gordon didn't bother whispering since he wasn't likely to bother anyone. Virgil, Scott and their dad were all still awake leaving John and Alan to be asleep and Gordon was heading to bed when his dad told him it was time to go to sleep.

"What?" John came awake instantly and he threw his blankets away as he scrambled out of bed. Gordon followed John across the hall and into Alan's bedroom. John slowed his pace before reaching Alan and he sank slowly onto the boy's bed. "Hey, hey…wake up Alan."

Alan gave another sob and Gordon watched with heartbroken eyes as Alan's chest heaved with his sob.

"Come on kiddo, wake up. It's okay…ssh." John murmured quietly and he rubbed Alan's back gently but jerked away when Alan cried out. "Hey buddy, it's just me…it's Johnny. Come on kiddo wake up."

Alan began to stir and his eyes opened ever so slightly and he gazed at John through the tears welling in his eyes.

"What's the matter buddy?" John leaned in close to whisper to his little brother.

"My back hurts." Tears trailed down Alan's cheek as he stuck his bottom lip out.

"Do you mind if I take a look?" John inquired softly, but took Alan's shake of the head as permission to lift Alan's tee-shirt and take a look at his back.

Gordon felt sick at what he saw when John lifted Alan's shirt up. There were marks littering Alan's back and there wasn't an untouched place on the pale skin that didn't have nicks here and there.

"Does this feel better kiddo?" John gently rubbed his hand over the marks and scars on Alan's back and noticed his little brother relax some.

Alan sighed. His back was starting to feel better. Ms. Woods used to rub lotion on his back whenever he felt the white hot pain of the belt connecting with his back. At all his other foster homes, he was just told to deal with it and he'd begun to suck his thumb whenever the pain got really bad. It was his way of not crying out, to occupy his mouth and mind with something that didn't involve crying. He'd often get yelled at by his other foster parents whenever he cried around them, so he learned to suck it up…but Pastor and Ms. Woods, even John told him it wasn't healthy to internalize his anguish and to just cry when he needed to.


	8. Startling Realizations

_**AN: Sorry for not updating Rising From The Ashes since, what around Christmas? I am well and truly stuck on how to progress further with the story and honestly would appreciate some feedback about how further to continue. Anybody who reads it, maybe send me a PM about how to go on would be much appreciated. I seem to have lost my muse and would love to post another couple of chapters before I start back to school in about a week and a half.**_

_**Also...what do you all think of Never Look Back - Belonging...are ya liking it, want to make any suggestions on what you'd like to see happen? To be honest, I am going to put a poll up in the next day or so on my account with some options that could happen as the climax of the story. It's nowhere near done yet, I'd like to add many more chapters; but I'd like to try to make it more interesting.**_

_**Thanks for any and all reviews from my readers - you folks are the awesomest of awesome!**_

_**~Angel~**_

* * *

><p>The following morning found John asleep in Alan's bed right beside his baby brother. Alan had been too terrified to return to sleep after his nightmare. Like the past times, all Alan had to do to get John to stay and spend the night with him was say the name "Ray"…that usually solidified John's determination to stay beside his baby brother. And Alan hadn't turned the comfort away, he readily agreed to John spending the night with him and he'd glommed onto John the moment the elder blonde slipped beneath the sheets.<p>

Jeff stood in the doorway whilst holding a coffee cup in hand. He gazed at his two blonde sons and smiled sadly. Alan wasn't adjusting well to being on the island. He stuck incredibly close to John and didn't like being alone with anybody for very long. He tolerated Gordon, but he practically tucked his proverbial tail and ran to hide if he was with anybody else.

He'd recently been in contact with Alan's previous foster father and he knew this was something he had to do. Pastor Woods had offered to provide council to Alan with assisting him to adjust with his brothers and father. He had a couple of exercises he'd done with Alan to help Alan with getting adjusted to his presence. Gordon had informed him of Alan's nightmare the night prior and John's choice to sleep in bed with his little brother and Jeff honestly couldn't blame John for wanting to be there with Alan.

It'd be easier for Alan to get more adequate sleep like John if they'd combined the two bedrooms into one, but then that'd mean that Alan and John wouldn't have their own personal space. That meant that if Alan said nobody but John was permitted in his room, they'd have to abide by it even if John gave his dad and each of his brothers permission to enter their bedroom.

A snuffling sound caught his attention and when Jeff looked over he spotted John, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning mouth open wide like a bear's maw.

"What…"John grumbled as he rubbed at his sleep bleary eyes.

"Nothing, go back to sleep John." Jeff made his way further into the room and pulled the blankets back up to cover John and Alan when John groaned and lay back down. Jeff adopted a sappy smile when he watched John wrap his arms around Alan when the boy snuggled in closer and the elder brother hugged his baby brother to his chest.

Turning around Jeff left Alan's bedroom, leaving Alan and John to sleep a few more hours. It didn't matter that it was ten in the morning, the way Gordon put it…Alan hadn't been sleeping well and that required John to stay close by in order to allow Alan a restful night's sleep. Pulling the door to, Jeff strode down the hall to inform his sons to leave Alan and John be. They were tired and they'd wake up when they'd gotten enough sleep.

… … … … … … …

Jeff sat at his desk, drumming his fingers against his desk as he tried to figure out just what to do. International Rescue still needed to be run, but Jeff wanted to try to get everyone involved with helping Alan readjust to being with his dad and brothers together as a family. Jeff didn't want Pastor Woods to know their identity as International Rescue, so he couldn't bring the Pastor to their home on the island but he felt it would be awkward for Alan to bring his family to the home of his previous foster family. Jeff was so entrenched in his thoughts he hadn't heard Pastor Wood's answer the vid phone.

"Hello Jeff…how are you doing this blessed morning?" Pastor Woods smiled serenely at the father of his previous foster son.

"Hello Pastor, I'm okay…and yourself?" Jeff returned the smile to the Pastor, glad to have found a friend in the slightly younger man.

"I'm swell." Pastor Woods replied. "How are Alan and the boys?"

Jeff released a massive sigh at that question. He didn't know what category his sons fit into anymore. Were they good, great, fantastic, awful, or just okay? Jeff just didn't know anymore. He just wished everything would fall into place for him and his family. No more nightmares about losing Alan, no more nightmares or panic attacks for Alan…no fear of being alone with his dad or any of his brothers aside from John.

"What's the matter Jeff?" Pastor Woods could detect frustration in Jeff's actions and posture.

"It's Alan…he's just not adjusting well. He's still having nightmares, still waking up screaming and crying, reverting to thumb sucking when he gets scared and he's begun to cling to John more now than ever. I just…I don't know what to do." Jeff let his mask fall in front of his friend. He felt helpless. Alan was his son, but he'd admit that he didn't know how to handle anything with his little boy. It didn't help that Alan kept everyone just out of arms reach.

"I figured as much. Alan sent me an email last night, he said he'd run away. Did he?" Pastor Woods doubted Alan to be the type to run away when upset, at least he never ran whilst staying with the Pastor and his family.

"No, Scott and Gordon got caught up in the moment and left Alan at the top of a steep hill and that forced Alan to try to find his own way back to the house, he got lost and it took several hours for us to find him. John located him just off the trail in the jungle fast asleep." Jeff corrected Alan's version of the event. He didn't want the boy to take the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

"Okay, I can handle hearing that. So, have you given any thought to my earlier offer? You and your sons are more than welcome to come stay in our guest house. I'm sure Alan would like to see everybody again." Pastor Woods extended the offer once more. He wanted to help Alan readjust to being around his father and brothers once more.

"Yeah, I've given it some thought and I think we'll take you up on the offer. It's not healthy for Alan to be so afraid of us still and I can tell it's starting to wear on him." Jeff adopted a contemplative look. "When will it work for you and your family for us to pop over?"

"Well, it took about a week for us to get Alan used to being around us, so how about next week and you all come stay for a week. By the time we're finished it'll be about time for school and then Alan should be more used to the environment he's living in." Pastor Woods smiled at Jeff as he watched the father nod in agreement.

"Alright, next week then." Jeff smiled back at Pastor Woods. He was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, now it was just up to Alan to allow himself to adjust to having people that cared around him. As well as it being up to the family to help Alan along – baby steps first before leaps.

When Pastor Woods signed off the call, Jeff was left to wonder if this was the right thing to do before nodding to himself in reassurance. This was certainly the right thing. Pastor Woods and his family were the neutral party in this game while Jeff with each of his sons was the players on the field. Now it was just a matter of helping Alan along until the goal was reached and that goal was trust. Jeff wanted Alan to begin to trust them, not remain fearful – afraid that one day Jeff might raise his hand to him or that one of his brothers god forbid lay their hands on Alan. Smiling sadly to himself, Jeff got up to leave his office. He wanted to go take a walk just to release the tension and those troublesome thoughts flitting about angrily in his head.

… … … … … … …

Alan woke up and found his face being smushed into John's chest. Craning his neck, Alan looked up at his brother before grinning. He felt thankful for John having woken him up last night, staying with him when Alan hadn't the heart to ask John to stay. John was still asleep, but Alan had some urgent business to attend to and if he didn't wake John he'd remain trapped in bed and he didn't want to think of those consequences.

Poking John in the ribs, Alan huffed when John tightened his hold over Alan. John wasn't kidding when he told Alan he was a snuggle bug. Currently though, John's squeezing made Alan feel like it was putting pressure in a place that shouldn't be feeling so much pressure at the moment and he squirmed before locking his knees together.

"John, John wake up." Alan poked John in the ribs again and his hands went down to press against his bladder as he tried to concentrate on holding it while waking John up. "John, come on."

John stirred as he felt another tickle in his ribs and he knocked the tickly thing away only to have it back in just a few short minutes. Prying his eyes open the first thing he saw was Alan's distressed face. His face was bright red, his eyebrows creased and his teeth gnashed together. Alan looked more than distressed, he looked desperate.

"Hey, what's the matter bud?" John lay on his side and looked at his baby brother. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with Alan.

"I…I have to…pee." Alan hunched his shoulders as a shiver ran up his spine.

"Oh, well…let's get you to the bathroom." John pushed the blankets back before crawling out of Alan's bed and holding his hand out for Alan to take.

"Give me a minute…please." Alan squeezed his eyes shut as he pressed on his bladder once more.

"If you promise not to pee on me I'll take you to the bathroom." John offered but Alan shook his head no. He could make it to the bathroom on his own. He was eleven years old gosh darn it!

"No…I can make it." Alan let the urge pass before he crawled over to the edge of the bed. The moment he stood up though, the urge was renewed and Alan doubled over as he pressed his hand to his bladder again. Alan tried to take a step but found it made him feel like he'd wet himself. "Okay, I can't make it…a little help please!"

John noticed Alan crossing his legs and being a good big brother he picked Alan up, one arm under Alan's knees the other supporting Alan's back and carried his little brother into the bathroom before situating him in front of the toilet before slipping out to give Alan the privacy he required. John leaned against the wall waiting for Alan to exit the bathroom and his thoughts turned to what Alan would have done if he'd been with any of his other brothers.

Would he have trusted one of his brothers to get him to the bathroom or would he have refused their help and risked having an accident so as to not be touched. John just didn't know. Turning his head, John heard the tell-tale sign that Alan was done when he heard the toilet flush. When the bathroom door opened, Alan looked abashed as he thanked John for helping him in his time of need.

"No trouble bud." John gently squeezed Alan's shoulder as he turned to leave. "We might want to go ahead and get dressed, before dad or the guys come to wake us up."

"Yeah, okay." Alan took a step and he winced at the twinge in his ankle but he refused to acknowledge it. He didn't want people hovering over him, it made him feel claustrophobic.

"You good bud?" John noticed the wince but he didn't want to crowd Alan, he'd let Alan have some independence and make decisions for himself.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Alan put on a false smile in order to reassure John that he was okay and when John nodded as he exited Alan's room – Alan couldn't help but to hiss as he tried to put pressure on his bad foot. Glancing down at his ankle, Alan bit his lip as he noticed his ankle was more swollen this morning. Sucking in a deep breath, Alan took a step forward and even he was able to hear his uneven gait as his good foot made a loud '_thump_' sound with his step. When he managed to limp over to his dresser, Alan fished out some cargo shorts and a simple red and blue striped t-shirt. Quickly dressing, Alan heaved a sigh as he retrieved his crutches that he kept in his room. Getting a good grip on them, Alan swung his body forward before he made his way out of his bedroom.

… … … … … … …

Jeff looked up from where he stood at the kitchen counter refilling his cup of coffee when he heard the '_click-click_' of Alan's crutches meeting the flooring. His eyes were immediately drawn to Alan's right ankle and he'd winced at the sight of his son's ankle. It was swollen, noticeably. If Jeff had to compare Alan's ankle with anything, he'd compare it to a grapefruit. It was swollen on both sides and the swelling traveled into the top of Alan's foot, making the boy's toes look like mini sausages.

"Good morning Alan." Jeff said softly as he noticed all of Alan's attention was focused on walking while using his crutches.

"Morning sir." Alan replied softly, for he was too afraid to meet his father's eyes for fear of seeing him looking angered.

"How did you sleep son?" Jeff knew Alan only slept good when John was close by, that was why today he planned on having Alan put his feet up while he and his other sons rearranged Alan's bedroom to accommodate John's bed and dresser. It would help both brothers as John would be close by to ensure that Alan could sleep comfortably and Alan would be close enough that John would know if anything was wrong with Alan.

"I slept okay sir. Thanks for asking." Alan didn't feel completely comfortable being alone with Jeff quite yet. He began inching towards the door that would lead him towards the living room, but Jeff saved him the trouble.

"Well, I'm going to be in my office for a while Alan…why don't you go see if there is anything on TV?" Jeff was hoping Alan would find something interesting to watch so that everyone could rearrange Alan and John's bedroom.

"Okay." Alan took the bait hook line and sinker before he trudged out of the kitchen and into the living room. Flopping down onto the couch, Alan picked up the remote before flipping channels.

"There you are…I was beginning to wonder if the closet gnomes spirited you away or something." John entered the living room with a grin, that and a plate of toast balanced on a glass of orange juice. "I got you some breakfast Al."

"Thanks." Alan accepted the toast and orange juice from his brother before chowing down. He greatly appreciated that John thought to put the raspberry jam on the toast rather than to leave it bare.

"No problem." John looked down at Alan's ankle once more before deciding on what he was going to do. "Let's prop that foot up to see if we can get the swelling down a little."

John grabbed a couple of throw pillows out of the loveseat and brought them over to the couch where Alan was sat. Grabbing Alan's leg gently, John lifted Alan's leg before propping Alan's ankle up on the padded mound. "Let me go fetch you an icepack and I'll be right back."

Alan was about to protest, but John was gone before Alan could say Bob's your uncle and he was left alone for several minutes. When John returned, he held a small towel and he walked up before draping the towel on Alan's propped up ankle. "There you go, and try not to bring your foot down from its propped position. Only get up if you need to, like if you get hungry or need to use the restroom. Otherwise, keep that bad ankle propped up. Okay?"

"'Kay…thanks John." Alan smiled at his brother before settling in to watch TV. He'd found something that he was finding interesting.

"No problem little buddy." John fondly ran his fingers through Alan's hair before turning to leave. "Holler if you need anything okay Alan?"

"Okay." Alan shuffled down into his spot on the couch and he sighed. Today was going to be boring, it'd be just like when he was still in the hospital or had just returned to the Wood's home…he'd be watched like a hawk.

John left the living room and he poked his head around the living room corner. Studying Alan slightly, John noticed as a frown fell into place on Alan's face. John wondered what the frown was for when earlier Alan had been smiling at him. Listening to the television, John found that he didn't really like hearing what Alan was watching. Hanging back around the corner, John listened to what was being said on the tele.

"_It's your fault you know. You brought this on yourself."_

_ "No, it's not true."_

_ A sniffle and shaking breath was heard before a chair creaked as the weight is redistributed._

_ "I don't lie." The voice becomes a little more than a whisper. "You are the sole reason for your being abused. You had the ability to stop it, so why didn't you? Tell me, did you like it?"_

_ "No, I hated every…every damn minute of every damn day. I wanted to die!"_

_ "So why didn't you? Why didn't you just lie down and die like the dog you are?"_

_ "Because! I thought he loved me! He said he would never hurt me, but he lied."_

_ "And whose fault is that? Sweetie, it's easy to say. Just say it…you brought this on yourself."_

_ "No…No that's not true!"_

_ "Isn't it? Who are you trying to kid? Me? Yourself? Because newsflash, you are the reason for being smacked around. You can make yourself out to be the victim, but believe me when I say, that this is entirely your fault!"_

_ "Stop it! Stop! Please, I swear – It isn't my fault!_

John bit his lip as he listened to the television program. It sounded to John like an episode of Law and Order, but John couldn't be sure. However, he had no choice but to allow Alan to continue watching what he was watching because he wasn't even supposed to be eavesdropping. He hadn't told Alan what he was doing, but his dad had gathered each of his sons and passed the word along that they'd be rearranging Alan's bedroom to accommodate John's bed and dresser. It seemed like the only viable option in order to ensure that Alan and John both started getting more sleep; they both were starting to exhibit signs that neither were getting adequate sleep. John was becoming short tempered with his brothers (except Alan) and Alan was becoming more sullen and withdrawn. Jeff wanted to get a handle on that and he hoped that with the bedroom rearrange that that would give John and Alan more sleep knowing that the other was in the same room.

Turning away from the living room, John hurried up the stairs of their home in order to go help empty his dresser so it wouldn't be so heavy. His dad and Scott were already working on breaking down his bed frame so that was good to go while Gordon and Virgil would help John transport his clothes from his original room to Alan's room.

_… … … … … … …_

Gordon plunked a large cardboard box down in the middle of Alan's bedroom and heaved a great sigh. He couldn't believe how careless he'd been the night prior. His dad had torn him a new one and told Gordon that. It wasn't fair in Gordon's eyes…he hadn't done anything wrong. Sure he'd run away, but he was mad and he felt hurt seeing Scott and Alan playing together with that damn soap-box car he'd built – Alan and Scott built, Scott mostly, but Alan helped some. Gordon paused as he thought over the feelings he felt. It couldn't possibly be jealousy…could it? Nah, it couldn't be; jealousy only occurred in relationships – didn't it?

Heaving another sigh, Gordon knelt down and opened the box that he'd been designated to bring over to Alan's bedroom. John asked him, kindly to unpack his books and put them up on the shelves that Scott and their dad installed earlier that morning after Alan and John had woken up. Reaching into the box, Gordon removed several spiral bound notebooks, hard and soft cover books and…a journal?

Glancing over the cover, Gordon flipped open the front cover to see if he could figure out whether it was one of John's habitual school journals and found that it was actually neither John's nor Virgil, Scott, or Gordon's. It belonged to Alan. How Gordon figured that out was a mystery even to himself, however if it wasn't for the disturbing picture in the front cover of a monstrous looking man with what appeared to be devil horns – he'd have thought it belonged originally to Virgil who liked to doodle in his free time. Staring closer at the man depicted in the picture, it slowly dawned on Gordon that the demonic man he was looking at – was Alan's perspective of how he viewed Ray – his illegally adopted father and abuser.

Slamming the front cover of the book shut, Gordon tossed the book on John's bed as if he'd been burned simply by holding it. The journal, it belonged to Alan and the worst thing was…he actually thought he recognized the man drawn in the image! Pausing to think, Gordon felt light headed when it occurred to him just where he'd seen the man before. He was the owner of the game arcade that Gordon and his friends frequented after school. Feeling sick, Gordon staggered from the room and into the hall. Covering his mouth, Gordon bit back sobs. The man, Ray…he…he'd taken a particularly keen interest in Alan the few times that Gordon had taken Alan with him to the arcade. He'd been incredibly sympathetic to Gordon the few times that he'd gone to the arcade after Alan's kidnapping to drown his sorrows in hours of dulling mind games. He'd given Gordon a hug when he'd broken down crying in the arcade after seeing a little blonde boy whom he thought was Alan beg his older brother to let him play Pac-man. Just like Alan usually did. Pac-man was Alan's favorite game at the arcade and each time the brothers would go there, Alan would spend hours just standing next to the Pac-man gaming console watching others play it.

Forgoing unpacking his elder brother's belongings in Alan's bedroom, Gordon loped down towards the living room to visit his little brother.


	9. Marco! Polo!

Gordon came to a halt just outside the doorway to the living room. Taking a composing breath, Gordon shook off the nervous jitters before entering the living room. Gazing toward Alan, Gordon noticed Alan flipping the channels aimlessly. Backing up back into the hall, Gordon began whistling so as to announce his presence, without giving Alan a heart attack. Entering barely ten seconds later, Gordon strolled through the living room pretending not to notice Alan as he observed Alan freeze like a deer in the headlights.

Claiming the seat to the left of the couch where Alan was sprawled with his foot propped up on the pillows, Gordon grimaced as he noticed the sizable difference in Alan's ankle. It was noticeably swollen and slightly bruised. Instantly feeling bad, Gordon looked at the TV not wanting to make Alan uncomfortable with his surveying gaze.

"Anything good on?" Gordon reclined back into his seat as he watched Alan shuffle to the right, trying to get a few more feet between the two of them.

"Not really." Alan wouldn't look Gordon in the eye, he studied the thread pattern of the couch and not for the first time wondered why it was such a hideous orange color.

"Feel like playing video games with me?" Gordon ventured, hoping to offer some sort of peace offering.

"Um…" Alan looked around as though he were looking for an exit.

"We could play Mega Man if you want. Or um…Tomba." Gordon suggested games that couldn't possibly bother Alan as there was no yelling unless you counted the 8 bit games making unusual grunting noise as characters were killed.

"Sure, I guess." Alan agreed, but didn't meet Gordon's gaze. He accepted the video game controller from Gordon when his brother placed it in his lap, but otherwise showed no further reaction. Several minutes passed before Alan spoke up. "Are you mad at me?"

Gordon was stunned by Alan's question, so stunned in fact that his hands stilled on the buttons mid attack and Gordon's character was obliterated by the enemy. Looking at Alan, he shook his head.

"No, I'm not mad." Gordon noticed Alan glimpse up at him before he set his controller to the side. "What gave you the idea that I was mad?"

"You ran away yesterday…I'm sorry Gordon. I didn't mean to upset you!" Alan pleaded practically for Gordon's forgiveness, but again Gordon shook his head.

"Why are you apologizing? It should be me apologizing to you. I was a jerk for running away yesterday...I wasn't mad." Gordon paused to scratch the back of his head before continuing on. "I was a little hurt to see that car again after so many years, but mostly…I guess I was just – jealous."

"Why were you jealous?" Alan inquired, he was truly curious.

"Because, I haven't been able to hang out with Scott much like I saw you two doing yesterday. With International Rescue, it keeps everybody busy. I'm away at school with Virgil, but even though we both attend the same school, we hardly see each other." Gordon set his game controller down. "Seeing you and Scott together…it hurt, I won't lie. Scott never actually wanted to just hang out with me not like he was doing with you."

Alan bit his lip before he spoke up.

"If…if you wanted someone to hang out with, I guess I don't mind the company." Alan refused to meet Gordon's gaze. "I'll hang out with you."

"I'd appreciate that, but only if…" Gordon paused. He almost let slip that he knew Alan's secret about being abused and he didn't want to lose what little trust his dad and brothers had in him after last night's stunt. Quickly changing what he was going to say, Gordon tossed in his replacement wording. "You agree to go swimming with me."

"Swimming?" Alan looked at Gordon like he'd grown two heads. "I…I can't swim."

Gordon inclined his head, he could have sworn he'd heard John and Alan discuss going swimming. Shrugging his shoulders, Gordon tried to persuade Alan to reconsider.

"Please? It's no fun swimming by myself, heck I'll even teach you to swim." Gordon pleaded with Alan to join him, if only to spend time with his little brother and reacquaint himself with him.

Alan chewed on his lip before resigning himself to life's curveball. The rest of his family would probably find out sooner or later. Nodding morosely, Alan started to get up.

"Where are your crutches?" Gordon looked around for them, but didn't see them lying around.

"They're over here, propped on the other side of the couch." Alan reached back and grabbed his crutches. "Let me go get changed and I'll go with you."

Gordon realized that Alan would discover his surprise roommate addition if he continued on to his bedroom, Gordon stopped him short.

"Go to my room, I've got some swim trunks I can loan you…you said you couldn't swim right?" Gordon used Alan's white lie to his advantage. Why would Alan have swim trunks if he couldn't swim?"

"Um…" Alan seemed uncomfortable not only with entering Gordon's room, but borrowing his clothes. Taking a breath though, Alan pushed on ahead. He didn't want anyone else to know what happened during his time in foster care…though little did he know that everyone already knew and they hadn't thought any different of him.

"It's not like you're taking my only pair of swim trunks Al. I've got dozens, it won't hurt you to borrow a pair of mine for a while." Gordon stood up to shut off the gaming console before leading Alan up a different flight of stairs which led directly to his bedroom rather than take the main hallway which went past Alan and John's bedrooms.

When they got to Gordon's bedroom, it didn't surprise Gordon that Alan was staying several feet away, or remained within running distance of the door. He however ignored the fact that Alan had grown more than a little skittish of him and focused on finding a pair of swim trunks that would work for Alan considering he was still so short.

Gordon smiled as he found a pair of swim trunks which typically went a little above the knee, at least since Gordon's last growth spurt and he'd turned to give the shorts to Alan. "Here you go, you can change in my bathroom over there." Gordon pointed to his bathroom before returning his attention to digging out some swim trunks for himself. When Alan closed the door and Gordon heard the lock click, he hurriedly stripped out of his jeans and into his swim trunks. He left his shirt on for the time being, not wanting to make Alan want to run screaming in the opposite direction.

When Alan came out, he was looking miserable and holding the shorts up by the waistband.

"What's wrong?" Gordon noticed Alan blush before looking down.

"They're too big." Alan looked ashamed as he readjusted the waistband once more.

"They have drawstrings to tighten them up Allie." Gordon informed.

"I can't untie them, they're tied too tight." Alan refused to meet Gordon's gaze but he'd gasped and took a step back when suddenly Gordon was kneeling in front of him.

"Do you mind?" Gordon gestured to the drawstring which looked to be in triple or quadruple knots. Alan looked a little hesitant, but he nodded his permission.

Gordon reached up when Alan gave his permission and grabbed the drawstrings, tugging on them slightly, unintentionally bringing Alan close enough that Gordon could hear Alan's stomach growling slightly. He focused on untying the drawstrings and after a few minutes Gordon had all the knots undone and was in the process of pulling the drawstrings on the shorts to tighten them.

"Let me know if that gets too tight Al." Gordon tugged on the drawstring before deeming it to be secure enough that the shorts wouldn't fall off Alan. Quickly tying it into a bow, Gordon stood up and ruffled Alan's hair affectionately. "You're good to go kid, let's go and I'll teach you how to swim."

_… … … … … … …_

John heaved a sigh as he wiped the sheen of sweat that had built up on his forehead away. They were finally finished, two hours it took them to rearrange Alan's bedroom and set up John's bed; make the room livable for both occupants. However, John had no idea where Gordon got off to. He'd vanished into thin air and everyone grumbled over his abandoning their little project.

Heading into the living room where he'd left Alan, John came to a screeching halt when he noticed neither the TV was on nor was Alan on the couch where he'd been left to keep his foot propped up. Looking around in alarm, John searched for his baby brother. He opened his mouth to call for Alan when he heard splashing and laughter. Hurrying into the kitchen, John looked out the window and watched as Alan splashed Gordon before diving beneath the surface to evade Gordon who seemed to be playing the role of a sea monster; or Jaws if the nerdy shark underwater goggles were anything to go by.

John ventured out onto the deck and just stood there as he watched Gordon and Alan play in the water. A smile brightened his features as he watched Alan – playing care freely like the kid he should be. Removing his sandals, John sat on the edge of the pool and dipped his feet into the pool. The cold water felt marvelous. Holding his hand up to ward of the splashes of water, John allowed himself to smile with ease.

This was what he wanted to see, Alan being a kid and enjoying the ability to spend time with one of their brothers. It made John's heart soar knowing that Alan was back with them again. True things would never be the same again, but John could care less. They had Alan back that's all that mattered. Even if it took a decade for Alan to be comfortable with them again, they had him back after six years which felt like thousands of years.

A backsplash of water drenched John where he sat when Gordon had lunged up out of the water in attempt to grab Alan and failed miserably. John wiped the water from his eyes and looked up when he heard laughter. Alan had turned away along the far wall, and his shoulders shook with laughter. Gordon who was by him was whispering to Alan, making the boy cackle all the more.

"What are you two whispering about?" John called from the other side of the pool.

"Oh nothing, I was just telling Alan how you looked like a humanoid version of a drowned rat is all." Gordon smirked as Alan gave a loud snort of laughter, before he wrapped his arms around his stomach. Tears streamed down Alan's face as he continued to laugh. He couldn't help it.

"I'll show you drowned rat!" John stood up before he removed his t-shirt and jumped into the pool, paddling quickly for Gordon. Gordon gave an undignified scream before ducking beneath the water. Alan darted away from John, laughing but not wanting to get caught at all. They were soon joined by two additional splashes as Virgil and Scott joined them in the pool, Jeff leaned in the doorway, holding a glass of iced tea as refreshment.

Alan swam away, but soon screamed and grappled for something to hold onto when he found himself lifted onto a pair of shoulders. Looking down, Alan found himself sitting on John's shoulders, John grinned up at him. A beach ball seemingly floated down from the deck and Alan and John simultaneously gazed up with a smile as they watched their dad wave at them from the deck. John grabbed the ball and handed it up to Alan who punted it with his fist at Scott's head.

The ball bounced off of the back of Scott's head and he turned to look at what hit him in the back of the head. Grinning, Scott rallied the troops and the brothers started a game of Marco Polo…John having lowered Alan from his shoulders to participate from the game since Virgil was '_Marco_' while Scott, John, Gordon and Alan were '_Polo_'.

Closing his eyes, Virgil hollered out the call of the game.

"Marco!"

"Polo!" Scott, John, Gordon and Alan echoed. The game played on for several rounds as different brothers were called out as Marco. Alan thankfully was small enough to evade his other brothers when they wound up playing the role of Marco.

"Marco!" John called out.

"Polo!" The brothers echoed. Alan darted around John in attempt to evade his older brother, but John felt Alan's movement in the water when the waves lapped against his chest and he turned quickly.

"Come're!" John yelled with a growl as he lunged out and grabbed onto Alan's arm unknowingly tightening his grip. Alan's eyes widened more than a fraction.

'_Come're you little…!" Mr. Newton growled as he reached beneath the table and grabbed Alan around the upper arm before dragging him from his hiding place. "You are going to stay with Kenneth whether you like it or not!"_

"_No! Please no!" Alan clawed at the floor hoping to find some purchase._

"_He is your baby sitter! You are going to stay with Kenneth so help me God!" Mr. Newton's face brightened as if he were going to blow a gasket._

"_Don't worry dad, I can get him to calm down. Just leave it to me." Kenneth stepped forward, opening his arms to take the struggling eight year old in his arms. "You and mom go have fun, I can take care of the munchkin."_

"_Are you sure Kenneth? He always seems to be such trouble." Deborah Newton mentioned as she tried to brush her finger down Alan's cheek but jerked back when he tried to bite her._

"_You don't bite!" Mr. Newton backhanded Alan before wagging his finger in the boy's face. "That won't earn you a plate of dinner young man! You can go to bed without dinner tonight! Do you understand me?!"_

_Alan stayed quiet. Mr. Newton grabbed Alan round the collar of his t-shirt before giving him a rough shake._

"_I said do you understand me?!" Alan bit his lip before nodding solemnly. "I can't hear you! Do you need to miss breakfast tomorrow morning also?!"_

"_Yes, I understand you…sir." Alan replied softly._

"_Good." Mr. Newton looked to Kenneth. "You have my permission to spank him if he gets out of line."_

"_Yes dad." Kenneth replied before he tightened his grip on the back of Alan's neck. "Alan will be a good boy and will be in bed by the time you and mom return from dinner and the movies."_

"_Have a good night baby." Deborah stepped forward and gave Kenneth a kiss on the cheek._

"_I will. Night mom…dad." Kenneth responded as he smiled at his mom and dad._

"_Night son." Mr. Newton and Deborah responded before they closed the front door leaving Alan with Kenneth._

_… … … … … … …_

_Alan lay curled up beneath his blankets, whimpering and biting his lip as he tried not to cry. This was one of the worst possible nights of his life and he wished not for the first time that he could die. Rubbing his arms up and down with hands that felt like ice, Alan tried not to recall the feeling of Kenneth's hands tightening their grip on his arms. He was too scared to go to sleep, afraid of what Kenneth might do to him if he should fall asleep._

_The following morning found Alan to be listless as he usually was following the night of being left with Kenneth while Mr. and Mrs. Newton went on one of their regular Friday date nights. Sitting at the table, Alan fisted his jeans as he tried not to visibly shake in front of Mr. and Mrs. Newton. _

"_Eat your breakfast darling." Deborah said as she took a sip from her coffee mug._

"_Can I be excused? I'm not feeling good." Alan felt like he wanted to cry as he gazed at his fruit loop cereal once more wishing he could just die._

"_Sure, but try to feel better soon…your social worker will be by later to do a house check." Deborah said as she stood up to take Alan's untouched bowl of cereal before emptying it down the garbage disposal. "Go on and lie down."_

_Alan nodded at his foster mother's order and he sluggishly stood up before making his way up to his bedroom._

_… … … … … … …_

"_He's covered in bruises. I'm afraid I'm going to need to take him and his belongings with me." Mr. Avery said as he stood by Alan's bed. The boy hadn't stirred at all from his slumber and his shirt had snuck up to reveal a throng of bruises mottling Alan's flesh. "I can't let this slide. This is the last straw. The first time I could turn a blind eye, the second time I could let slide…but a third and fourth time that I've come to inspect Alan's residence and three and four times I discover Alan covered in bruises? This can't continue. I'm afraid I'm taking him and his belongings with me."_

_Alan stirred as he heard his backpack be placed on his bed, and he tried not to let show that he'd awakened as his social worker filled his backpack with his meager belongings._

"_You can expect that you will no longer be permitted to be foster parents, I hope you know that." Mr. Avery slung Alan's backpack over his shoulder before hauling the eight year old into his arms. _

"_This is a mistake! My husband and I never laid hands on him!" Deborah yelled._

"_It doesn't matter! Somebody in this house is abusing Alan and I can stand it no longer! Good bye Mrs. Newton!" Mr. Avery stormed from the house with Alan in tow.'_


	10. Pool Party Fall Out

"Let me go! Lemme go!" Alan screamed as he tugged against John's hold. "Don't hurt me please! I promise I'll be good!"

John's face went white as his grip suddenly loosened. Pulling away, John swam away from Alan, before hauling himself out of the water and running off into the house. Virgil who was closer to Alan than any of the other brothers wrapped his arms around Alan's shoulder before pulling him into his chest.

"Let's go for a walk kiddo." Virgil pulled Alan through the water, before lifting him into a piggyback as he walked across the pavement headed down towards the beach. Alan remained quiet as Virgil walked with Alan clinging to his back. When he reached the beach, Virgil sat on the sand, easing his little brother to sit in the sand before moving over slightly to give Alan his space.

"…I'm sorry." Alan mumbled as he kept his gaze directed at the ocean in front of him. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry!"

"Hey, hey…ssh…hey kiddo. Hey, nothing is your fault okay?" Virgil whispered as he turned to gently grip Alan's chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You did nothing wrong alright kiddo?"

Alan just remained quiet.

"I know you didn't mean to scream at John, but it's okay. You did nothing wrong." Virgil redirected his gaze to the sand as he focused on burying his feet beneath the sand.

"I didn't mean to." Alan whispered brokenly.

"I know that and Johnny knows that too. It's okay." Virgil tried to soothe.

"But it's not okay! Sir told me I was better…" Alan wiped at his stinging eyes with the heels of his hands.

"Ssh Alan…it's okay." Virgil continued to soothe before draping his arms around Alan's shoulder and pulling the boy flush with his side. "We'll get through this baby."

"I'm sorry…" Alan sniffled as he raised one of his arms to rub across his eyes. "I'm sorry…"

"Ssh…you're okay. It's going to be okay." Virgil hugged Alan as the boy cried miserably.

_… … … … … … …_

John sat on the family keepsake trunk in the basement of the island house. He had his legs crossed; his arms locked at the elbows, shoulders hunched and head hanging. He looked to be the true picture of misery when Scott and Jeff found him.

"I can't believe I did that." John said almost with his voice almost detached.

"John it's okay." Scott knelt before John, placing his hand on his younger brother's knee.

"But it's not okay!" John replied, unknowingly echoing Alan's previous bemoaning statement.

"John, you didn't do it on purpose. You were playing a game, how were you supposed to know it'd be Alan you grabbed?" Jeff sat beside John on the family keepsake trunk. "Even I didn't know Alan would react that badly, and I'm his father…I should have known how he'd react to being grabbed like that."

"But dad, I shouldn't have done what I did. I should have just reached out to tap his arm, not grab him by the arm so roughly." John reached up with the heel of his hand and scrubbed at his burning eyes. "He's going to be terrified of me now dad. We should have just left his room alone so he could stay away from me."

"Jonathan Glenn Tracy, you listen now and you listen to me good…you didn't do this on purpose. You were playing a game, one that involves quick movements and sometimes harried touches…but you young man did not set out to upset your brother!" Jeff squeezed John's neck in assurance. "Just give him some time and space and he'll come around."

Pulling John into him, Jeff comforted John to the best of his paternal abilities. Scott sat on John's other side and he wrapped an arm around John's shoulders, trying to comfort his little brother and let him know he was neither mad at or upset with John in any way, shape or form.

_… … … … … … …_

Virgil lay on the sand, Alan's head on his chest as he ran his fingers through Alan's maize colored hair. Joined by Gordon, the three brothers lay in silence for several minutes.

"He used to hurt me…" Alan whispered.

"Who?" Gordon lay with his folded arms beneath his head as he looked up at the clouds which floated lazily by.

"Kenneth…my…foster brother." Alan admitted. "He…"

"It's okay kiddo, you don't need to tell us." Virgil halted Alan's words, not really wanting to hear what this Kenneth person had done to him in addition to what the boy put up with in Ray's presence.

"Mr. and Mrs. Newton used to take off every Friday night…Kenneth was my babysitter." Alan continued as if he hadn't been told not to speak of the unspeakable. "I hated Friday night, because that was when I was never safe."

Gordon inclined his head to look at Alan the same time Virgil did. They shared a meaningful look over the top of Alan's head before focusing on their baby brother.

"What happened bucko?" Gordon urged gently.

"Kenneth used to do what he called pillow parties…" Alan spoke with a quavering voice. "I'd always beg him not to, because it hurt…but he still did them anyway."

"What's a pillow party?" Gordon asked with uncertainty.

"You make a human pillow and beat the snot out of them." Virgil offered. "Usually by covering the person in pillows, or pillow cases and hit them with whatever you have for a weapon…shoes, baseball bats, your feet, fists…anything that will cause pain."

"Kenneth used to make me sit in a pillow case…one that went over my head and tie it so I couldn't get out. Then he'd hit me…usually until I quit fighting back." Alan clung to Virgil's shirt as he squeezed his eyes closed.

"Why?" Virgil felt anger well up in his chest.

"'Cause he didn't get in trouble." Alan replied, softly.

"Your foster mom and dad never stopped him?!" Gordon was appalled.

"No, if I told on Kenneth, they'd ask him if I was telling the truth and they'd believe him over me…then they wouldn't give me dinner or lunch or sometimes wouldn't let me eat until the next day." Alan supplied.

Gordon looked at Virgil and their eyes met. They couldn't help but believe all of what Alan was saying. They'd seen the pictures their dad and John showed them and they saw the bruises. Including the black eye where Alan's eyeball was bloodshot from a hit which according to Alan's social worker prior to Ms. Alexander had been inflicted with a knee to the face.

"Did Kenneth ever do anything else besides pillow parties?" Virgil enquired, aware that he was crossing a fine line.

"He used to make me…play dress up." Alan replied softly.

"Dress up?" Gordon cocked his head in confusion.

"Yeah…in frilly dresses. He liked to make me wear girl's clothes." Alan refused eye contact in shame of what he was telling two of his brothers.

"Girl's clothes?" Virgil asked softly in response to Alan's admission.

"Mm-hmm. He made me put on skirts, dresses, pants…he would even do my hair up in pigtails." Alan bit his lip. "He was always talking to people on the computer too."

"What do you mean?" Virgil felt his heart clench, surely Alan couldn't mean…

"They'd tell him what to make me dress up as, and he'd make me change before coming back in front of him and the computer." Alan poked his bottom lip out. "It was embarrassing."

"I'm sure it was kiddo." Gordon replied. "How long?"

"Until the last night before I left. One of Kenneth's friends wanted to see me in a girl's bathing suit but I wouldn't wear it." Alan buried his face in Virgil's shirt. "I made Kenneth mad and he made me play a round of a pillow party."

Virgil gave an involuntary shiver…Alan was being broadcast out to freaks…ones that liked seeing…_'No, no! That's just wrong!'_

"Did I do the right thing?" Alan inquired, shaky voice and all.

"Yes Alan…you were right to refuse to play dress up. Kenneth shouldn't have forced you to do something you didn't want to do." Gordon understood enough to know that what Alan endured was sick and depraved and he shouldn't have been subjected to that.

"Did it ever go any farther?" Virgil wanted to know so he could let their dad know.

"No, not really. Kenneth liked to smooth out the clothing, but I never had to deal with that much…I managed to make sure there weren't any wrinkles." Alan replied.

_… … … … … … …_

John sat with his head in his hands as he remained in the basement. He couldn't believe he'd practically scared the living daylights out of Alan. Drying his eyes, John stood up before going up the stairs to go out to the beach. Anything was better than beating himself up over what he'd done.

_… … … … … … …_

John walked along the beach quietly and kept to himself. He heard talking and was just about to turn and head back up to the villa but he froze when he heard Alan speaking.

"No, not really. Kenneth liked to smooth out the clothing, but I never had to deal with that much…I managed to make sure there weren't any wrinkles." Alan said.

"Is that all he ever did, smoothing out the clothes?" Gordon asked.

"Kind of…he always smiled and told me I was a good boy. Sometimes, even if I got in trouble with Mr. and Mrs. Newton and was punished by going without food, if I did all that Kenneth asked me to do…he'd get me a plate of dinner and he'd tell his parents he'd still been hungry if they asked about it the next morning." Alan's voice was barely heard, but John leaned against the rock which he'd stood behind as he listened to what Alan had to deal with.

'_No wonder he was so scared when I grabbed his arm.'_ John thought to himself as he remained in his hiding spot.

"My case worker took me away from them…I don't really remember leaving. I just remember waking up on the couch in my caseworker's office." Alan turned his face to hide more in the fabric of Virgil's t-shirt. "I was put in a home for orphans after that."

"An orphanage?" Gordon asked incredulously. "Why weren't you placed with another family?"

"Because I hit…I didn't want to be placed with another family. So me and several other kids were put in a home for orphans." Alan admitted softly. "They tried to place me with other families as I grew older, but it never worked out. They were always mean, or hurt me and the others – one place kept eight of us in a two room cabin."

"What happened to that place?" Virgil asked softly.

"I was taken to the hospital with pneumonia I think – then Ms. Alexander became my case worker." Alan admitted, shame dripping from his words.

"What happened after that?" Gordon inquired.

"Ms. Alexander kept me with her for a while – until I was well. I was placed with another family; they only had me for a month before I went back to the home for orphans. I was placed with Pastor Woods not long after." Alan's eyes welled with tears. Pastor Woods and his family treated Alan like family, Pastor Woods remained patient with Alan – treating him like a growing boy and taking the time to sit down and get to know him. "I miss them."

"Maybe dad will let you go visit them before school starts." Virgil tried to remain upbeat even as he felt his heart breaking. Alan missed a family that wasn't his by blood more than he felt comfortable with his dad and brothers who were related by blood.

"I don't think so." Alan pushed away from Virgil and stood on shaky limbs before limping away from Virgil and Gordon to go be by himself. Virgil and Gordon shared another look as they sat up, watching Alan limp away.

"Virgil…what can we do to cheer Alan up?" Gordon pouted as he watched his little brother limp away.

"I don't know, but there's got to be something." Virgil sighed as an idea occurred to him. They could possibly cheer Alan up, but doing so might just mean further heartbreak. For them as a family. "Maybe we shouldn't have taken Alan from the Woods."

"Yeah, but I wonder if he was like this even when he lived with them." Gordon glanced over his shoulder as he heard shuffling behind him. "John?"

"It's me." John met his brother's eyes before sitting down beside two of his younger brothers.

"How much of that did you hear?" Gordon asked questioningly.

"I heard from the point of Kenneth forcing Alan to play dress up." John let his hands dangle between his knees. "I didn't mean to terrify Alan the way I did."

"We know that…and Alan knows that too. It's just going to take him a short while to get over the mishap. I'm assuming everything life has thrown at him so far hasn't made adjusting to life back with us very easy." Virgil reasoned.

"John…where did you get that sketchbook?" Gordon decided to reveal what he believed.

"Which sketchbook?" John didn't know exactly which one Gordon was talking about as Pastor Woods had given him several of Alan's sketchbooks that he'd discarded.

"The one with the guy with devil horns emerging from his head." Gordon played with the sand as if it was something fascinating.

"You saw that one did you?" John bit his lip. "Please don't tell Alan you saw that one. That was from one of his therapy sessions with a child psychologist just after having been placed with The Woods family."

Virgil looked between his brothers in a confused fashion. "What?"

"Alan was placed for a short while with a child psychologist just after having been placed with the Woods family to act as his guardians. The psychologist encouraged him to draw the object of his nightmares, the ones that typically send him into a panic attack." John explained.

"I saw one of the first pictures…I think I recognized the guy." Gordon admitted.

"Who?" John's head snapped up to meet Gordon's eye.

"I believe the drawing was of Ray…the guy with the devil horns." Gordon gestured with his index fingers at the top of his head to symbolize horns.

"Where do you think you've seen him?" John needed to know, had to know – hopefully he wasn't out of prison, not after having abused Alan, Devon and murdering his wife.

"He was the guy who worked at the arcade I used to go to in Manhattan; I took Alan with me there whenever dad told me to take Alan along." Gordon felt the sick feeling return. "He always…always gave Alan a free soda or candy bar – extra tokens to play some of the games that he could play at his height. Never let me pay for anything he gave Alan, but he never let me get something for free like he did with Alan."

"Did he act any different after Alan was kidnapped?" Virgil asked, shock making his voice quiver.

"He gave me a hug and would ask me if we'd found him yet whenever I went there after Alan was taken." Gordon frowned before feeling like he wanted to punch something. "At one point he even told me that wherever Alan was – he was most likely safe and sound. The bastard, he was harboring Alan and knew he was my little brother!" Gordon couldn't stop the tears that had welled into his eyes and he just let them fall.

Gordon leaned into Virgil arms when the teen wrapped him in a hug.

"Why? If he had Alan, why didn't he give him back to us?" Gordon choked out as he tried to dry his eyes in the collar of his t-shirt. "I just don't understand!"

"It's something we may never understand Gordo." John chewed on his lip.

_… … … … … … …_

Alan limped along the beach, heading down to one of the lagoons. He still couldn't believe he'd gotten so upset and had yelled at John the way he had. He knew it was John who'd grabbed him – yet he still couldn't stop himself from experiencing a panic attack.

"I thought I had gotten better. Pastor Woods and my doctor said I was." Alan found a rock to sit on and he sat with his back facing the villa as he pulled his knees to his chest. Biting his lip, Alan tried not to cry. Sniffing back his tears, Alan roughly scrubbed his sleeve across his eyes. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you Allie." Alan whirled around at the sound of John's voice and his bottom lip poked out as he fought the want to cry. He felt so sorry for upsetting John the way he had and he wanted nothing more than to apologize. John squatted down and held his arms open for Alan "Come here Allie."

Swallowing a sob, Alan hurriedly scrambled to his older brother and wrapped him into a tight rib breaking hug.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Johnny!" Alan sobbed as he squeezed the life out of John.

"Ssh, I know you're sorry Allie. I'm not mad at you." John shushed as he cradled his baby brother in his arms. "Do you forgive me?"

"Why, you didn't do anything?" Alan buried his face into John's shoulder.

"I did Allie, I scared you. I didn't mean to." John hugged Alan tightly.

"What's wrong with me Johnny?" Alan pulled away from John's shoulder enough to meet his brother's gaze.

"Nothing's wrong with you Allie, absolutely nothing." John pulled Alan back into a hug as he sat on the sand and in doing so he pulled Alan onto his lap. Humming the lullaby he recalled his mother singing to him and their brothers – John managed to calm Alan's tears. Alan rested his head on John's shoulder and together the two of them sat and watched the surf. "Hey Allie?"

"Yeah?" Alan asked without moving his head from John's shoulder.

"How would you feel about going to go stay for a week with the Woods family?" John broached the subject that their dad brought up to him and Scott just after the fall out of the pool incident.

"Why? You guys aren't going to get rid of me are you?" Alan looked at John with tears beginning to mist his eyes again.

"No! No…Allie no. We'll all be going to spend a week with the Woods family. All of us. Dad is thinking that since we still aren't really receiving calls but periodically – then we can afford to take a week off to just spend time together and try to be a family." John tightened his grip on Alan, fearing the boy might disappear should he relinquish his hold. "I just recall you saying that you missed Pastor Woods and the family and dad was thinking that we could all go visit for a week."

"I guess that'd be okay. Alan said as he picked up a handful on sand before allowing it to sift through his fingers. "When would we be leaving?"

"I've been told it'd be next week." John pulled Alan against him a little bit tighter.

"Can't it be tomorrow?" Alan asked as he made himself comfortable in John's arms. "I want to see them now."

"I know you do kiddo, but we can't go until next week." John smoothed Alan's hair back. "What do you say we head up for a late lunch huh kiddo? I'd imagine you're close to starving by now."

"Not really." Alan refused food, not really feeling hungry.

"Come on back with me though kiddo. I promise I'm not gonna hurt you." John tried to string his brother along back up to the house. He himself wasn't very hungry either but he knew the both of them had to eat even if it was a late lunch.

"Fine." Alan slowly agreed and he stood, favoring the foot that was still quite sore.

"How's your ankle Alan?" John asked, curious as to how his brother was feeling physically.

"It's okay." Alan said as he shuffled forward, limping noticeably.

"Do you want a piggy back kiddo?" John offered, hoping Alan would accept if only so that he didn't tire himself out.

"Nu-uh. Thanks but no John." Alan refused as he continued limping along, only accepting John's help when they started going up the stairs leading to the patio.

"Okay." John stayed close but not enough to smother Alan and he hoped Alan wouldn't be mad when he discovered his bedroom having been rearranged. When Alan and John entered the villa, it was to a totally silent home, achingly silent to be honest. Going to their father's office, John and Alan were shocked to see it in Command and Control mode and their dad was gone himself. "How did I not hear the klaxon?"

"I didn't hear it." Alan said as he wondered how they could have possibly missed the klaxon, it was a loud wailing siren – kind of hard to miss it, even when asleep.

"I know, I just can't figure out how we missed it." John said as he walked to his father's desk. He found a hurriedly scribbled note from his father. It read:

'_John, Alan_

_Didn't want to disturb you two while you were patching things up, went on a rescue to Australia, seems like a brush fire that got out of hand, should be back in a few hours._

_Virgil fixed you two sandwiches before we left and those are in the fridge, please eat and make sure you and Alan relax. I purposely used the silent alarm; don't beat yourselves up over not hearing the alarm. I intended you two to stick together to try to work things out._

_Love you both and we'll see you when we get home._

_Dad_

"Looks like it's just you and me kiddo." John said as he laid the note down. "What do you say to grabbing those sandwiches from the fridge and sitting down to watch a movie?"

"Sure." Alan shrugged before limping towards the kitchen.

"I'll grab the sandwiches if you'll get us a soda." John bargained, wanting his brother to not have to carry too much with his unstable gait.

"Okay." Alan replied as he grabbed him and John a couple of sodas and a bag of chips to munch on with their sandwiches. Heading into the living room, John and Alan both piled onto the couch and selected a movie they hoped would be good – it was family friendly for the most part, action filled…a little language but no sexual content or anything that would be making John cover Alan's ears anytime soon.

… … … … … … …

When Jeff, Scott, Gordon and Virgil returned from the rescue – they were surprised to find both John and Alan fast asleep on the couch. John's head was reclined back, his feet crossed at the ankles while propped on the coffee table while Alan was resting against John, using big brother's chest as a pillow and clutching to John's t-shirt as he slumbered on. Jeff couldn't resist and he grabbed a spare blanket from the hallway closet and draped it over Alan and John who continued to sleep. A quiet beep was heard as Scott snapped a pic of his two blonde brothers snoozing on the couch.

"Let's let them sleep, neither of them have been resting very well lately." Jeff stated knowingly. Alan and John's lack of sleep was the main reason for rearranging Alan's bedroom to accommodate John's things. Turning from the living room, Jeff shepherded his three sons from the room, giving Alan and John peace and quiet to get some rest.


	11. Patience Is A Virtue

Alan darted forward as best he could when disembarking the private jet as he ran to Pastor Wood's arms. Jeremiah and Jeffery both pulled the little boy from the pastor's arms and hugged him tightly. Jeff felt a knot form in his throat at the change in Alan's demeanor – he seemed so relieved to be reunited with the family he'd gotten separated from a month ago and that tore at Jeff. Why couldn't Alan show that same relief and excitement to seeing them more often rather than fear.

"Hey Bean!" Jeremiah grabbed Alan and gave him a noogie while Jeffery hugged the younger boy close. "How ya been?"

"Okay." Alan replied softly as he noticed his family approaching him and the Woods family.

It seemed almost like a daunting game of chess to Alan. Pastor Woods stood at the center of their group, Jeremiah and Jeffery acting like they were the king's guards as they held Alan close under their wings – almost protective of the young boy while Jeff stood at the center of his group flanked by his four boys – two on each side as they came to a stop before the Woods family.

"Hello Jeff, how was the flight?" Pastor Woods stepped forward to shake Jeff's hand and Jeff returned the hand shake mildly.

"It was good." Jeff replied with a tight smile.

"Alan's motion sickness was okay I trust…has it gotten any better?" Pastor Woods looked at the young boy fondly. Alan went back on the defense as he'd normally acted with his real family and he hid behind Jeremiah, not liking the attention being on him.

"It's getting there, he was sick just after take-off but once we leveled out his nausea abated." John said, not appreciating that Alan had hid behind Jeremiah and not him – what did Jeremiah have that John didn't?

"Well, what do you say we get going. Amanda has been working all morning to prepare all of Alan's favorites for lunch. She's very excited to see him again." Pastor Woods motioned for the Tracy's to follow him and his boys to the church van he'd brought to bring everyone back to his house. Jeremiah and Jeffery argued over who Alan would sit next to and the argument was settled when Alan squeezed between the two boys and fastened his seat belt.

John, sat in the back of the church van glaring at the back of Jeffery and Jeremiah's heads, unhappy that Alan was so readily excited and open with them as opposed to how he'd been acting up until recently with them. A soft nudge in his ribs made John look at Scott who shook his head wordlessly, diminishing John's irritation where it stood.

"So Alan, is there anything you wanted to do today since we're all gathered?" Pastor Woods asked as he engaged the vehicle to take off driving.

"Not really." Alan replied as he leaned into Jeffery's side – content to be back with the older boys he'd sort of befriended after being fostered by the Woods family.

"Well, Sally and Stacy will be happy to see you again. Sally's missed you." Pastor Woods referred to the toddler that had grown attached to Alan.

"How is Sally, is she walking yet?" Alan asked truly curious.

"Not yet Bean, she's stubbornly refusing to walk." Jeremiah said. Jeffery finished off his sentence.

"She crawls like crazy, but won't walk."

"Stacy walks with her everywhere, but when it comes to walking on her own she won't do it." Pastor Woods said as he stopped at a red light. "Sally will be very happy to see you."

Alan smiled at the thought of seeing Sally and Stacy again – he'd missed the two girls also, but he also missed Ms. Woods like crazy. She was the closest thing to an actual mother that he'd had during all his years in the foster system and Alan loved her very much. He'd actually become almost antsy at the thought of seeing them again.

Twenty minutes rolled by before the church van pulled into the church parking lot next door to Pastor Woods home and they all exited the vehicle. Walking as a group, they walked across the pavement of the parking lot towards the Pastors house. As they got closer, Alan seemed to speed up just that little bit.

"Hold on Bean, this isn't a marathon!" Jeremiah chortled as he sped up to catch Alan around the waist. John bristled at the close contact but he didn't say anything about Jeremiah touching his littlest brother.

"But..!" Alan reached for the door and Jeffery jumped in front of the kid's hand – blocking him from grasping the door knob and opening the door.

"No buts Bean…the house isn't going anywhere." Jeffery said just as the door opened up behind him – Ms. Woods flinging her arms out as Jeremiah released Alan. "Release the beast!"

"Boys." Pastor Woods chided as he and the entire Tracy family watched Alan practically sprint to the woman who was 'mom' to him.

"Alan! Welcome back!" Ms. Woods hugged Alan tightly when he ran into her arms.

"Mom! I missed you." Alan replied as he hugged Ms. Woods tightly around the waist.

Jeff swallowed at the lump as he heard his little boy call some other woman 'mom' and he blinked to ward off the oncoming tears. He felt hurt that Alan so readily called her mom when he would fearfully call Jeff dad. It broke his heart that everything was so screwed up and all because Alan had been kidnapped, purchased under the guise of adoption then taken from that family and placed in the foster system.

"How are you doing baby?" Jeff tuned back in when he heard Ms. Woods speak to Alan.

"I'm okay." Alan said as he continued to hug Ms. Woods.

"Just okay?" Ms. Woods bent down to smile at Alan, kissing his cheek in the process.

"Yeah." Alan replied softly.

"Well I know someone who can't wait to see you. Come on in." Ms. Woods stepped away from Alan, before taking his hand and leading him into the house.

"Ally!" Alan smiled and dropped onto one knee as he was greeted by his youngest and sweetest foster sister.

"I thought you couldn't walk?" Alan looked up at the gathered adults and teens with a look of shock.

"Those are her first steps." Ms. Woods said as she hugged Pastor Woods warmly, happy to see the little girl take her first steps. Sally seemed disheartened when Alan left that day and hadn't returned. The toddler constantly would go to where Alan would take her with him and she'd constantly call his name liked he'd just materialize out of thin air and pick her up. She loved her Ally.

"Were you waiting on me to walk?" Alan held Sally close, comforted that the little girl still adored him so much.

"Ally." Sally said as she placed one hand on Alan's cheek, happy to see her Ally once more.

"Yeah Sally?" Alan asked, his eyes shining with tears that Sally had missed him so much.

"Doll." Sally looked back at her baby doll and Alan couldn't help but groan. Of course Sally missed him, he was the only one who would play dolls with her.

"No, we're not playing dolls right now." Alan said before blowing a raspberry on Sally's cheek, making the little girl begin giggling.

"He's right Sally, we're eating lunch." Ms. Woods came over and put a hand on Alan's shoulder – making the boy look up at her. "I made your favorite Alan…"

"Sesame pecan chicken strips?" Alan asked with a smile.

"Of course, that and split pea soup – I know how much you like that." Ms. Woods smiled when Alan gave her a big hug.

Meanwhile Gordon made a face as he heard Alan's favorite foods…split pea soup had to be the absolute worst stuff on the planet and Gordon wasn't too big on chicken strips either…chicken nuggets or fried chicken was fine, but chicken strips? Ick. Scott nudged Gordon when he noticed his younger brother's warped face and felt it necessary to make Gordon quit making the face that he was making. Gordon glared at Scott but didn't say anything when he saw Scott mouth '_be good_' to him.

"Hey Runt!" Stacy came down the stairs when she heard the commotion and she like Ms. Woods flung her arms open and enveloped Alan in a tight squeeze. 'How're you doing?"

"I'm okay." Alan replied same as he told Ms. Woods when she'd hugged Alan.

"Dude! You've grown!" Stacy stepped back and hovered her hand above Alan's head. "When I saw you last you were even with my shoulders and now you're…dang! Equal to my chin!"

"Have I really grown that much?" Alan asked as he looked at the distance between Stacy's shoulder and chin.

"Let's go check it out kid!" Stacy grabbed Alan's hand and dragged him upstairs, motioning for Jeremiah and Jeffery to follow. The twins followed Alan and Stacy upstairs, leaving the remainder of the Tracy family standing in shock at Alan being there one minute and gone the next.

"You'll have to excuse them, they've really been missing Alan since he left." Pastor Woods commented as he watched three of his foster children drag Alan upstairs.

… … … … … … …

Stacy closed the door to her bedroom once she'd gotten Alan, Jeremiah and Jeffery in there with her. The three teens took a seat on Stacy's bed as Alan pulled out her computer chair to sit in, curling up Stacy asked Alan a serious question.

"Alan, really how are you doing?" Stacy could tell Alan didn't seem as happy as she remembered him to be and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. True Alan wasn't her little brother, but neither were Jeremiah and Jeffery her older brothers – they were still family though. Alan developed a look of contemplation before he sagged.

"I miss you guys." Alan said truthfully. He hadn't wanted to say that aloud in case it hurt his family's feelings.

"We miss you too." Jeremiah said, hoping Alan could hear the sincerity in his voice. "What say we all stay up tonight in the living room and play one of our weekend games? Alan gets to pick!"

"I think that'd be fun." Jeffery said. "As long as we can break out the kettle corn, gotta have the kettle corn."

"Yes we can have kettle corn Jeffery." Stacy and Alan laughed as Jeffery smacked his lips. Turning to Alan Stacy asked. "Any ideas what board game you want to play tonight?"

Alan gave it some thought before he decided one the game he wanted to play. "Scrabble."

"Scrabble? Okay, I thought you hated scrabble though." Jeremiah said with a perplexed look. Alan shook his head that he actually did like scrabble, just didn't know many words yet. He was constantly perplexed by words that Mr. and Ms. Woods used and he just couldn't ever think of any words to win. Though he never did play to win.

Stacy, Alan, and Jeffery chuckled before they heard Ms. Woods calling from downstairs.

"We'd better measure you in case they ask." Stacy said as she, Jeremiah, Jeffery and Alan snuck from Stacy room.

"Okay, but seriously – does it really look like I've grown?" Alan limped over to the upstairs bathroom and stood along the wall before the height chart.

"Yeah." Stacy pulled a pen out of her hair, which she'd been using to keep her hair pinned back and measured Alan. "See?"

Alan stepped away and turned around to see that yes, he in fact did grow again. He'd grown another three inches at least. Stacy pointed at his last tic mark on the chart from before he'd returned to be with his family.

"Cool." Alan replied as he turned to go back downstairs. He was hungry and he wanted lunch. "Come on!"

"We're coming squirt, hold your horses." Jeffery said as he walked beside Alan, an arm slung over the kid's shoulder. As they traveled downstairs they overheard Pastor Woods talking with Jeff.

"Good activity for gaining trust." Alan paused as he overheard the topic of conversation.

"Will it make him better though? He always has nightmares and I'm afraid those are making him fear us." Jeff asked.

"Oh yes. They worked for us when he had just moved in with us. It took a while but as you can see, everything got better." Pastor Woods said before Jeremiah coughed, drawing everybody's attention to the kids who stood in the doorway. "Hello kids, I trust you all are hungry?"

Alan decided to ignore the previous conversation, his stomach deciding for him and he'd nodded. As they all sat down to eat, Pastor Woods turned to the Tracy family.

"Do you mind if we pray before we eat?"

"No not at all." Jeff replied as he watched The Woods family and Alan join hands. Alan whom he sat next to offered his hand out to his father and Jeff took it while doing the same. Once everybody had joined hands Pastor Woods turned to Alan.

"Do you wish to say grace for old times' sake Alan?" Alan paused and looked to Pastor Woods before nodding slowly. "Go ahead then son."

Jeff watched with a partially cracked eye as Alan once more bowed his head before beginning to say grace over their meal.

"God our Father, Lord and Savior; thank you for your love and favor. Please bless this food and drink we pray and all those who share with us today. Amen." When Alan said the closing, everyone followed suit and Alan let go of Ms. Wood's hand as well as Jeff's.

"Thank you Alan, may heaven smile upon you today and always." Pastor Woods replied before lifting the serving spoon to dish up the plate of food before passing it to the right. Once everyone had a plate of food they all dug right in. At some point during the meal, Pastor Woods asked the niggling question in the back of his mind. "So Alan how much did you grow since last time?"

Alan who was chewing his food took a sip from his water glass before swallowing. Looking at Pastor Woods, he answered. "About three inches sir."

"I thought you'd grown again. Guess all that sunshine is helping you to grow then huh?" Pastor Woods asked.

"I guess." Alan replied before continuing to eat his lunch. Jeff again took notice how Alan seemed to be different when he was with the Woods family and he also noticed that Alan also referred to Pastor Woods as sir, not Pastor or anything else. That had him perplexed for sure. He'd have to ask Pastor Woods if that was Alan's normal behavior, because if it was then he really didn't have anything to be concerned with. If it wasn't then they all had their hands full with trying to get Alan to trust them more.

… … … … … … …

Later that evening found Jeff sitting on the couch with Pastor and Ms. Woods talking more in depth about ways to make Alan trust them again. They could hear the kids in the dining room talking and laughing as they took part in a game of Scrabble, or make that one of three so far. It seemed to be a knuckle biter – for Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon who while none too fond of board games loved Scrabble and it sounded like they were losing as it was four against four. The kids decided to make up teams when the Tracy brothers joined in and each person on the team could set up a word.

… … … … … … …

Alan placed the word 'Kelpy' for 15 points on the board and Gordon groaned dramatically. Jeremiah grabbed Alan round the shoulders and gave the kid a noogie while Jeffery gave Alan a high five. Alan who was sitting with his walking boot leg outstretched struggled to stand up from where he sat on the floor, but Stacy gave Alan a hand up.

"I'm going to the bathroom, go ahead and continue without me." Alan limped away and once he was around the corner, which left Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon alone with Jeremiah, Jeffery and Stacy. Scott placed 'Wahoo' for 11 points on the board and the room settled down briefly. The Tracy brothers remained quiet for a few moments, before Virgil looked to the two boys and girl that had been with Alan these last six months.

"So…" Virgil all of a sudden was at a loss for words.

"So…?" Jeremiah intoned as he looked through his scrabble chips to see if he had a good word to create.

"How'd you come up with the nickname with Bean for Alan?" Virgil grabbed something out of thin air and just went with it.

"Um…have you looked at him? He's skinny. He's a string bean." Jeremiah replied with a smirk. "I ain't gonna call him bean pole."

"Ain't isn't a word dummy." Stacy said as she inclined her head whilst quirking an eyebrow at her foster brother.

"Shut up Stacy." Jeremiah replied before clutching at his arm when Stacy hit him hard in the bicep.

"Make me." Stacy replied as she stuck her tongue out and stood up also. "I'm gonna go get some juice, I'll be back in a moment."

Using the available time they had with Alan gone, Scott decided to put his pride aside.

"How do you do it? Get along with Alan so easily?"

Jeremiah and Jeffery looked at each as they contemplated an answer. Jeffery was first to answer "Well, we let him come to us. Why do you ask?"

"It's just Alan has been with us a month and he doesn't seem to be any more use to us than he was first off. He's still very much afraid of us all and refuses to make eye contact." Scott replied.

"And what makes you think he's not afraid of us? Because he lets us hug him and horse around? It's because we had to earn that trust and we had to do it over the six months after he moved in with us." Jeremiah answered truthfully. "It's not going to be anything fast. You've got to remember that he was abused these last six years – it's going to be hard for him to trust people easily."

"Yes, he's very much a scared bunny because of what those jerks did to him. Give it time and Alan will warm up to you." Jeffery said as he placed a word 'Patience' on the scrabble board. "Look at the scrabble board…the word I just placed – that right there is a virtue."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Sorry for having taken a week to update this, between college starting back up and a possible romance blooming, I've been a little sidetracked and unable to update. That and my computer was refusing to bring up my internet, something about Shockwave not running correctly.<strong>_

_**Hope you enjoy! Reviews are muy bien! **_


	12. Smile For The Camera

Alan was returning from the bathroom when he paused outside of the living room, eavesdropping on his father and ex-foster parent's conversation. His dad sounded like he was talking about what he had planned for Alan and the boy didn't like what he heard and he'd backed up as he heard 'boarding school', 'school for boys' mentioned.

'_He wants to get rid of me.'_ Alan looked ready to cry when a gentle hand on his shoulder made him jump and spin around. A hand over his mouth silenced any noise he'd have made and he'd stiffened until he saw it was Stacy. She'd taken Alan by the hand and led him upstairs when she overheard the same conversation that Alan had overheard. Taking him over to her bed, Stacy sank down on it with the eleven year old boy.

"You okay squirt?" Stacy looked Alan in the eye while trying to figure him out.

Alan sniffed and wiped his eyes with his wrist, nodding at Stacy's question.

"I think you're lying. I know what I heard and you don't need to worry Al. Dad will convince your father not to send you to a boarding school. He knows how fragile everything is since the abuse and he won't like the idea of you not being with your family." Stacy took hold of one of Alan's hands and gave it a tender squeeze.

"Why did all this have to happen? Why was I taken from my family in the first place Stacy?" Alan looked at the girl he still considered a sister.

"I don't know Alan, but trust me. None of this is ever going to happen again. You are back with your family again and you've still got us." Stacy opened her arms allowing Alan to fall into her arms. Alan leaned his head onto Stacy's shoulder, taking comfort in her embrace. Since the abuse occurred – he'd never really been comfortable with hugs from people of the same gender. Because the people that usually abused him were male.

"Do I have to go back downstairs?" Alan asked, looking to his big sister for the right answer and smiled slightly when she shook her head.

"No, why don't you go get changed and come back here to lie down. I was getting kind of bored anyway." Stacy offered and smiled at the kid when he nodded. "Or if you'd rather not lie down, you and I could sing along to one of my CD's."

"I'm kinda tired." Alan said refusing to sing when his family was present. He was still embarrassed over being caught by Jeremiah and Jeffery three months before he'd met John and got back in contact with his family. They'd teased him over singing along with Stacy to a Jump5 song. "Will you sing to me though?"

"Sure runt. Go get on your jammies and come back here. I'll sing to you." Stacy prodded Alan to go get changed and he'd gone for about five minutes before returning in his spaceship pajamas. Stacy pulled back the covers on her bed, allowing Alan to slip between the sheets before tucking him in. She'd put on her newest ATeens CD and sang along to a song or two before noticing Alan had fallen asleep. Smiling to herself, Stacy smoothed down the covers before standing to leave her room. She'd left her bedroom light on, because she knew light kept away Alan's nightmares for the most part. He never woke up screaming if his light or a night light was on.

Heading downstairs, Stacy met John leaving the dining room. The elder blonde looked towards Stacy and inquired Alan's whereabouts.

"He's in my room. He was a little tired so he laid down for bed." Stacy said as she guarded the staircase and Alan.

"Why did he go to bed? It's only eight o'clock?" John glanced at his watch before noticing Stacy roll her eyes.

"When he was living here, bedtime for him is eight o'clock. Where you live – obviously in a different time zone Alan has a later bedtime. He's here now and aside from being tired – he was upset." Stacy said as she gave a look to John.

"Upset about what?" John perked up at that. He wanted to know what had his baby brother upset.

"Try the fact that he and I both overheard your dad talking about sending him to a boarding school." Stacy crossed her arms as John clenched his teeth and tightened his fists. "Do you know Alan was this close to tears?"

Stacy held up a hand, her thumb and index fingers barely an inch apart to signify how close Alan was to bursting into tears.

"Is he still awake?" John asked, wanting to clear things up for Alan. His dad hadn't been talking about sending Alan to a boarding school – as if their dad would send Alan away for an education after them as a family had been without Alan for the past six years.

"He fell asleep about fifteen minutes ago. Don't go waking him up, or else he'll be a booger tomorrow." Stacy replied as she walked off to go get the air mattress from the hallway closet. She'd given up her bed to Alan, so she was planning on sleeping on the air mattress in her room with Alan.

… … … … … … …

John and his brothers gradually wandered up to the guest room, before preparing for bed themselves. When they'd all dressed for bed and lay down, Scott rolled over in the bed he was sharing with Virgil to look at John. Virgil propped his head up on his brother's arm to look at John also. Gordon lay flat on his back so he could see John. John lay on his side with his head propped up on his hand.

"Where's Alan?" Scott asked as he noticed Alan was nowhere in the room.

"He's asleep in Stacy's room." John replied with a huff.

"Why? He's here with us, not them." Virgil asked as he furrowed an eyebrow.

"Because he was upset after overhearing something dad was talking to Pastor and Ms. Woods about and went off with Stacy – I guess to calm down." John replied with a growl.

"What did he over hear dad talking about?" Gordon inquired as he looked across the room at the empty bed which had been designated as Alan's.

"How dad had planned on putting Alan in boarding school. Before Alan had been kidnapped. I know this because it was something dad and I talked about once. Dad had once told me he'd wanted to enroll all of us in a private school because he felt we'd all get a better education than what we could be taught in a public school. But if you'll recall, dad refused to put any of us in a boarding school after Alan was kidnapped because he feared one of us might go missing also."

"Is that why? I'd always wondered why dad never let any of us go. Dad got me excited about going to a boarding school then." Virgil replied. "It bummed me out when dad changed his mind and enrolled us in a private school via online classes."

"Well, that was why. Dad didn't want any of us going missing after he'd lost Alan. He wanted to keep us all in his sight. Why do you think I haven't gone away to college? It's because I'd prefer to do correspondence classes to stay close by for dad." John replied.

"So why was Alan upset then?" Scott asked.

"I'm sure it's because he came upon the conversation in the middle and only heard part of the conversation. Dad wouldn't send Alan away to a boarding school – not so soon after getting Alan back and I doubt at all just because he'll want to keep Alan close by so he knows where he is at all times." John suggested with a shrug. "Listen, I'm going off to bed. I'll see you guys in the morning."

With that John lay down and rolled over so his back faced his brothers. Hushed whispers trickled through the room before one by one everyone dropped off to sleep.

… … … … … … …

_'You little bastard come back here!' A five year old Alan scrambled up the stairs to evade Ray. The man was drunk and he was like a blood hound. Everywhere Alan had hidden had been discovered by the drunkard and he held his belt wrapped around one of his hands. Alan didn't want his medicine. It was awful. The welts on his back still hadn't faded from the previous night's dose and Alan was in agony as he tried to find some place to hide where Ray couldn't find him. Darting upstairs, Alan made a dive into Devon's bedroom looking for a place to hide. He could hear Ray's staggering gait as he stumbled up the stairs after Alan. Devon who'd been napping after staying up keeping an eye for Alan the night prior woke._

_ "Alan? What's going on?" Devon rolled over to look at his little brother and he came awake with a start after seeing the look of fear on Alan's face. "Alan?"_

_ "Ray, he says it's time for my medicine." Alan said as he tried to quiet Devon. The older boy could hear Ray getting closer to his room and he'd opened his closet before opening a panel in the back and shoving Alan behind the panel. Swiftly closing the panel and the closet door, Devon tried to look and act natural as he lay on his bed. Ray stumbled into Devon's bedroom and looked around – brown eyes red from the alcohol in his system._

_ "Where ish he?" Devon looked up in question when he heard Ray's slurred question._

_ "Who?" Devon keenly avoided looking at his closet because he didn't wish to reveal Alan's hiding place. Ray became increasingly angry when every question he asked to find Alan came up with an empty answer. Even drunk Ray seemed to figure out that Devon was hiding something or more like someone and he'd begun making his way towards Devon's closet. _

_Tears welled in the dim blue eyes, the light shining in from Devon's bedroom lamp – the trick door within the closet was closed tight and yet he was still told to be quiet by his new big brother. Curling up into a tight ball Alan covered his ears and tried not to cry out as he heard his new big brother screaming at his new daddy. Ray was livid. He'd just taken care of the man who brought Alan to him and now it was time for that little boy to learn his place in the family._

_ "You are not going to lay even one finger on him do you hear me?!" Devon yelled, the trick closet going dark as the lamp that had been illuminating Devon's bedroom was apparently used as a weapon and thrown. The sound of shattering ceramic made Alan curl up tighter if that was possible and his shoulders heaved as he swallowed his sobs._

_ "That boy needs to learn his place in this family! If he's goin to be a Thomas then he's got to learn his place!" The sound of leather creaking was heard before the sound of leather meeting skin was heard. "He can't go through life without knowing where he stands in this family unit!"_

_ "He's just a little boy! Leave him alone!" Devon bellowed before a loud thunderous boom was heard. Devon must have just tackled Ray to the ground in attempt to protect his new little brother._

_ Alan bit his lip and could taste the acidic bloody taste as he'd punctured his bottom lip from how hard he'd bitten. Continuing to cover his ears, Alan allowed the tears to fall freely. He was terrified._

_ "I'm a good boy…I'm a good boy." Alan whispered to himself as he heard Ray continually beat up Devon. "I'm a…"_

_ The trick door in Devon's closet opened up and there standing in the doorway was the formidable form of his new daddy Ray Thomas. Ray reached down and latched onto little Alan's forearm and dragged him from the closet. Alan resisted as much as he could, pulling and grappling onto Ray's hand in attempt to free himself so he could flee, but the man's grip was much too strong._

_ Ray wrenched around and slapped Alan straight across the face, his hit being hard enough to give little Alan a busted lip. Alan became limp for a short while as he had gotten the sense knocked out of him before he resumed struggling. Devon laid on the floor, struggling to get up in order to protect his new little brother._

_ "Please! Don't hurt him dad!" Devon raised his head to plead with Ray. "I'll take his punishment for him, just please don't hurt him! Not again!"_

_ "As sweet as that sounds…it makes me sick. This little bastard needs to learn his place!" Ray threw Alan down to the ground and grabbed onto the belt which he'd left lying on Devon's bed. Raising his arm, he brought the metal belt buckle down onto Alan's clothed back, repeating the action five and six times, each scream Alan released seeming to spur Ray on to continue the beating._

"_Stop it!" Devon jumped in front of Alan and the metal belt buckle caught Devon round the side of the head, leaving a nice sized cut and welt in the shape of a belt buckle on his temple. "Give me the rest! At the rate you're going you'll kill him!"_

_Ray didn't seem to blink an eye at Devon protecting the little boy. _

"_Fine…you want to take his punishment, then so be it!" Ray shoved Devon to the ground and raised his arm and began to bring down blows onto Devon's bruised and battered body._

_Alan remained where he lay on the floor covering his head. His back and his bottom hurt, come to think of it…so did his arms and shoulders. Everywhere hurt really, but mostly his back. Holding perfectly still Alan continued to listen as Ray beat and whipped Devon with his belt. When the man tired, he ran his belt back through the loops in his jeans and buckled the belt before leaving both boys lying on the floor._

"Alan! Come on wake up!" Shaking, Alan shot up from sleep and toppled out of bed and onto the floor. Stacy was knelt down, her hair messy from sleep and her glasses back on in their rightful place. Alan shook, before Stacy leaned down and hugged him. "It was just a dream…don't worry. It wasn't real. It was just a bad dream."

A low knock on the door sounded and Stacy called to enter and Pastor Woods poked his head into the room before hurrying over to Alan and Stacy when he noticed their position on the floor. Alan either had been shouting really loud; waking the Pastor from sleep or Pastor Woods was doing his rounds like he'd done even when Alan had been his foster child and was simply checking up on the family. But either way the Pastor was dressed for bed, and was wearing his bath robe.

"Is everything alright?" Pastor Woods came over and knelt down before Alan and Stacy, taking note of the sweat shining across Alan's forehead.

"Yeah, it was just a bad dream." Stacy replied before hugging Alan close. Even if Alan was no longer her little foster brother, she still cared for him and would do anything for him. "Do you want me to share the bed with you Alan?"

Alan looked embarrassed as he nodded. Pastor Woods and Stacy helped Alan up before Stacy crawled into bed and motioned for Alan to climb in also. Alan tentatively climbed into bed with Stacy and he'd lie beside the girl before he fell asleep once more. Stacy stayed up for a bit, keeping an eye on Alan before snuggling Alan close and going back to sleep herself. Pastor Woods who'd remained for a bit to make sure Alan went back to sleep without problem – tucked both kids in before taking leave.

"Good night little ones."

… … … … … … …

Jeff and his four sons came from the guest room the following morning to be greeted by a half full table. Alan, Stacy, Jeremiah and Jeffery were gone and everybody questioned their whereabouts.

"They're over at the church. Stacy likes to play the piano and the boys went over with her. You boys are more than welcome to go over." Ms. Woods said as she began setting the table for breakfast. "They'll be back in time for breakfast, but if you boys decide to go over – be careful not to be too loud. Stacy doesn't like hearing noise when she's playing."

"Hey, just like Virgil here." Gordon hung his arm over Virgil's neck and smirked. Virgil rolled his eyes, before grabbing Gordon in a headlock and giving him a tear inducing noogie. "Okay! Uncle!"

Virgil released Gordon in favor of putting on his shoes and heading outside. He wanted to go see Alan and so to the church next door was where he was headed. As he made his way into the church, Virgil was stopped in shock by what he heard. He looked up to see Stacy playing the piano, but there singing some choir hymn was Alan. Jeremiah and Jeffery were sitting in the pew watching the two of them silently. Virgil felt a rush of cool air behind him and turned to silence whoever had entered and was not surprised one bit to see Scott, Gordon, and John. Each of them stared enraptured at the performing duo before Stacy's piano playing gradually stopped at which point Jeremiah and Jeffery clapped fervently. The Tracy brothers applauded also and Alan spun around in shock at having other listeners.

"You two are really good." Virgil replied. He was amazed to hear such a beautiful song and he didn't really like church hymns – he preferred plain piano music over piano with vocal, but that was amazing and he'd liked it.

Alan blushed and ducked his head in embarrassment at the compliment. He'd never let anybody but Stacy, Jeremiah and Jeffery hear him sing. He didn't think he sounded that good, but Stacy had asked him to sing along.

"Do you mind singing another one? Please?" Virgil clasped his hands behind his back and gave Alan the puppy dog eyes. Alan closed his eyes in dread at the thought of singing in front of anybody but Stacy, Jeremiah and Jeffery before he nodded softly. Looking at Stacy, Alan asked her with his eyes to pick out a song that'd be easy for him. She nodded and readied her fingers at the keys before playing the opening to the song. Alan recognized it instantly as one of the songs that Ms. Woods had sang to him in particular after one of his nightmares just after being placed in the Woods' care.

Virgil, Scott, John and Gordon all sat in a pew together and settled in to listen to their baby brother sing his little heart out. Jeremiah and Jeffery hummed along to not make Alan feel alone and Stacy offered gentle smiles to Alan for reassurance. When the song ended, Alan who had closed his eyes in concentration was shocked to hear whistles and cheers among other things. Opening his eyes in shock, Alan turned round to see each of his brothers standing up, clapping enthusiastically. If Alan wasn't mistaken it looked like his brothers eyes were shinier than normal. John broke away from the group and approached Alan with his arms splayed open. Alan walked into those arms and hugged John back.

"You were awesome!" John praised as he hugged tightly to Alan. "How come you never sing like this back at the villa?"

Alan curled his lips and looked away in embarrassment. He did sing like this when at the villa, he just made sure to do it when nobody could hear him. Like when he was on the beach or in the shower – nobody really noticed he sang because he did it when everybody else was busy. He didn't like singing in front of others for the most part because he felt embarrassed that he was going to mess up somewhere along the way and be laughed at. The only reason he felt comfortable singing around Stacy, Jeremiah and Jeffery was because none of them were very…in tune and they'd make fun of themselves if they ever messed up singing. It made Alan relax when he messed up in front of them because they would tease him for his mess up because they messed up too.

"Do you? Sing, I mean?" Virgil asked as he noticed the blush dusting Alan's cheeks.

Alan shrugged. He didn't want to make a habit of performing in front of anybody. He was nervous as it was already. The last he needed or wanted was to be asked to sing more often around his family.

"It's okay if you do Allie. It's very nice. I wouldn't mind hearing more." Virgil knelt before Alan, meeting the kid's eyes. Alan shifted his gaze away from Virgil's and looked elsewhere. He still felt weird being around his family, he just wasn't as comfortable as he probably should be with them.

"Come on, why don't we head downtown for a bit? They've just finished preparing for the Fourth of July holiday and the vendors are out a little early." Jeremiah suggested when he sensed the rising tension in the small church. "You guys going to be in town for the Fourth of July?"

"Maybe, when is it?" Gordon asked as he placed a hand on Alan's shoulder.

"Friday…today's Monday…yeah?" Jeffery said as he tried ticking off days mentally.

"Yeah, we'll actually be in town until next Wednesday." Scott said as he looked at the teenagers that Alan was practically glomming onto.

"Sweet! You guys have got to go with us to the annual Fourth of July festivities down at the park. We have a blast!" Jeremiah said as he looked at his twin with a smile.

"What is there to do?" Virgil asked, his interest piqued.

"There's vendors selling all sorts of crafts, local musicians that perform, a quilt show at the local elementary school, this huge parade and then to end the night there is a firework display. It's sick!" Jeffery and Jerimiah swapped places and began finishing each other's sentences – showing others how close a bond they held with that other twin.

"Well, what do you say Sprout? Do you want to go to the fair on Friday?" John looked at his baby brother, wanting to get his opinion. This vacation was all about working on Alan's trust and they couldn't do that if they didn't give him the chance to speak for himself.

Alan chewed on his lip in thought. He'd never gotten to experience the festivities of Fourth of July before…he wasn't ever permitted to with his other foster families. Giving John a look, Alan silently asked his brother if they could and John smiled before nodding.

"Yeah, we can Alan." John said in response to Alan's silent question.

Alan smiled when he'd been granted the permission to go and he hugged John in gratitude. This summer was full of surprises for the boy. He'd gotten returned to his family, he got out of foster care, lived on an island in a villa with his family, was treated like he mattered for the most part and he was happy. Not as happy as he could be, but he still was happy.

"So, do you guys want to go into town to go check out the pre-festivities? They can be just as fun. There's a fair in town, like a mini amusement park. There are rides, vendors, petting zoo – if you have a soft spot for animals like Bean does." Jeremiah said as he smirked at Alan.

Alan stuck his tongue out at Jeremiah in retaliation. Jeremiah copied him until Stacy intervened.

"I hate to break up this immaturity party, but we should probably be going so we can make it to the fair."

"Fine." Jeremiah pouted like Stacy had just ruined all his fun before leading the way out of the church. Alan hobbled along, but followed willingly.

… … … … … … …

John carried Alan on his back as they weaved through the throngs of people at the fair. Alan's ankle was starting to ache after he'd insisted he was okay to walk the short distance into town. Now John was trying to find something he and Alan could do while Scott waited on Virgil and Gordon to get on the ride they were waiting to get on. Taking notice of the heartfelt sigh from Alan, John glanced up to see Alan looking at the petting zoo. There were goats, a camel, ponies, sheep, pigs and piglets, puppies and even kittens.

"Want to go over there Al?" John gestured with his head and saw Alan look back over at the petting zoo. It was obvious that Alan did want to check it out…there were people of all ages standing around, petting all the animals. Deciding for Alan, John walked over before setting Alan down on the ground.

"Hello there! How are you folks this afternoon?" An older man asked as he eyed the two blondes.

"We're good sir, just wanted to check out all the animals." John said as he saw Alan looking at the puppies and kittens with a dreamy look. "Is it okay if my brother and I pet them?"

"Sure! This here's a petting zoo, get your fill of petting these little munchkins here." The older man said as he bent down to retrieve something. "Here kid, why don't you try feeding the camel? She hasn't had her afternoon snack yet."

John smiled at the man as he accepted the oversized milk bottle from the man and walked into the pen with Alan. Alan placed both hands on the bottle as the baby camel, still taller than Alan walked over and began suckling on the bottle. Alan held his arms up with John's help to make sure the bottle stayed at a tilted angle for the milk to flow down so the camel could drink it. Alan smiled in awe at being able to feed a baby camel and he just about melted into a puddle of goo when the baby camel finished her bottle and nuzzled Alan.

Alan caressed her face gently and he savored the moment that he got to do this.

"Smile for the camera!"

Alan and John both looked over just as a picture flashed across the expanse and they both saw stars. When the light blast cleared from their eyes, John turned Alan suddenly to hide him. Paparazzi had followed them to the fair and John was hoping that this wouldn't happen.

"Mr. Tracy! Who is the little one you've got there?"

John refused to answer and he hastily handed the bottle back to the man running the petting zoo before hurrying off with Alan. John kept a pace to get Alan out of the vicinity of the reporter following them but he knew Alan couldn't keep up at the rate he was going. Alan's ankle had started aching earlier and it'd just be sore later if John didn't stop to let Alan rest.

"What was that?! John?" Alan asked heatedly as he doubled over with his hands on his knees.

"That was a reporter. They have a tendency to follow all of us around because we're dad's children…I was hoping they wouldn't recognize me as John Tracy and just leave me alone." John lamented as he sat on a barrel behind an Indian fry bread trailer.

"Why are reporters so bad John?" Alan asked as he straightened up.

"They sometimes can't get facts straight…they'll likely make up a lie if they publish that photo of you and me. I just don't want them to continue following us, we're here to try to strengthen our relationship and we can't do that if they are getting in the way and meddling." John said as he looked at Alan with apology.

Alan looked around where John had dragged him to and wondered if they'd continue hiding back there. "Do we have to stay back here though?"

"No, I just brought us back here so we could catch a break. Promise me that if you get separated from me or anybody else at any time at all that you'll get away immediately and hide if a reporter approaches you. If you are at the church or on Pastor Wood's front porch or in the yard at all and a reporter approaches you…go inside immediately or come get dad. Don't let them take pictures of you if you can avoid it." John hopped off the barrel and knelt down in front of Alan, taking his hand. "Promise me!"

"Okay, I promise! But…what happens if they get a picture of me before I can get away?" Alan asked timidly.

"Tell me, dad, Scott or Pastor Woods. We'll take care of it." John said as he hugged Alan before poking his head out from behind the trailer to see if the coast was clear or not. Nodding that it was safe, John took Alan's hand once more and walked out cautiously. He wanted to find Scott and let him know to keep his eyes peeled. He had a bad feeling and he didn't think it was just him being paranoid.

The press wasn't going to be of any help to them at all. They'd lied in the newspaper after the landslide that he and Alan had gotten caught in a couple months back and said John was on deaths door when in reality he was quite alright…unless you counted his dislocated shoulder. Alan was the worst injured out of all of them. He was the one kept in the hospital because he'd developed an infection in the laceration to the back of his head and needed surgery to fix his newly broken ankle. Forgive him for wanting to be treated like normal and not have to deal with the paparazzi.


	13. Survivors

Jeff groaned as he looked at the newspaper two days later. Front page news…he couldn't believe that the tabloids screwed it up so bad. Alan had come back in from the park earlier crying because a bunch of kids that recognized him from the picture were calling him a charity case and had been teasing him for it. Gordon had gone with Alan as he'd been attempting to go through a trust exercise Pastor Wood's suggested and they hadn't even been able to start before Alan had begun crying and wanted to go home as he told Gordon.

_Pictured below: John Tracy, second son of Jefferson Tracy with abandoned youngster. Sources say the youngster pictured with John Tracy is one of many children left within the foster system in our small county. Apparently a fun day at the fair was in store for the lucky child who was treated to a day of fun._

Jeff scrubbed a hand over his face as he fished around in his pocket for his cell phone. It would appear that some damage control was in store. Reading further in the article made Jeff's blood boil as the reporter talking about Alan referenced him as a cast aside in the foster system and Jeff wanted that article and picture removed from the newspaper…yesterday. His son was not a charity case. Alan was his and always would be.

John entered the kitchen with a groan. He'd been dealing with his own form of damage control by trying to stem Alan's tears. The youngster was incredibly sensitive and he'd been a mess when he and Gordon returned from the park.

"How is he John?" Jeff asked as he prepared to call his lawyer to discuss measures to get the picture and article revoked.

"He's finally asleep. That glass of warm milk from Ms. Woods did the trick." John said as he sank down into a seat at the table. "Perhaps a little nap will make him feel better. Virgil is in there to keep an eye on him for me for a few minutes."

"Why don't you go catch a nap yourself? You could use the sleep." Jeff suggested lightly. He could see that since returning to the Wood's home that John had been getting a touch more sleep than he had been getting. Alan seemed to have fewer nightmares here and so he'd managed to sleep through the night also allowing John to sleep more.

"I'll be fine. I just wanted to apologize for getting us into this mess. If I'd been keeping aware of my surroundings like I should have been I might have noticed that reporter and could have disguised the both of us accordingly." John apologized, truly feeling like he was at fault for their picture having been used in the tabloids.

"Don't apologize John. It's not like you attracted their attention with a large neon sign or anything. You were having fun with your brother, there's nothing wrong with that." Jeff said as he lowered his phone.

"But sir…" John started to say before being cut off by his dad.

"No buts John. You didn't do anything wrong…neither did Alan. You were at the fair having fun. You can't get in trouble for hanging out at the fair." Jeff said as he nodded silently to himself, positive that John was finally going to listen to reason. John dropped his head in defeat before accepting his father's words. A comforting hand on John's shoulder made the elder blonde look up to meet Scott's cobalt blue eyes.

"Go, take nap. You look exhausted." Scott chided with a fond smile. John nodded slowly once more before leaving the kitchen with his head hung low. Once John had left the room that gave Scott and Jeff a few moments to figure out how this was going to affect their family. "How are we going to fix this?"

"Well, I'll tell you what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to allow this photo and article to further damage this family. I am going to contact my lawyer and get him on the scent of the lowlife who published this hurtful article." Jeff said with determination glistening in his eyes. "No one is going to harm my boy again, not if I have anything to say about it."

Scott wisely stayed quiet. He could see his dad was out for blood and Scott had to admit that he was too. That article was unnecessary…and it was revealed to the press just after Alan was removed from foster care and it was finalized that Alan had been found and returned to his family. The reporter that got that picture should have known that was Alan and not some child…some cast aside as they'd so graciously put it.

"I'm going to see if John's gone to lie down. Be back in a little bit." Scott stood with little else said and left the Wood's kitchen.

… … … … … … …

Stopping outside of Alan's previous bedroom at the Wood's home, Scott hesitated when it came to knocking. He didn't want to disturb Alan and John if the both of them were in fact sleeping, but his big brother instincts were screaming at him to check on his little brothers. Alan had been more than distraught when he and Gordon had come back and it'd taken lots of hugs, kisses, more hugs and comforting words just to quiet the kid's heartbreaking sobs. And John, he'd been lusting for blood the moment Gordon revealed what it was that had upset the kid so.

Knocking ever so softly, Scott opened the door and entered the semi-darkened room to gaze upon his brothers. The tear tracks had dried on Alan's cheeks and John held the boy to his chest. Both were sleeping soundly, Alan emitting a soft whistle between his teeth. Smiling adoringly at his baby brother, Scott grabbed the blankets at the foot of the bed and covered John and Alan up before leaving the room. He didn't wish to disturb them if they were only just asleep. Perhaps a nap would mend the hurt and make the rest of the day bearable for Alan. Gently closing the door, Scott went back downstairs and located Gordon on the front porch swing with Virgil. Both boys were swinging back and forth slowly.

"So…care to explain what happened in greater detail now that Alan's asleep?" Scott asked as he looked upon his younger brother.

"It happened the same way it did when I told dad. Alan and I were at the park; Alan wanted to get on the swings and asked me to give him an underdog. I went ahead and we'd been playing for a while when a couple guys about my age approached us. One of them yelled to his friends that 'hey it was the charity case'. I defended Alan and told them they had the wrong person and they just laughed. They said they never forgot a face and that Alan was definitely the charity case from the newspaper." Gordon hung his head in shame. "I made Alan get off the swing and I was going to take him somewhere else in the park away from those jerks and they started insulting Alan to the point of making him cry."

Scott bristled as did Virgil at the recounting of what happened to Alan and Gordon when they were at the park. It was uncalled for what happened and if Scott had been there he'd have given those guys what for.

"I told Alan we were coming back here and we started to head back and those jerks kept calling after Alan despite him already crying openly. I turned around and told them to piss off and leave my little brother alone and immediately brought Alan back. He didn't really turn on the heavy waterworks until we came into the living room." Gordon said as his head dropped further. He was feeling like a poor excuse for an older brother for not having been able to protect Alan very good. A warm hand on his shoulder made the red head look up into the warm and caring eyes of Scott.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up over this. You did the best you could." Scott reassured.

"No I didn't. Maybe if I'd punched their lights out I could have gotten them to back off, but as it was I failed Alan and I failed you guys at protecting Alan." Gordon moaned as he scrubbed a hand down the side of his face.

"No you didn't. If you'd have punched their lights out, I can assure you that might have sent Alan in another one of his episodes." Gordon, Scott and Virgil turned at the new voice to see Stacy. She was carrying Sally on her hip, her black hair hanging down around her shoulders. She smiled sadly before walking forward and taking a seat on the front porch step. "Yelling isn't the only thing that can make Alan revert back – violence does it too."

"How do you know that?" Virgil asked softly, mildly aware that Jeremiah and Jeffery were peering around the door jamb.

"Because once I slapped Jeremiah, in front of Alan…during a game of charades mind you and Alan went off into his own little world – covered his ears, wailing about how he was a good boy. It scared all of us, because that was one of the first episodes any of us experienced with Alan. It took a glass of ice cold water in his face to bring him out of it." Stacy said as she played pat-a-cake with Sally. "That was probably the first, but not the last attack we'd bore witness to. Every other time he had an attack, it always involved either yelling – particularly from adult sounding voices or violence in some kind."

"You can't forget belts do it too." Jeremiah chimed in, stepping out on the porch to join Stacy on the stoop. "We got rid of all belts in this house the first time Alan dropped like a lead weight at the sound of a belt being run through the loops."

"Belts? Why?" Scott asked, afraid of the answer he might hear.

"Because Alan was beaten with them, Ray and occasionally his other foster parents would give him a lick with a belt if they didn't approve of something he was doing…but Ray ruined Alan. Beat the kid so hard he developed scars where the leather bit through his skin." Jeffery said before Stacy cleared her throat, trying to change the subject.

"That's why if we have baggy pants, we wear suspenders…so we aren't scaring Alan." Jeremiah said as he lifted the strap of one of the suspender loops.

"How bad was this Ray guy?" Scott asked, wishing he didn't have to know.

"The guy came from the depths of Hell, what more do you want me to say?" Stacy said as she stood up, going inside and slamming the screen door.

"Sorry about Stacy, she doesn't really like talking about Ray." Jeremiah said as he motioned to Jeffery to go check on Stacy.

"Why, I mean I can understand if she's pissed about him hurting Alan…but?" Virgil asked timidly.

"Because her father…he kind of knew him. Let him do some things he shouldn't have and Stacy got taken away when she tried to kill herself. She…has this bond…with Alan. You know? Both of them, indirectly and directly knew each other because of the same bastard…so Stacy feels very protective of Alan." Jeffery paused momentarily before he stood. "Excuse me."

Scott, Virgil and Gordon all sat in silence as what Jeffery said sunk in. Ray was lower than scum apparently. And it wasn't just Alan he'd harmed, but Devon, Stacy and who knows how many others. It was frightening to imagine.

… … … … … … …

Stacy stormed into the den and placed Sally in her playpen before running upstairs. Jeffery was downstairs calling for her, but Stacy refused to answer. She ran to her bedroom and locked the doors, a major no-no in the Wood's house considering all of them were either flight risks or troubled. Stacy fit into the category of troubled and she looked at herself in her mirror, despising what she saw. Her reflection showed a girl, lanky black hair, glasses, blue eyes. Removing the many bracelets she often wore, Stacy looked at her arms and the hundreds of scars that covered her arm.

If it hadn't been for Ray, for her dad…she might have been happy. But instead she'd been made miserable for two years of her life. She'd hated herself, wanted nothing more than to die and she'd almost succeeded, but the hospital discovered the bruises when they'd been stitching her arms after that last attempt. They'd brought in a psychologist and someone from the child welfare office and they'd talked to her about what happened. She'd explained everything and how happy she'd been when Ray had been locked away. She said she'd felt bad that another child suffered at Ray's hands as well, but at least he or she…they had the balls to call authorities while she just let it happen. She'd never forgive him for what he did to her, she'd die happy if he rotted in prison.

"Stacy?" The girl looked up at the meek voice and spun on her heel when she saw Alan, hiding behind her stuffed panda she kept on her bed. The boy looked positively sick and it tore at Stacy heart when it occurred to her that even in Alan's dreams – Ray was there, abusing him, beating him, neglecting him, hurting him in any way possible because he was just that kind of crazy. It didn't matter that he'd been locked up, placed in prison behind bars for the child abuse and murder of his wife. Ray was still haunting Alan's dreams and on occasions Stacy's as well.

"Come're kid." Stacy opened her arms to Alan and watched as Alan scrabbled off her bed and into her arms. Stacy's arms had been Alan's safe haven before he'd gone back to live with his biological family. Stacy hugged Alan tightly, hoping that her embrace would keep Alan safe, keep the nightmares at bay. "Did you have another nightmare?"

Alan needn't say anything. The tears glistening in his eyes as well as the catch in his breathing was enough to answer Stacy's question.

"We'll get through this kid, we've got to." Stacy said as she sank to the floor, Alan held tightly in her arms. She'd protect Alan fiercely, like a mama grizzly bear defending her cubs. Alan was still just a baby in her mind, regardless of him being three years younger than her.

… … … … … … …

Scott, Virgil and Gordon were left to wonder what the connection between Stacy and Alan was before coming to the conclusion that the only connection was their involvement with Ray. The man was apparently as deadly as a Black Mamba and both Alan and Stacy had survived whatever Hell they'd been put through.

As they continued to wonder what further connections Alan and Stacy had, they just barely heard the call for lunch time from Ms. Woods in the kitchen as well as John's urgent call for Alan.

… … … … … … …

John woke up almost an hour later, noticing the comforting weight of Alan in his arms was gone and the bed beside him was cold. He'd sat up hurriedly as his eyes scanned the room for his little brother. The bathroom door stood open and John hurried for the bathroom, the kid usually hurled a couple times after a particularly traumatizing nightmare but he found relief was non-existent when there had been no recent sign of Alan anywhere within the section of housing upstairs.

"Alan?" John padded out of the bathroom to quickly check beneath the bed as well as in Alan's closet. Those two places seemed to be Alan's main hiding spots when he got scared and nobody was there to comfort him. "Alan, come on…where are ya buddy?"

When there wasn't an answer, John felt his anxiety grow. Alan could usually and did usually answer him when John called for him. If the kid wasn't anywhere within his bedroom, he had to be somewhere within the house…right? Striding from Alan's room, John hurried downstairs to see if maybe Alan had gone down to get lunch. Sliding on socked feet around the corner, John came to a screeching halt as he took notice of Alan's continued absence.

"Guys? Where's Alan?" John asked, his voice quavering as his anxiety shot through the roof.

"Isn't he still taking a nap?" Jeff asked as he set down his coffee cup.

"No, he's gone. I don't know where he'd have gone." John said as he scanned every nook and cranny there was possible. This was like a dangerous game of Minesweeper to John.

"Have you checked the bathroom?" Scott asked before he even though of sitting down for lunch.

"Yes, I've checked Alan's room, his bathroom, beneath his bed and just about everywhere else and I can't find him anywhere!" John said with minor alarm.

"Jeremiah, have you seen Alan?" Pastor Woods who was helping to set the table for Ms. Woods.

"No, but he might have gotten up and be with Stacy and Jeffery…especially if he had a nightmare again." Jeremiah said as he gazed at the pastor.

"Wait, why would Alan have gone to Stacy or Jeffery if he'd had a nightmare, he's got John as his bodyguard." Gordon asked, the pit of worry in his gut growing just that little bit more.

Jeremiah looked at Pastor and Ms. Woods carefully before nodding silently.

"Because they know what it's like…to be beaten within an inch of your life." Jeremiah said as he gazed sadly at the table, the older brother instincts chastising him for not being better able to protect his own little brother especially from their dad. "John, do you remember…one thing we talked about after that landslide?"

John was taken aback by Jeremiah's question. Of course he'd remembered, but they'd talked about so much it was hard to figure out just what Jeremiah was getting on to.

"What about?"

"How Jeffery and I came to be fostered by the Wood's? Remember?" Jeremiah was referencing to one of the times they'd been trying to keep each other awake. Somehow they'd gotten onto the morbid topic of how they came to be involved with foster care.

"I barely remember, care to enlighten me?" John admitted, blushing in shame that he'd actually forgotten something they'd discussed during bouts of unconsciousness and consciousness while waiting for help to come.

… … … … … … …

_John shifted with a grimace as his dislocated shoulder moved from where he'd placed it in the fashioned sling. Jeremiah had a hoodie tied about his waist and Jeffery took it to build John a sling so that he might be able to cradle his bum arm. He bit his lip as his back resisted the movement to keep from crying out as he tried to change positions of his legs so that Alan might rest comfortably against him. The younger boy had been in and out of consciousness and it was beginning to scare John how Alan seemed so out of it even when he was awake._

_ "How's your arm Jer?" Jeffery asked as he rummaged through his backpack for a bottle water to split between him, John, Jeremiah and Alan._

_ "It's okay. Hurts like a bitch but I bet nowhere near as bad as what dad did to you." Jeremiah mumbled incoherently. The pain was making him delirious and he was finding it hard to remember where he was, who he was with just what the hell happened to him. "Did dad get drunk again?"_

_ "No, we don't live with dad anymore…remember? We've been living with the Pastor and his wife for the last few years." Jeffery said as he pillowed Jeremiah's head against his own lap._

_ "What's he talking about Jeffery?" John asked softly, taking to stroking Alan's hair delicately._

_ "Our past." Jeffery said, not wishing to open that can of worms any further. "It's a long story."_

_ "I have more than enough time if you want to explain." John said as he lifted the hand tenderly stroking Alan's bruised face to gesture at the situation they were in. "We've got a while until rescue crews show up."_

_ Jeffery had never hated his older brother more than that moment._

… … … … … … …

"Anyway, long story short…our father came home drunk. Found that Jeffery and I had missed the bus to go to school and he flipped out. He grabbed Jeffery and broke his arm with how hard he grabbed my brother. Jeffery began crying and begging dad to let him go and dad just got angrier." Jeremiah said, tears slowly building in his own eyes as he remembered the last time their father had beat either of them.

Pastor and Ms. Woods placed sympathetic hands on the boy's shoulder but he continued on.

"Dad said, if you don't quit crying…I'll give you something to cry about. And when Jeffery kept crying, dad threw him on the floor and began to beat the Hell out of him. He gave me a licking too when I tried to save Jeffery but I was too little. When dad finally quit, there was so much blood and Jeffery was so still – I was afraid he'd killed Jeffery. Dad left and I was left holding Jeffery, begging him to wake up. Then our neighbor who'd taken a liking to us came over and he and his wife rushed me and Jeffery to the hospital when they found us. CPS was called and the neighbor came over to visit the both of us until it was certain we were going into foster care. About a year later we were placed with mom and dad and haven't looked back." Jeremiah sniffled as he finished retelling the harrowing experience with his and his brother's own abuser.

"What about your biological mom? Didn't she ever try to stop your dad?" Gordon asked timidly.

"No, Jeffery and I found her not long ago…maybe two years ago and she was in a rehab center for cocaine. Told the both of us that she never wanted either of us because of how we were conceived and that was why she'd turned to hard drugs." Jeremiah said a cold look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Gordon said thinking nobody should ever have to be abandoned by a parent let alone abused by one also.

"Don't be. They're not my mom and dad…by blood maybe but my real mom and dad are Pastor and Ms. Woods. They showed Jeffery and I love and compassion and raised us to tell right from wrong. Even if we don't always follow their lessons, for the most part we mean well." Jeremiah said before excusing himself from the table. "I'm going to go see if I can find the munchkins."

"You'll have to excuse Jeremiah, recounting the abuse can be difficult for him and his brother." Pastor Woods said softly. He felt bad for all the children he'd ever taken into his home, but usually they all got better and never let what happened to them in the past dictate their futures. Alan, Stacy, Jeffery and Jeremiah – even Sally were all welcomed into his home with he and his wife.

"Dad, do you have the key to Stacy's room? She locked the door." Jeremiah asked as he strode into the kitchen, worry on his face that Stacy was breaking one of the rules in the Pastor's house.

"Not again." Pastor Woods stood up and removed the key to Stacy's room from the hook and handed it to Jeremiah. "Here you go son. Yell if you need help."

Jeremiah nodded before leaving the room; as Pastor Woods sat back down to finish the rest of his meal.

… … … … … … …

Jeremiah put the key into the lock and slowly turned the knob. What he found wasn't even remotely worrying. Stacy was sound asleep on her bed, Alan pulled tight into her arms and Jeffery who'd gotten into the room somehow and was asleep leaning against the foot of Stacy's bed. Shaking his head to himself, Jeremiah removed the key and went into the room. Stepping up to the bed, Jeremiah woke the three of them with promises of food.

"Hey guys, lunch is done."

The three of them stirred and one by one they each woke up.

Jeremiah grinned as three sets of eyes glared up at him groggily. Gently shaking each individual person from their personal stupor he repeated his earlier statement to them.

"Wakie-Wakie…lunch is done."

"Heard ou the first time." Jeffery groaned as he stretched like a cat. Jeremiah smiled fondly at his little brother, glad that he had been okay and glad that the both of them were out from under their father's iron fist.

"Then? Come on, get up and out of bed you old lazy bones." Jeremiah goaded his little brother into sitting up.

"You're older th'n me." Jeffery grumbled as he sat up from his impromptu nap. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, he just sat down on Stacy's bed – comforting and talking to Alan like he and Stacy often did together and the three of them fell asleep. He had to admit, he felt refreshed.

"Yeah, I'm older by a couple minutes. But seriously if you three don't come down and eat, I'll eat it all myself." Jeremiah coaxed before pulling Alan and Stacy's hands to force them to sit up. The three of them yawned and crawled off Stacy's bed before following Jeremiah down the stairs.

"Hey there you guys are." Pastor Woods spoke as he noticed the sleep ridden faces of the three kids. "Have a nice nap you three?"

Three groggy nods answered back, that and a growling stomach. Pastor Woods heard the growling stomach and chuckled softly. "Come on kids, come sit down and have a bite."

Ms. Woods stood to retrieve a couple plates, before she dished out the food and served the three kids that sat at the table rubbing their eyes sleepily. "Tuck in kids."

Alan lifted his fork and speared the sausage and macaroni and cheese. Taking a small bite, Alan supported his head on his fist as he tried to stay awake. He still felt tired and he knew it was the many weeks of improper sleep he'd been getting.

"So Alan, how about after lunch how about you, your dad and I go out for a stroll with Sally? You know she likes going around the block in her stroller." Pastor Woods said in offer to go out try a trust exercise with Alan and Jeff. He tilted his head in question when Alan shook his head. "Why not son?"

Alan mumbled quietly, not wishing to be heard. He kept his head down his eyes staring mournfully at the food on his plate.

"Alan, look at me please." Pastor Woods softly commanded, making the boy look up timidly. "You will be with your father and I…we won't let anyone bother you. And besides, don't you want to go out while it's nice and cool to check out the preparations in town for the Fourth of July fair?"

Alan stuck out his bottom lip as he looked back down at his macaroni and cheese. He did want to go to check out the set-up of the Fourth of July fair, but that was at the park and it was at the park where he was called a charity case and teased by the older kids.

"Alan, rest assured your father and I will not let anyone bother you. This is just going to be a day for the four of us…you, me, your dad and Sally." Pastor Woods coaxed, trying to get Alan to agree to come out with him and Jeff. The boy needed to learn to trust his father and to do that, they needed to put Alan in situations where he had to rely on his father to be of help. It was how they'd gotten Alan to trust the pastor and his family.

"Promise?" Alan asked timidly as he lifted his gaze to see his dad and Pastor Woods nod.

"We promise Alan…no harm will come to you nor will we let anyone bother you." Jeff said which was echoed by Pastor Woods.

"Okay…" Alan said softly before pushing his plate away and excusing himself from the table. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Everyone just sat there mutely, disbelief that Alan had not only agreed to go somewhere with two adult men, but had also just left a plate full of food to get cold and inedible. Ms. Woods cleared her throat before she removed Alan's plate from the table.

"I'll just put this away for him for now. I'm sure he'll be hungry again in a little while."

John moved to get up, but a hand on his arm made him pause. One look over told him that Jeremiah had stopped him and with a nearly imperceptible shake of the head, John settled back in his seat – dutifully finishing his lunch.

… … … … … … …

Alan entered his old bedroom and closed the door silently, before pressing himself against said door. He exhaled a shaky breath. He didn't want to go out, but he knew this was something the pastor had done with him a while back when he'd first come to their home.

Tightening his fist just enough, Alan swallowed deeply the tears that wanted to be released. Instead he bowed his head before he determined that this was something he needed to do. He had to do this, no matter how scared he was. It was the least he could do for causing pain and problems in his dad's family. Ray's voice echoed around in his head before Alan shook his head sharply.

'_Leave me alone!'_ Alan covered his ears to block the voices floating around in his head. It wasn't just Ray's voice in his head, but some of his other foster parents.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So I know I said I might post every now and again but 18 credits was way too much, I dropped one of the 5 credit classes and am now back down to 12 credits *whew*, the romance I mentioned in my last author's note has become almost something kind of frightening and I broke it off with him before we even got started now if only he'd leave me alone (in other news I will be posting more as with the lesser course load I have more time now for writing...do i hear applause, whoops and hollers? Okay, nothing from the peanut gallery? Okay time to go crawl under a rock and split time between homework and writing.<strong>_

_**You can expect to see me on here every now and again, but since I got such awesome reviews last time; I'll be nice and post a chapter. Also, I will be keeping the poll open until the first of February. So anyone who hasn't voted, you can find the poll on my account home page.**_

_**Ya'll are the awesomest of awesome and I love your reviews, they make my day better and my smile surface from non-existent to existent.**_


	14. Making Headway

"_We can't keep him. He's a danger to our other children." The soft dulcet tones of Ms. Leah said as she stood by his hospital bedside._

_ "Ms. Leah, you are probably one of the best foster mother's he's had in a long time. Why can't you keep him?" Mr. Avery asked as he stood by Alan's hospital bed, holding his backpack of meager belongings._

_ "He's just not safe to be around my other children. He hits and he bites and just last night alone he terrified the hell out of me and my family when he got ahold of the bottle of aspirin. I had that aspirin in a locked cabinet and somehow Alan found and tried to take the entire bottle. He's nine years old and in severe need of psychiatric help." Ms. Leah said as she gently brushed Alan's bangs from his face. _

_ "The state would be willing to cover the cost of psychiatric treatment and therapy. We'll make it worth your while." Mr. Avery said pleadingly. This was possibly the worst outcome out there. Alan had only been with this new foster family for two months after being in an orphanage for the past year to recover from the abuse he'd sustained when living with the Newton family. "He needs a family and your family I believe can help him."_

_ "I'm sorry. Calling an ambulance to rush a child that ingested an entire bottle of aspirin to have his stomach pumped is not helping him. If anything, it's only hurting him. He can't recover when he's with a family. Not right now. If you continue trying to place him in a home you may wind up with a dead child on your hands Mr. Avery." Ms. Leah said softly before brushing a kiss on the semi lucid Alan's forehead. "You be good for Mr. Avery and those nice ladies at the Home, okay baby?"_

… … … … … … …

_ "Hey, so what are you doing back? I thought I told you I never wanted to see your ugly mug in this Home again?" One of the older boys in the orphanage said as he leaned over the edge of the top bunk bed to peer down at the boy who lay curled beneath his blankets, staring off into nothing._

_ Alan didn't say anything, having decided it's better to just not speak anymore. He continued to stare at the wall, wishing not for the first time that what he'd done had worked and had ended his misery. He just wanted it all to end, what was so hard about that? He was a useless piece of trash and Ray was right…he was nothing and he never would be. All he was good for was to cause pain to those around him and he'd decided it wasn't fair that he should be around to ruin people's lives._

_ "Are you going to talk to me slim or are you going to keep ignoring me?" The older boy asked again, trying to get Alan to speak to him. "I give up."_

… … … … … … …

_ "I don't know what the hell Avery was thinking, but you are far from a suitable foster parent for Alan!" Clipped words were muffled behind the door in the hall, before the door opened – revealing a woman with mahogany hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and a clean cut suit skirt. "Maybe you ought to try sobering up before you con the system and leave the children you are supposed to be caring for in a drafty black mold infested home while you spend the money meant to clothe and feed these children on alcohol and gambling!"_

_ The woman strode forward and it didn't matter that he was nine and a half or that she wore a skirt and heels, she lifted the weak, barely able to support his own head child from the bed, cocooned in the blankets into her arms and strode from his bedroom, the sheriff's deputy gathering Alan's meager belongings in a backpack that had seen better days._

_ He lay nestled in the kind and caring woman's arms in the front seat of the police cruiser, the heater turned up on high, siren screaming as the police officer hurried to get the deathly sick child to the hospital. It wasn't until he'd been admitted and placed in the pediatric ICU that little Alan had woken up, sore and weak to see a woman in a simple jeans and t-shirt sat by his bed, reading a book quietly._

_ Alan wasn't able to get a word out before he doubled over with rib breaking coughs and a gentle hand on his back patted gently while a soft voice murmured to the sick child._

_ "You're okay sweetie, try to take a deep breathe."_

_ Alan covered his mouth and coughed again and recoiled when he pulled his hand from his mouth to discover blood dotting his hand. The same gentle hand that had had been on his back had moved around with a baby wipe and had cleaned the blood from his hand, before swiping the clothe over his mouth to clean the blood from his lips._

_ "I know it hurts to breathe, but you need to take a deep breathe if you can." Alan listened to the voice of the woman and took as deep a breath as he could before exhaling slowly. "There now, that's good. And again."_

_ Alan took another slow deep breath and once he'd gotten a few deep breaths in without a coughing fit he looked up at the woman with a question in his eyes._

_ "I'm Ms. Alexander, your new case worker." The woman said as she leaned forward in her seat to take hold of Alan's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Alan darling."_

_ Alan didn't say anything, having given up speaking many months ago._

_ "I know you don't speak, that's why I brought you something." Ms. Alexander said as she turned in her seat to grab a giant bag. When she turned, she held a wrapped object, wrapped in colorful wrapping paper. She handed it to Alan and he looked at the wrapped object before looking at Ms. Alexander, his eyes full of questions. "Open it sweetie, it's for you."_

_ Alan nodded meekly, before he carefully tore the tape away from the paper. As he unwrapped the object, a small dry erase board, sketchbook, colored pencils and dry erase marker fell from the paper into Alan's lap. He looked down at the items and hiccupped as tears rushed to his eyes. Sniffling as best he could, Alan released a small choked sob as warm arms embraced him._

_ "It's okay sweetie, I talked with one of your last foster mothers Ms. Leah and she mentioned you were always drawing. I hope you don't mind that I got you these gifts." Ms. Alexander said in a soft manner, shushing Alan softly._

_ Alan shook his head, before he grabbed the marker and dry erase board._

_ 'Thank you.' He wrote with shaky fingers on the dry erase board._

_ "Do you like it?" Ms. Alexander asked as she cuddled Alan close._

_ 'I love it.' Alan wrote beneath the word of thanks. He underlined 'Thank you' three times before adding 'so much' to the string of words. Ms. Alexander knew just from reading those words that Alan didn't get presents often, if at all and this was probably like Christmas to the child. _

… … … … … … …

_ Alan shuffled through the small two story house, keeping his handful of tissues close by in case he began coughing again. As he shuffled into the kitchen, he spotted the one person that had treated him with kindness and patience despite his kicking, biting and all around obstinacy. Ms. Alexander stood before the stove, stirring something in a pan. She was dressed in slippers and her housecoat, same as Alan. As she turned around, she smiled at the little boy she'd taken under her wing._

_ "Good morning sweetie, hungry for some breakfast?" Ms. Alexander smiled when Alan nodded his head slowly. "Come on then. Come have a seat while I get you dished up."_

_ Alan moved over slowly and sat on the dictionary that was placed on his seat for him to sit on. He was still really small and could barely see from the low chair so Ms. Alexander had placed a book down for him to sit on to act as a booster seat. He startled slightly when a bowl of oatmeal was placed in front of him._

_ "Tell me when I've put enough of your milk in." Ms. Alexander poured the Lactaid milk into Alan's bowl slowly and only stopped when Alan grunted. She placed a bowl of brown sugar and apple in front of Alan and watched as he added the ingredients to his breakfast. She turned and replaced Alan's carton of milk in the fridge before she grabbed the milk she used._

_ They discovered the source of Alan's tummy aches he complained frequently of throughout his stay in the foster system to be lactose intolerance, so Ms. Alexander bought Alan a lot of non-dairy items so his tummy would quit hurting. Ms. Alexander could still drink regular milk, but she kept a carton of Alan's milk as she called it in her fridge for Alan to have with meals instead of water._

_ "So, what do you say to going to the store with me later and renting a couple movies? We can have a lazy day since it's my day off." Ms. Alexander suggested to the boy she'd taken in._

_ Alan shrugged. He'd been living with Ms. Alexander for the last two weeks, since he'd been discharged from the hospital. He however was forced to stay with Ms. Alexander since the orphanage he'd been staying at refused to take him back since he'd just gotten out of the hospital after recovering from tuberculosis. _

_The last family he lived with, the one in which Ms. Alexander replaced Mr. Avery had lived in a drafty home that had been infected with black mold and all of the kids living there had been admitted with tuberculosis symptoms, Alan and one other had both gotten deathly sick and only got help when one of the few seventeen year old foster kids living with the family mentioned to his school teacher that he and his foster siblings were all sick and none of them were getting better. If anything they were getting worse. That got a call from CPS and the home cleaned out of all seven foster children. It also ensured that Mr. Avery lost his job for having placed all seven of those children with a less than fit foster parent that abused the system._

"_Come on, it'll be fun. We'll get some junk food and movies and just have a pajama day." Ms. Alexander said as she took a sip of her coffee. "Dig in before it gets cold sweetie."_

_Alan did just that and he relished in the fantastic feeling of warm food in his belly. He'd been eating peanut butter sandwiches that his older foster siblings made him since that's all they had. Before long he'd polished off his bowl and short of licking it clean, it was empty. He had a small, barely visible bump under his shirt where his food sat in his stomach, but he didn't care._

… … … … … … …

"_This is your new foster family Alan, they've agreed to take you in." Ms. Alexander said as she kept a gentle hand on Alan's back. "He's a bit shy."_

_Pastor Woods knelt before Alan, looking the quiet child in the eye with warm eyes._

"_Hello Alan…I'm your new foster father…you can call me Pastor Woods." The pastor said softly._

"_Yes sir." Alan spoke softly. His time spent with Ms. Alexander had coaxed Alan into talking again and it just about killed the family when they'd been told of Alan's story and all that he'd been through. The children, Jeremiah, Jeffery and Stacy had all agreed it'd be for the best if Alan came to live with them. Sally was asleep in her playpen when the decision was made and suddenly everyone was meeting the boy who'd become their newest little brother. _

… … … … … … …

Alan exhaled a shaky breath, he found himself curled in a ball on the floor in front of his bedroom door. Looking up at his clock that was still on the wall, Alan found he'd only been up there for twenty minutes or so. Nobody would have noticed he'd had another attack and it'd stay that way if Alan had anything to say about it. Nobody was going to find out about how frequent his attacks were becoming if he had anything to say about it.

Standing up, Alan shakily made his way to the bathroom that adjoined his bedroom. Moving in the bathroom, Alan looked at his ashen reflection in the mirror. A pale Alan with red puffy eyes stared back at him and Alan wiped the heel of his hand across his eyes. He didn't want anyone to know about his attack. He hated it when people hovered over him and as long as he didn't scream, he preferred nobody know what he was going through. Splashing cold water in his face, Alan washed whatever tears stained his face before he turned at a soft knock at his bedroom door.

"Yeah?" Alan asked softly from his bathroom door and tensed slightly when his door opened to reveal Virgil.

"Hey Al. Dad and the Pastor are wondering if you fell in or something." Virgil said, remaining in the doorway of Alan's old bedroom. Once he paused a moment, Virgil looked around Alan's bedroom and exhaled a surprised breath. He felt like he was floating in space. Looking to his left, Virgil observed the planets painted along one of the far walls and shook his head in amazement. "You painted this Al?"

Alan nodded slowly, choosing to remain silent rather than draw attention further to himself.

"This is impressive Sprout. You really are talented." Virgil said as he remained in the hall. "Do you mind if I come in for a moment?"

Alan was quick to shake his head, but he remained in the doorway to his bathroom, so he could shut the door on Virgil if he began feeling uncomfortable at any one time. Virgil however could identify that Alan was feeling boxed in, so he purposefully remained on the furthest side of the room. He walked over and looked at the other planets and stars painted on the wall. As he got closer, Virgil could see that black paint wasn't all that was used to paint the walls, but blue and dark brown.

"If you'd like, sometime after you're out of your walking boot I can come help you and the two of us could paint your bedroom back on the island. It might make you more comfortable than having crème colored walls." Virgil said, actually almost cringing at the color scheme picked out for their bedroom walls back on the island. All the bedroom walls had crème colored walls and it actually tended to blind everyone when the sun reflects off the ocean and refracts back into their bedrooms.

"Maybe." Alan said from the bathroom, before he skirted around Virgil – darting out of his old bedroom and into the hall.

Virgil stood in stunned silence however. Alan had given him a so-so answer, and that was remarkable to the older brother. Alan had actually given a possible answer which told the medic in training that he did want to spend time with his brothers, he was just still getting used to them.

"Maybe what Jeffery said the other day holds true. Patience is a virtue." Shaking his head with a soft smile, Virgil left Alan's bedroom to head down stairs. He'd give Alan all the time he needed. It'd be worth it…Alan though uncomfortable hadn't run for the hills as soon as he saw Virgil.

… … … … … … …

Pastor Woods pushed the stroller as he, Jeff and Alan walked down the sidewalk together. It was warm, despite having been cool earlier and they'd already stopped to get something to drink and get the kids an ice cream.

"So Alan, what do you think of the preparations for the 4th of July?" Pastor Woods asked as he turned to look at Alan. Stifling a chuckle at the chocolate smeared around Alan's mouth. Jeff noticed the pastor's line of sight and he poured some of the water from his bottle on a couple of tissues he'd grabbed after getting Alan an ice cream. Moving in close to Alan, Jeff quickly wiped the ice cream from around Alan's mouth and smiled when his son didn't pull away.

I think it's cool sir." Alan replied in answer to the Pastor's earlier question. Jeff looked over at the pastor who nodded in acceptance of the answer. He didn't seem even the least bit bothered by being called sir. Alan looked around the park to see so many of the town's people hammering on wood getting the stands set up.

"So when it's time for the parade, do you mind going with Sally to pick up some candy?" Pastor Woods asked, knowing that Sally seemed to like the idea of picking up candy. In the time since Alan had left, they'd actually gone to another parade and Sally had been all about picking up candy then.

"No, I don't mind." Alan replied as he continued walking. He made a face and looked sadly at his ice cream cone, before looking at Jeff. "Um, dad?"

Jeff was surprised to hear dad fall from Alan's lips however he was torn from his surprise by the groan from Alan.

"What's the matter son?" Jeff asked, before crouching down in front of Alan.

"My stomach hurts. Do you want the rest of this?" Alan gestured to the remainder of his ice cream cone and Jeff saw Alan clutch at his stomach with a pained grimace. "Please, I don't want anymore."

Jeff went ahead and took the ice cream cone from his son, curious about why Alan was suddenly acting different.

"What's the matter Allie?" Jeff asked when Alan began rubbing his stomach.

"My tummy hurts." Alan replied as he doubled over slightly and crouched down.

"I thought you took your lactose caplet Alan." Pastor Woods said as understanding dawned on him. Looking at the hurting child, Jeff and the Pastor frowned when Alan shook his head. "Well, if you don't mind waiting here with your father and Sally for a few moments, I can go over to the pharmacy to pick up a box for you. It's just across the street."

Alan nodded silently before sitting down in the grass, both arms wrapped around his midsection. When the Pastor left, Jeff took the initiative to sit down next to Alan. Alan groaned at his cramping tummy but didn't say anything. Jeff wordlessly finished the rest of Alan's ice cream and began gently rubbing Alan's back.

"Is your tummy feeling any better son?" Jeff asked as he continued rubbing Alan's back. He frowned only deepened when Alan shook his head once more. "What's the matter kiddo?"

"I'm lactose intolerant. Anything with milk makes my tummy hurt." Alan replied before shifting so he was leaning into Jeff. The father was surprised at Alan's seeking comfort, but he accepted it. Alan did that occasionally, but it'd become incredibly rare. And he mostly tried seeking comfort from John. "Do you mind if I rub your tummy? It used to help you when you were little."

Alan shook his head, before allowing Jeff to pull him into his lap. Once he was settled back against Jeff's chest, a large warm hand was placed over his belly and Jeff began rubbing soothing circles into Alan's tummy.

"How's that feel son?" Jeff asked after a couple minutes of rubbing Alan's tummy.

Alan nodded silently, resting his head back against Jeff's shoulder. His tummy was beginning to feel better and for that he was thankful. He hated it when his tummy hurt. Jeff continued rubbing Alan's tummy, before asking Alan the one question that had been niggling in the back of his mind since getting Alan back.

"Alan, do you mind answering something for me?" Jeff asked hesitantly. At the non-committal noise Alan made, Jeff went ahead and asked the question on his mind. "Why exactly do you call myself and the Pastor…sir?"

Alan stiffened up but stayed quiet. He refused to answer and Jeff could almost sense the question and fear in the air surrounding him and Alan.

"I swear I won't get mad by your answer Al. I'm just curious about why you don't call me dad or Pastor Woods, Pastor." Jeff said, aware that Alan was still as stiff as a board in his arms.

"Do you promise?" Alan asked, his voice as quiet as a mouse, literally. Jeff barely heard Alan.

"Yes Alan, I promise. I would never go back on my promises." Jeff said as he continued rubbing Alan's tummy slowly – soothingly.

"All the other…people that became my…my uh…my…foster parents, none of them liked me calling them mom…or dad. They made me call them sir or madam…or ma'am." Alan explained, sitting up slightly to fiddle with his fingers as he explained. "A…a few times that I called them dad mainly…I got slapped or hit…sometimes I wasn't permitted to have dinner or breakfast as punishment."

Jeff felt his blood pressure rise at Alan's admittance. His little boy was punished for calling his foster parents dad or mom? What in the hell was wrong with these people? Counting down to ten, Jeff continued listening as Alan continued explaining.

"Once I got my butt spanked for calling him dad, it was embarrassing." Alan said as his voice hitched. Jeff could hear the tears in Alan's voice and he wondered how it was embarrassing.

"How was it embarrassing Al?" Jeff asked as he switched from rubbing Alan's tummy to carding his fingers through Alan's hair.

"It was Thanksgiving, I was nine…my foster…sir asked me to pass the cranberry jelly. I said yes, but instead of calling him sir I called him dad." Alan explained, tears beginning to drip down his face. "He stood up, grabbed me from my chair and while yelling at me for calling him dad, not sir…he pulled my pants and underwear down and laid me over his knee and spanked me right at the table…in front of everyone."

Jeff shook his head in disbelief before pulling Alan into his chest, turning the boy so he could hide his face and just cry.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry Alan. I would never do that to you. The pastor would never do that to you." Jeff felt lost. He didn't know how he could help his son get over his fear that someone would hurt him should he call them anything other than sir. "Please, only call me dad if you are comfortable with it. I don't…don't want you to fear me or my reaction should you call me sir or dad."

Alan nodded slowly, sniffling before pulling away to look at his father. Jeff cupped his face with both hands and used his thumbs to brush the fallen tears away. When Alan met his father's eyes, he could see the hurt and understanding in his father's eyes and it made the fear ebb away slightly. He leaned in for a hug and Jeff gladly hugged him back.

"Thank you…dad." Alan said, testing the ability to call his dad the true name of his father rather than sir and he relaxed when he didn't feel the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge.

"Alright I'm back. I got your lactose caplets from the pharmacy Alan and I got you a water to wash them down." Pastor Woods returned about that time and stilled as he saw the warm embrace Alan and Jeff were in. He could see that Alan had been crying…but he was amazed that Alan had so readily turned to Jeff for comfort.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So here is what I have done so far for this story. Between my classes loading on a bunch of homework, I haven't had much time to write, but that's not a problem. I just write a little before bed. Anyway, as for Alan later on in the chapter with his tummy ache I was basing that on personal experience. I don't know how lactose intolerance effects others but I just had to add a little hurt and comfort and couldn't think of any other way than to make Alan feel poorly so he had to seek comfort. **_

_**Thank you so much for the poll votes, I think I have a pretty good idea as to how to continue the story, now to just get it typed. And just because I have already closed the poll, doesn't mean you can't still vote if you haven't already. Just shoot me a PM and I'll consider your vote in. I am still working on Rising From The Ashes, but a new muse came to mind for an SPN story and though not much has been put into it, I've been chipping away at several stories when I have the time.**_

_**Hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to reviews. They make me smile! =)**_

_**~Angel~**_


	15. Jumping To Conclusions

After an hour working on a trust exercise with Jeff and Alan, Pastor Woods decided to call it a night for the time being. Alan was becoming grumpy and Sally was fussing because she wanted dinner. Pastor Woods loaded Stacy in her stroller, giving the toddler the binky she insisted on sucking on even if she was teething at the time. Turning to Jeff and Alan he heaved a sigh when he saw Alan's furrowed brow and crossed arms.

"Okay, Sally's ready to go…why don't we head on back shall we?" Pastor Woods said as he stood from his kneel and began pushing the stroller.

Jeff let Pastor Woods lead the group as he decided he'd bring up the rear and he walked a couple paces behind Alan. His son, if his grandmother saw him would have a hissy fit over his clothes carrying so many grass stains. The mine field activity probably would have worked better if Jeff had been better about guiding Alan around the objects using verbal clues than to tell Alan to follow the sound of his voice. That was probably why Alan was grumpy now because of his near constant spills to the ground and being laughed at by Sally who'd clapped her hands each time Alan fell.

"How's your ankle feeling Alan?" Jeff asked in a placating manner, not wanting to upset his son at all.

"It's great." Alan replied sharply.

"Would you like me to give you a ride on my back so you don't make your ankle more sore than it is now?" Jeff asked, offering his assistance should his son need or desire it.

"No…I'm fine." Alan said, voice still sharp.

"Okay, well the offer is still open if you change your mind." Jeff replied softly, knowing his son was angry at him for not properly guiding him around the objects in the park.

Alan made a hum noise before he continued walking. The group walked a few more blocks when it became apparent that Alan's ankle was bothering him again. Alan had slowed considerably and had fallen behind. Jeff and Pastor Woods stopped to wait on Alan to catch up and when Jeff saw Alan favoring his bad foot, Jeff took initiative as the parent and scooped up Alan.

"Hey!" Alan cried indignantly when he was lifted from the ground. "Put me down!"

"No Alan…your ankle is bothering you and I can see that it is. Don't deny it." Jeff said sternly as he shifted Alan to his hip like a small child (which in truth he was still pretty little for an eleven year old). "Look, we've got a few more blocks left. There isn't a reason you or I need to ignore your ankle and make your night miserable because of the pain. Please just let me help you."

Alan looked away in displeasure. He didn't like being treated like a baby and he felt like one with his father carrying him. However, he had to admit that it was kind of nice to not have to bear weight on his bad foot when he'd been doing it all day or since they'd gotten to the park earlier. Relaxing against his father's shoulders, Alan felt his eyes growing heavy and he tried earnestly to stay awake. It seemed like his eyes had only just closed when the next thing he knew he waking up on the couch in the Pastor's living room. Looking around in surprise he glimpsed up through his bangs and saw his father with his back turned. Jeff it seemed had just placed Alan on the couch and an afghan was draped over him.

Inhaling, Alan looked around to notice everybody doing some form of quiet activity. Gordon was playing a card game with Jeremiah and Jeffery, Stacy was reading in the loveseat, Ms. Woods was crocheting, Scott was watching TV with John, Virgil was drawing and Pastor Woods and his father were talking in hushed tones. Sitting up slowly, Alan gazed around and saw Sally playing in her play pen with her blocks.

"What time is it?" Alan asked, while rubbing his eyes tiredly. All eyes looked up and gazed at Alan.

"Hey, you're awake." Scott said as he muted the TV to pay attention to Alan. "How'd you sleep?"

Alan yawned about that time and rubbed groggily at his eyes again. He had to stop and assess how he'd slept. To be honest he didn't know if it was possible for him to sleep good these days. His nights were always plagued with nightmares and night terrors making him jump in the night and scream at all hours of the night. Slumping back down on the couch, Alan nodded slowly.

"I slept okay." Alan replied, as he tried to decide whether or not he wanted to go back to sleep.

"You were hard core asleep Bean. Our dads came back with you and Sally a few hours ago. You slept through dinner." Jeffery said as he laid his cards face down on the coffee table.

"I guess I was more tired than normal." Alan replied before he sat up and threw back the afghan. "I'll be right back."

Alan stood up and wobbled when he noticed he wasn't wearing his walking boot. Lifting his bad foot up, Alan hopped on one leg to the staircase, before holding the railing and hopping up the steps one hop after one hop. When he reached the landing, Alan hopped down the hall until he reached the restroom. Hopping into the room, Alan shut and locked the door before peeling back his shirt.

His back was burning and he couldn't explain it. Turning around to look in the mirror, Alan noticed his scars were stretched tight across his back. He bit his lip as he realized the problem, but didn't wish to go find someone to correct it for him. Looking around, Alan spotted a bottle of shea butter lotion that Ms. Woods had always used for him and he grabbed it from the counter.

Squirting a small handful in his palm, Alan reached around behind him and attempted to rub the lotion into his skin. It was hard trying to reach the middle of his back, but he managed. Rubbing the lotion in good, Alan heaved a great sigh as he felt the pain receding. He knew it. He'd gotten so used to Ms. Woods rubbing lotion into his back every night that after going several weeks without it, his skin would be dry - stretching painfully where the scars stretched just as angrily as the stretch marks from his increasing height.

Replacing his shirt, Alan made quick work of washing the residual lotion from his hands before hopping on one foot back down the hall and downstairs to rejoin his family and ex-foster family.

"Hey Sprout, we were beginning to wonder if you'd fallen in or something." Gordon commented at Alan's reappearance. Alan wrinkled his nose in a sneer at Gordon before moving to squeeze in the loveseat beside Stacy to look over her shoulder at what she was reading. Stacy wiggled and readjusted before slinging an arm over Alan's shoulder and drawing him in close enough for him to lean his head against her shoulder.

John glared in Stacy's direction, but didn't say anything. He didn't want to upset Alan. That wasn't the reason they'd come here. It was to help Alan try to familiarize himself with his family again. Scott nudged John to redirect John's attention on the TV before he whispered low to John.

"_Calm down. You're getting mad won't be of help to Alan at all."_ Scott whispered before straightening up, acting like he hadn't just leaned down to talk to his brother. John looked back toward the television, feeling jealousy simmering like it was on a stove on low heat. He hoped the feelings would go away soon, because he didn't want to make an ass of himself or scare his brother.

… … … … … … …

An hour later found the family outside playing with sparklers and a few little fountain fireworks. It was the week before the Fourth of July and the authorities were always a little lenient around that time and would often allow locals to play with the explosive and flammable fireworks.

Alan grinned as Jeffery held his hand, showing Alan how to write his name in the smoke of the sparkler he held. The green glow of the firework illuminated the boy's faces in the darkness.

"Hey Sprout, can I light my sparkler off of yours?" Gordon asked as he approached. He smiled in thanks when Alan held his own sparkler out for Gordon to light his sparkler from. Both boys continued writing in cursive with the smoke as Pastor and Ms. Woods sat on the back porch with Jeff and Scott.

"I forgot how much fun playing with fireworks could be." Scott said as he watched his younger brothers play out in the yard with Alan and the other foster kids. He grinned as he watched Alan create a smiley face in the smoke before his sparkler died and Alan hurried as fast as he could away from the smoke to get some fresh air. Scott stepped off the porch to join his younger brother when Alan started digging through the supply of fireworks in search of something that would have an impressive display. "Hey kiddo, having fun?"

"Yeah!" Alan replied excitedly as he selected a firework titled Cuckoo. He handed the firework to Scott who went out into the yard a short way and crouched to light it off. When the fuse had been lit, Scott hurried back to Alan and held his little brother to his chest as they watched the colorful lights fire off into the sky, a loud squealing sound emitting from the firework, making Alan cover his ears. "It's too loud."

Scott had to admit, it was pretty loud, but it died almost immediately and when it was done, Pastor Woods called it a night.

"Alright kids, lets pack up the fireworks for now. They'll still be there tomorrow."

"But dad!" Stacy, Jeffery and Jeremiah whined after their sparklers died.

"No buts, it's about time you all got on to bed. We have bible study tomorrow afternoon with St. Gabriel's church." Pastor Woods said before gesturing to the kids to file into the house and prepare for bed.

Alan went to follow Jeffery, Jeremiah and Stacy inside since he'd always been asked to attend the bible study, but John stopped him.

"Hey kiddo, you don't have to go to bed. We're here visiting. You don't have to go to the bible study tomorrow if you don't want to." John said as he placed a hand on Alan's shoulder. Alan took a step back before smiling slightly at John.

"I want to go though. It's always fun for me and the others because we get to play games while the adults have to study the bible." Alan turned away and hurried back into the house and gingerly taking the steps upstairs to get ready for bed. John stood there dumbfounded as he stared where his little brother had once stood.

"Come on John, we should probably head on to bed too. Pastor Woods invited us along and I agreed." Jeff said before pushing John in the house and upstairs to the guest room. The lights went out one by one, and the house quieted as everyone settle into their beds.

… … … … … … …

Scott tugged at his collar uncomfortably as he stood among the congregation in the church. He was not used to wearing a pressed dress shirt or for that matter a tie. His eyes traveled to the front of the church where Alan and a bunch of other kids his age could be seen in another room. They all had their heads bowed as they played what appeared to be heads up seven up.

Meanwhile, Alan focused on not laughing as he and the other kids tried not to reveal who had the prize whilst playing a round of heads up seven up. When one of the kids found the prize the church teacher stood up before suggesting they play another game. This time though would be a game of musical chairs with a twist. Instead of the teacher playing music over a boom box, she selected a few children to sing Down to the River to Pray.

Alan happened to be one of those children. He stood up with the group of kids selected and began singing the familiar song. What he hadn't been expecting was for the Pastor at St. Gabriel's church to enter the room and asking the children that were singing to come in and sing for the gathered congregation. Alan suddenly wished he hadn't been selected but couldn't do anything about it.

He and the children that had been singing re-entered the main hall and stood at the front of the church. Alan could see his father and brothers; he could see the Pastor, Ms. Woods, Jeremiah, Jeffery and Stacy all in the congregation watching him. Stacy, Jeremiah and Jeffery grinned at him and nodded at him to go with it. Alan looked at the teacher who gestured for him to start.

Closing his eyes, Alan began singing. One by one, the other children joined him in singing. Alan soon opened his eyes when he heard a familiar voice begin singing and he looked out to see Virgil singing along. Virgil's eyes looked watery as he sang along, but he didn't stop as he smiled at his little brother. Alan relaxed when everybody in the congregation joined them in singing. It took the edge off as he was no longer the center of attention. When the song was close to ending, everyone accept Virgil and Alan quit singing.

"… show me the way."

Alan heaved a sigh when the song was over. Everyone in the congregation clapped for the children that sang and soon bible study was over and everyone began to get ready to leave.

"Young man, you are by far one of the best singers I've heard in a long time. I'd like to invite you to come and sing the national anthem at the start of the fair." The Pastor of St. Gabriel's church said as he shook hands with Alan. The blonde hid behind Virgil when it came time for him to talk to the pastor. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Alan refused to speak. He held onto the shirt tail of Virgil's dress shirt that had come untucked. Virgil grinned at the pastor and spoke for his little brother, knowing he was shy around strangers.

"That's a kind offer for you to make, but I don't know how my brother would feel getting up in front of a crowd to sing." Virgil said as he reached behind him to give Alan his hand. Alan let go of the shirt tails and grappled onto Virgil's hand instead but continued his silence.

"I understand, if your brother changes his mind though please let his foster father know and he can get ahold of me. I'm afraid the person we had lined up to perform the opening song cancelled at the last minute and I'm trying to find someone to fill in. Your brother would be perfect." St. Gabriel's pastor said before shaking both Alan and Virgil's hands and departing to talk to another church goer.

… … … … … … …

Alan sat on the back porch of the pastor's house and swung his legs dejectedly. His dad had been busy on the phone for the last hour and he'd promised to take Alan to the park to continue their trust exercise. An hour and a half ago. '_This call will only be a few minutes he said_', Alan ran over the words in his head. "Seems longer than a few minutes."

"Talking to yourself is a good way to make people believe you're crazy Bean." Alan glared over his shoulder at Jeremiah. The older boy stood holding a glass of iced sweet tea. He walked over and set it down beside Alan. "Mom asked me to bring this to you. She said you need to stay hydrated especially in this heat."

"Thanks." Alan replied sullenly. He wasn't interested in drinking anything at the moment. He was bummed out at present.

"What's wrong Bean?" Jeremiah moved over to sit beside Alan, his back braced against one of the support beams.

"Nothing." Alan replied, before staring dejectedly back at the ground.

"And I call bull. You're down in the dumps. Now spill." Jeremiah said as he nudged Alan's hip with the tip of his bare foot. The younger boy just sighed before speaking.

"Do you think I'll ever get better?" Alan asked the question that was weighing heavy on his mind.

"Get better how?" Jeremiah asked for clarification. There was a lot that Alan could get better at, but this was something Jeremiah needed a little background on if he was going to properly diagnose the problem.

"Do you think I'll ever be comfortable around my family?" Alan asked as he let his head hang further down. "I mean, I feel more comfortable around you guys than them and I feel like that makes me a terrible person."

"It doesn't make you a terrible person Bean. You've known us longer than your family. We had six or more months to gain your trust after those sick bastards that came before us. Give it time." Jeremiah said as he was easily able to distinguish the source of Alan's melancholy. "Try to focus on something else and the trust will come to you. If you try too hard to trust them, it'll only blow up in your face and that's not what you want."

Alan nodded solemnly as he received his answer.

"Why don't you take the Pastor of St. Gabriel's up on his offer? It'll give you something else to focus on and maybe you'll begin to trust your family with one of your abilities. Let them hear you sing and don't hide it." Jeremiah suggested as he sat up a little straighter. "That can be the first step in trusting them. Give them the gift of your voice and entrust the knowledge with them."

"Huh?" Alan asked, slightly confused. "How will that help me?"

"It will give you something else to focus on and then you are letting your family hear you sing without you hiding it from them. That way you aren't handing them your heart, but you are entrusting your god given abilities in their hands." Jeremiah said with a grin. "Come on, I'll help you. Let's go over to the church and I'll grab my phone so I can pull up the lyrics for you."

"Do you mind if I play the piano for you Sprout?" Virgil asked as he stepped out onto the porch, his head bowed in embarrassment for having given himself away for eavesdropping on his little brother and Jeremiah.

Alan looked up at Virgil, but shook his head before letting Virgil and Jeremiah both give him a hand up. Together the three of them made their way out of the yard and over to the church next door.

… … … … … … …

Virgil's fingers flew over the keys as he played the chords for the national anthem. He ignored Alan at his request but took notice how his little brother took his cues from Jeremiah. The older boy gestured at Alan to begin singing while staying on key. Alan held Virgil's cell phone as he read the lyrics from the webpage Virgil pulled up.

When Alan finished singing he heaved a deep breath. It was a lot of work practicing a song and he hadn't known it'd be this taxing. He looked back at Virgil and blushed when Virgil clapped for him.

"You are an amazing singer Alan. You certainly got mom's ability to sing there's no doubt about that." Virgil sent Alan a kudos before he looked back at his brother. "Want to call it good for now or do you want to go one more time?"

"I think I should call it good for now. My throat is starting to hurt." Alan said as he rubbed his throat tenderly.

"Yeah, I think you might have overdone it. We'd better get you in and some warm salt water for you to gargle." Jeremiah said as he clapped Alan on the shoulder. "Can't let anyone know about our top secret project now can we?"

Virgil stood up too and together he, Alan and Jeremiah made their way back over to the Pastor's house. They were unaware that they'd lost track of time and had been away for more than an hour. When they returned John stormed off the porch and grabbed Alan up in a hug.

"There you are! You had us all worried!" John said indignantly before pulling back from Alan to gaze into his eyes. "You're not hurt are you?"

Alan shook his head, not understanding why John was so worried. He hadn't been gone that long…had he? He tried pulling back from John, but found that he was met with resistance from the older blonde.

"Where are you going? We've just spent well over two hours looking all over the place for you!" John admonished sharply as he tightened his grip on his brother's arms. Alan struggled, his breathing picking up as he began to panic. His little hands started grappling onto John's, trying to find some purchase to make John release him. Virgil and Jeremiah were both at a loss until Alan whimpered audibly.

"Let go of him! Can't you see you're scaring him?!" Jeremiah raised his voice at John, utilizing one of the few self-defense moves he knew and he struck John in the side of the neck with the side of his hand. The result was almost instantaneous and John recoiled from the attack. Alan was released and he dropped onto his butt on the hard unforgiving ground, before crab walking away hurriedly and scrambling to his feet. Jeremiah ran after Alan and both boys fled around the side of the house and into the backyard leaving Virgil and John alone. Virgil was angry beyond belief that John had just done what he'd done.

"How could you?!" Virgil asked, his teeth gritted as he felt the rage bubbling close to the breaking point. "You didn't even give him a chance to explain!"

"You say that like you know what he was doing." John said lowly as he rubbed his neck where Jeremiah hit him.

"I do know what he was doing! Did it even occur to you to call or text me?" Virgil asked as he continued to restrain his temper.

"Why? It's not like he was with you! He doesn't trust any of us!" John yelled.

"That's where you're wrong John. He was with me. He and Jeremiah both were with me." Virgil said, his eyes alight with rage. "Did you even stop to think that maybe three members in the house were gone and not just Alan? You didn't, did you? You automatically jumped to conclusions and now you've destroyed any progress that's been made! Did you even see how scared Alan was just now?! Well? Did you?!"

John paused as he looked around for Alan and failed to see him. "Where is he?"

"Gone! You scared him! I made Jeremiah take Alan somewhere that he'd feel safe until you cooled it! If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at me! I was only bonding with my baby brother!" Virgil yelled. He was ridiculously angry at John.

… … … … … … …

Alan lay curled in a ball on the floor of the Woods family treehouse. Jeremiah sat beside him, quietly trying to calm Alan. The younger blonde had run to the treehouse the moment he'd been freed from John's tight grip and he rubbed his arm tenderly. Jeremiah had half a mind to head down out of the treehouse and give John a taste of his own medicine, especially when he glimpsed the handprints bruised onto Alan's delicate and thin arms.

"I'm sorry Bean, if I had known this would be the reaction to you, me and your brother going to work on that song; I'd never have suggested it." Jeremiah said as he tried to not hear Alan's pitiful hiccups. He placed a gentle hand on Alan's shoulder, but pulled back when he felt Alan's tiny body shiver almost in revulsion to being touched. Gripping the afghan that Ms. Woods had crocheted and given to the boys for their treehouse, Jeremiah draped it over Alan and quickly tucked it around the younger boy. It was apparent that he was in shock.

Jeremiah and Alan both started when there was a knock on the trap door of the tree house floor on the side furthest from Alan. Jeremiah crept over to the door and knocked secretly back. He heard the answering knock which was the rest of the secret code. Leaning down to the floor, Jeremiah asked.

"What the password?"

A muffled response was all he got but he understood the password for what it was.

"_Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana."_

Jeremiah opened the trap door after hearing the secret password and he smiled down at his younger brother. He took the basket off of Jeffery's arm before helping his brother into the spacious treehouse.

"So what's going on?" Jeremiah asked as he resealed the trap door, not wanting anyone to sneak in when he and Alan wanted to be alone.

"Well for one, it's probably for the best that Alan is out here instead of in the house." Jeffery said as he began digging around in the basket. He pulled out a thermos and a couple of cups, before pouring apple juice from the thermos. "Our dad and Alan's dad are both giving John what for and trust me, it's not exactly quiet."

Alan whimpered slightly, and Jeremiah shoulder checked his younger brother. "Gee thanks, I just got him calmed down ya ninny."

"Sorry, just thought I should explain that Alan is safer out here than in there." Jeffery said as he unearthed a couple plates and a dish from the inside of the basket. "Mom asked me to bring you and Alan some supper. She saw you run back here."

Jeffery removed the lid from the dish and used one of the forks to remove the portions of tuna casserole from the crockery before placing them on plates and giving them to the two boys that had taken refuge in the tree house.

"Eat up, mom expects me to bring back an empty thermos and dirty dishes." Jeffery said as he used the fork to spear a small bit from Alan's plate before holding the fork to his mouth. "Come on kiddo, you need to eat."

"Not hungry." Alan mumbled.

"I know that, but you need to eat, regardless if it comes back up later. Open up for the choo-choo train." Jeffery said as he lightly touched the forkful of food to Alan's mouth once more. This time Alan opened his mouth allowing Jeffery to put the food in his mouth. Once Alan swallowed, Jeffery held up one of the glasses with apple juice and a straw he'd snagged from the kitchen before making Alan drink. "There you go Bean."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: So there you have it, yet another riveting chapter in Alan's struggle to reconnect with his family. As a suggestion from one of my wonderful readers, there will be a bit more detail in the next chapter on how/why Pastor Woods began fostering and how Alan fits into that mold. Unfortunately, like Virgil accuses John of - has all the progress they've made with Alan all been for naught with John jumping to conclusions over Alan disappearance? Find out soon in the following chapters._**

**_Also for any of those TB and SPN fans that follow my stories, in case you didn't receive any notification (because FF just hates me like that), I did write a short possible oneshot titled Talking to The Moon. Unfortunately because of the FF glitch my story didn't appear on the feed of recent updates just like this story does on occasions, so if you want to read Talking to The Moon, you have to locate it on my page._**

**_Also, how many of you that have read my story Camping Trip Gone Wrong felt it was unfinished or would like to see more chronicling the aftermath of Alan's discovery. If you want to see more, let me know and I'll see about setting to work on it in between my other stories - I'm always open to suggestions._**

**_Thank you to everyone who reads this and I hope you all are enjoying this story as much as I am enjoying writing it._**

**_~Angel~_**


	16. The Why's Of His Past

"John there's a difference between scolding and admonishing. You can't just storm out and scold Alan without knowing the full story." Jeff said as he looked at his second eldest with a disapproving gaze.

"But dad, he left. He went off, no note, bedroom empty. I thought he'd run away!" John tried defending his action but sagged under the weight of the pastor's own stern gaze.

"John, I know that you worry about your brother. But what if I told you that you pushing Alan will only damage your relationship instead of healing it? You need to let him breathe and grow into his own person." Pastor Woods tried to reason calmly since the yelling hadn't done anything except upset Sally and make Jeffery storm outside with muttered words that he was going to the fortress to evade the yelling.

"I'm not pushing…am I?" John seemed to settle down at that and appeared to be listening to reason.

"John, I know we've never mentioned this to you. But you need to lighten up a little on Alan, I can see the glares you direct at my children and I don't take kindly toward any hostility directed at my family. That includes Alan." Pastor Woods said, taking stance of the supposed pack leader.

"What did you never mention to me Pastor?" John asked, short temper making his words come out sharp.

"God forgive me." Pastor Woods whispered to the heavens before sinking down in his seat. He gestured to the rest of the family and he didn't hesitate to allow Stacy to snuggle in his arms. She was his daughter and he didn't see a problem with her seeking comfort from him. "Do you know why Alan was placed with this family?"

"Because he needed a family to be placed with?" John took a stab in the dark as it occurred to him that he didn't know the true reason behind Alan being placed with the Woods family.

"Wrong, John." Pastor Woods said as his eyes trailed off to gaze at a picture on the fireplace mantel. "When I was in my early twenties, I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy. He was my pride and joy. I thought he and his mother and I were happy especially after his sister was born. When he was ten, it was revealed by his younger sister that someone at a friend's house had been doing something unthinkable to my son. When he was twelve, he found out that he hadn't been the only one and he'd gotten sick."

Pastor Woods paused for a moment before continuing on.

"His mother and I got a divorce, because I found out she'd been having an affair with this friend's uncle who also happened to be abusing my son. Never my daughter. It was always my son. I got custody of both my son and my daughter and I moved them upstate to get them away from that monster that dared hurt my little boy." The Pastor paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "I got a phone call at work from my daughter who was eleven at the time, saying that she couldn't wake her brother up and he was lying on the bathroom floor. Needless to say I instructed her to use his cell phone and call 911 and get an ambulance there to help him and that I'd meet them at the hospital."

Ms. Woods laid a gentle hand on her husband's shoulder as if giving him the strength to continue on with his tale.

"When I arrived at the hospital, I found out my thirteen year old son had taken a cocktail of medications easily obtained from a medicine cabinet. Including his depression and bipolar medications. They had to pump his stomach to get the drugs from his system and by the grace of God he woke up a few days later, confused over why he was still alive. Needless to say that he'd attempted to kill himself because of the abuse he'd suffered."

Ms. Woods picked up there and continued on with the story. "Thayne never was the same after his suicide attempt, but he made a concerted effort to get better and understand just why he'd been abused and how he could make it so the thoughts of the abuse didn't consume his life like it had done previous. He got better, went off to college and got his degree in Psychology. Now he's a child abuse counselor because he can easily relate to the victims of the abuse and the feelings that linger."

"Why are you telling us this?" Gordon asked as he sat in practically stunned silence.

"Because you need to know that it was because of Thayne, the abuse he endured, the suicide attempt and the change in his life that made me want to begin taking in fosters that were like him. Thayne was all for it and he was always the one that was easily able to connect with the kids that walked through my door. He knew what it was like to be abused and he knew that hopeless feeling that led to him trying to take his own life."

"I don't understand…" John started to say as if the idea had just slapped him upside the head. "You're not saying…"

"I am. I take in abused and suicidal foster children. I try to help them find peace and understanding with teachings of God and ways to vent their feelings and frustrations. Four of the said foster children have all gotten attached to us all and my wife and I are currently in the process of adopting the four of them so that they are no longer wards of the state."

"But Sally is just a baby she can't be suicidal." Scott said as he noticed Sally stirring in Ms. Woods arms.

"True, she is just a baby. But kids of all ages can be abuse victims. Sadly Sally is one of the few young ones we get that survive the abuse and don't seem to notice it growing up." Pastor Woods said as he gazed lovingly at Sally.

"So wait, are you telling me that Alan…my baby brother is…was suicidal?" Scott asked incredulously.

"I am. It's unfortunate, but just as I said kids of all ages can be abused. Kids practically of all ages can make the decision to no longer live. Alan is sadly one of those that made the decision to try to stop his pain and found it didn't work." Pastor Woods said, slowly…sadly.

"How?" John asked, shocked at the sound of his barely heard voice.

"Same way as Thayne. He tried to take a full bottle of aspirin and was found unconscious on the bathroom floor next to the empty aspirin bottle. Almost half of it had digested according to Alan's medical history and aside from his stomach being pumped, the hospital forced liquid charcoal into Alan's stomach to neutralize the compounds of the aspirin and try to bring Alan back to awareness."

"Was this before or after the abuse by the Newton family?" Virgil asked, wanting to know about whether that particular case of abuse had been the catalyst for Alan's suicide attempt.

"Immediately after I'm afraid. Alan was never given closure for the abuse he suffered and that coupled with being placed with family after family pushed him to the edge. He'd been placed with a new family and had lived with them for two months before he was rushed to the hospital following his suicide attempt. After that, Alan was just placed with any random family that wanted to tolerate him, or better yet take him on just so they could get the money from the state." Pastor Woods replied, sympathetically. "It wasn't until Alan was taken from one of his last abusive foster homes by Ms. Alexander to the hospital to be treated for tuberculosis."

"Tuberculosis?!" Virgil yelped.

"Yes, Alan and several other children had contracted the illness because the house they were living in was infested with black mold. Alan truly was living in squalor." Pastor Woods said. "It was only because one of Alan's foster siblings told a trusted adult at his school that he and the others were sick and had been for some time that a welfare check was warranted. A sheriff showed up, saw the condition the children were in and called for back up to get them to safety."

"How bad off were they?" Scott asked as chills raced up his back at the knowledge of how lucky Alan was to still be alive.

"Alan and one little girl were the worst of the bunch. Alan because he was coughing up blood, the little girl because her temperature was so high she kept going into febrile seizures. Alan was the luckier of the two. He survived his ordeal. His foster sister, she on the other hand fell into a coma because her temperature literally fried her brain. The state mandated she be taken off of life support a week after being admitted."

The family was taken aback at the news. Virgil asked the one question that kept niggling in the back of his mind. "What happened to the others?"

"Well after the girl passed away, the older kids who were all under the care of the same man, Mr. Avery petitioned the courts to either emancipate them or give them to a new care worker who would actually take care of them. That's when Ms. Alexander came on board. Ms. Alexander god bless her, she paid for the little girl's cremation and memorial in full. Took Alan and all the children that were with the girl to release her ashes in a place she always loved and cared for the children to the best of her ability until they either were old enough to leave the system or were placed in proper homes that would care for them properly." Pastor Woods said as he heaved a sigh. "Ms. Alexander was an angel in disguise for all of those children and to this day she still cares for the children as if they were her own."

"So after Alan's first suicide attempt, did he continue or was he able to get the help he needed?" John asked timidly.

"He tried one other time, when he was living with Ms. Alexander at her home. But she caught him before he was too far off and forced him to vomit the pain medications he was taking at the time. She caught him in the act and forced her fingers down his throat to make him sick. According to Ms. Alexander the pain medications he was taking and the number of pills he'd ingested had been more than the recommended amount and most assuredly done the trick to end his suffering. That's when he was placed with me and my family. It was about a week after his second failed attempt at committing suicide and he was labeled as troubled or at risk in his file."

"What does that mean? Troubled or at risk?" Gordon asked as he worried one of the brackets of his braces with his tongue.

"It's certainly not a good thing for those with the label. Usually the children labeled as such are given a second chance to get better. If they don't they slip through the cracks of our foster system. Nobody knows what happens to them after that. Some of them run away, some of them succeed in their suicide attempts, others get involved in drug and sex trafficking. Sometimes there's a change for the better. Sometimes they leave, and get their lives on track, return to school, graduate from school and become proper members of society." Ms. Woods took over in explanation.

"So has Alan gotten better since being in your care as far as you can tell?" Jeff asked, wanting to know if he should invest in a psychologist to take Alan to or not. He didn't know what he'd do if his youngest tried committing suicide after returning to their lives. Probably follow his son to the grave, he didn't know if he could survive any of his children trying to commit suicide.

"Yes, he became involved in the church. Volunteered to help out at the rec center despite his age and sometimes he was used by the foster system to get other abuse victims to talk and divulge what they endured at the hands of their abuser." Pastor Woods went on to talk. "He's a bright young man and I can see he's got a god given talent to help others when in need.

"So he's like a secret agent?" Gordon asked, a small smile playing on his face.

"I suppose you could think of him as one. When he was used by the foster system to talk to other abuse victims, half the time they were all his age or younger. Having another child to talk to made it easier to talk about things rather than with an adult. Children can relate easier with other children, you see? Adults though older, don't always understand children and think they know what's best even if they don't follow through."

"So what about when he was rescued from Ray? What happened to that boy?" John asked. He needed to know.

"Nobody knows. He was never placed in foster care and he emancipated himself from what I can tell and drifted with the winds. Nobody's heard from him as far as I can tell." Pastor Woods said before clapping his hands on his knees. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go see if I can get the boys to come in now that tempers have calmed."

… … … … … … …

Jeremiah and Jeffery sat side by side with Alan settled between them. The afghan was tucked around him comfortably as he slumbered peacefully nestled between the two older boys. Jeffery heard a knock on the trap door and he gently shifted Alan from his shoulder to go check on who was at their door. Slinking over carefully, Jeffery asked who it was and only opened the trap door when a second knock sounded.

"Thanks dad." Jeffery said as he accepted a couple of sleeping bags from the pastor. "I think we'll be up here all night. Bean didn't feel comfortable coming down, so we got him settled.

"Okay, just be sure to help him down when he wants to come in. We don't want another accident like last time. Okay son?" Pastor Woods said as he waved at his son and retreated down the ladder and returning back inside. Jeffery closed the trap door and replaced the throw rug over top of it before unrolling the sleeping bags. Jeremiah helped him to place Alan in the sleeping bag before settling in his own. Jeffery settled in his own, before lighting the lantern to keep the tree house illuminated for Alan. It wasn't anybody's fault that Alan was still afraid of the dark.

With that, all three boys settled and fell into sleep. It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning that Jeffery and Jeremiah were woken up by Alan. The kid was whimpering in his sleep and didn't seem to be calming any time soon. The two older boys climbed out of their sleeping bags and moved over to Alan. Jeremiah checked his watch and frowned when he saw that it was three in the morning. He and Jeffery both murmured soothingly at Alan and were finally able to awaken the younger boy. Alan laid there, his head resting on Jeffery's lap, when he suddenly sat up.

"Hey where's the fire Bean?" Jeremiah asked.

"There's no fire, I just got to go." Alan said as he slid over the floor and began opening the door to the treehouse.

"Well if you mean what I think you mean, then you're plain out of luck. Someone locked the doors and we're stuck out here until mom or dad wake up to unlock the door." Jeremiah said as he cast a sympathetic look at the boy. "Believe you me. I had to also and when I went down to go inside I checked all the doors, they're all locked."

Alan groaned pitifully and bit his lip. "Can't you call them? I really got to go!"

"Sorry Bean, if you don't think you can hold it another four hours I can always get you a bottle from the recycle bin in the garage." Jeffery offered.

"So the garage is open, but the door leading into the house is locked? Please tell me how that makes sense." Alan groused. "No I am not using a bottle, that's disgusting!"

"Hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and it isn't always pleasant." Jeremiah said. "I would say just climb down and hide behind the tree, but I doubt you'd do that either."

"Well, you've got that correct." Alan replied indignantly as he bit his lip. He made up his mind and decided he'd try to hold it the remaining four hours, but he doubted he'd be able to. Thirty minutes passed and both older boys were sat up with Alan, trying to make sure he wouldn't need help climbing down if he decided he couldn't hold it any longer. "Would you stop staring at me?"

"We're not staring at you, we're keeping an eye on you." Jeremiah said. "I think I'm going to go down to get you a bottle. You've been squirming and I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"I'm not going in a bottle. I had to do that enough when I lived with the others. Please don't make me." Alan replied, begging slightly.

"Bean, I can understand you not wanting to go in a bottle. But you are going to wind up hurting yourself if you try to continue holding. If you don't want to hide behind the tree then go hide behind the garage, but don't hurt yourself by not going when you know you gotta." Jeffery reasoned. "Let me or Jer help you down so you can go."

"Fine." Alan replied indignantly as he put his shoe on before allowing Jeremiah and Jeffery to help him down and out of the tree house. The twins helped guide Alan over to the garage in the pre-morning darkness and then left Alan to do what he needed to. The boys were only a short distance from Alan when they heard a loud crash and they raced around the side of the garage to find Alan collapsed on the ground beside a couple of knocked over trash cans.

"Alan?!" Jeremiah darted forward and lifted the unconscious boy into his arms. "Damn it Jeffery, the Bean's got a fever! You've got to wake mom and dad!"

"How?! The doors are locked, remember?!" Jeffery said as he knelt beside Alan and Jeremiah. He tentatively placed a hand on Alan's cheek but recoiled at the heat.

"Think of something!" Jeremiah said as he lifted Alan into his arms.

Jeffery started racking his brain for a way to wake his parents without waking the entire neighborhood and it occurred to him to run over to the family car. Elbowing the car hard enough set off the car alarm and Jeffery covered his ears as he jumped back in fright at the loud blaring noise that preceded his attack on the car.

Almost immediately the living room lights came on and Jeffery began pounding his fist on the door. When the door opened, it was to a sleep rumpled Ms. Woods. Jeffery grabbed her arm and yanked her out of the house and around the side of the garage where the boys still were.

"What's the matter with you boys?" Ms. Woods asked before she noticed Alan lying limply on the ground. "What happened to him?"

"We don't know. He had to use the restroom and tried to hold it because the door was locked." Jeremiah said as he lightly shook Alan hoping to bring him around. "Jeffery and I told him to come over here to go and within minutes he was out cold."

Ms. Woods crouched down to feel Alan's forehead and frowned when she felt his temperature. It was much warmer than normal and judging on the pallor and rapid breathing from Alan, whatever was causing this fever was making him a sick little boy.

"We need to take him to the hospital. Let me grab the keys and leave a note for your father and we'll go." Ms. Woods said as she turned to run into the house. Jeremiah and Jeffery both lifted Alan from the ground and carried him to the family car before climbing in when Ms. Woods returned. The four of them left the Woods home and flew until they reached the hospital. Because Alan's medical records still listed Ms. And Pastor Woods as people to contact in case of emergency, Ms. Woods was able to authorize the doctors begin treating Alan for whatever had happened.

She paced around the waiting room, long bathrobe covering her pajamas, bunny slippers lightly shuffling along the floor. When the doctor came out, he approached Ms. Woods and the twins with a relaxed look.

"How is he?" Ms. Woods asked worriedly. She still considered Alan to be her son despite him no longer being her foster son.

"He'll be fine. Nothing a little rest and fluids won't fix." The doctor replied.

"What was wrong with him?" Jeremiah asked as he sat beside his little brother.

"It would appear that along with dehydration and exhaustion, Alan was working on a kidney infection. I've got him hooked up to an IV pushing fluids and he's resting right now. Maybe another hour with the IV then I will let him go home." The doctor said as he looked at Ms. Woods and the twins. "When he gets out, might I recommend he drink cranberry juice to help flush the infection in his kidneys? He'll be good as new after drinking juice for a couple of days.

"Yes, when we leave here I'll stop at the store and one of my sons can run in to get him some juice. We only have apple juice back at the house." Ms. Woods said. "Can we see him?"

"Sure thing." The doctor led Ms. Woods and the twins back to a curtained off area before opening the curtain to reveal Alan sleeping soundly.

… … … … … … …

An hour later, Ms. Woods pulled the family car back into the driveway of her home before climbing from the vehicle to retrieve Alan from the back seat. She held him tenderly in her arms as she walked up to the front door, waiting on Jeffery to open the door and let her in with the sleeping boy in her arms. As soon as she entered the house, she was met with an alarmed husband and a worried father, including equally worried sons.

"Where have you been sweetie?" Pastor Woods stepped forward and kissing Ms. Woods on the cheek.

"Didn't you get my note? I had to take Alan to the hospital." Ms. Woods said as she gestured at one of the twins to take Alan for her.

"Why? Is he okay?" Jeff asked as he became more worried than he had been previous.

"He'll be fine. He was a little dehydrated and has the makings of a kidney infection, but the doctor is sure Alan will be up and about in no time." Ms. Woods said as she took the bottle of cranberry juice into the kitchen to place in the fridge.

"What happened?" Scott asked.

"Your brother woke up and had to use the restroom, but someone locked the doors and he couldn't get in. From what the boys say, he went around to the side of the garage to take care of his problem and collapsed. That's when they woke me up by activating the car alarm. I took Alan to the hospital because he was running a pretty decent fever."

"How high was his temperature?" Jeff asked wishing he'd been woken up when this happened. He'd have gone with to be by Alan's side.

"102.4 according to the doctor at the ER. It was climbing when they were testing him but after giving him the fluids and antibiotics he required his fever went back down and broke within the hour." Ms. Woods said. She turned to watch as Jeffery hefted the bulk of Alan's weight into his arms and walked up stairs with him, his older brother following behind like a worried puppy. "Doctor said with a little R&R and plenty of fluids, he should be up and around in no time at all."

"So what's with the cranberry juice?" Gordon asked.

"It'll help to clean the infection out of his kidneys faster. Cranberry juice goes through you faster than water." Virgil replied, knowing from his studies that cranberry juice was often recommended for people with kidney and bladder infections because it made them have to use the restroom to relieve their bodies of infection.

"Right and thus the reason for the bottle." Ms. Woods replied before checking the time of the clock on the kitchen wall. "I think I'm going to head on back to bed, same as the boys. It won't do anybody any good to stay up all night and be tired the rest of tomorrow."

The family all nodded their agreement before they shut out the lights and everybody returned to the sweet call of their beds. As the lights went out, not a soul stirred.

… … … … … … …

The following morning found Alan waking up in bed, warm yet sore. He looked around before rolling over onto his back. Releasing a wince and a hiss, Alan suddenly sat up when he realized he wasn't in the treehouse but the actual house.

'_What happened last night?'_ Alan wondered to himself as he rubbed at his back. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Alan took notice of the arm dangling off the bed beside him and he glanced back to see Jeremiah sound asleep and sawing logs loudly. Tilting his head to look up, he saw a similar arm dangling from the top bunk and he grinned as he heard Jeffery mumbling in his sleep. Those were the twins for you. Both noisy as could be in their sleep. One snored loudly while the other you could hold conversations with that made absolutely no sense to anyone but the sleep talker.

Sliding from the bed, Alan placed the pillow he'd been resting his head on beneath Jeremiah's arm to substitute for him and he crept from the twin's bedroom. He had some pretty urgent business to attend to and he didn't think it could wait.

When he exited the central bathroom a few minutes later, he decided against returning to the twin's bedroom and instead crept downstairs. Even when living with the Wood's family for those six months, he'd been an early riser. Usually he just stayed in his room drawing or something, but since being reunited with his family, he'd begun venturing outside his comfort zone little by little.

Going into the kitchen, Alan found the box of Stacy's Applejacks cereal. Standing on his tiptoes, Alan tried to reach the top shelf without climbing on the counter to reach the bowls and when that failed, he began jumping up and down to try to reach. However, he whirled around in fright when a slightly tanned hand grasped a bowl from just above his ability of reach. He wasn't expecting Gordon to hand him the bowl he'd grabbed.

"Here you go Sprout." Gordon said as he handed his younger brother the bowl he'd grabbed for him.

"What are you doing up?" Alan asked as he willed his heart to quit racing.

"I'm always up early. It's a habit. I like to go for a morning swim when we're on the island and it's hard get my laps in when I've got to compete for the pool with everyone." Gordon said before reaching up again and grabbing a second bowl.

"Do you mind if I have breakfast with you?" Gordon asked timidly as he raised the bowl and waved it in the air showing his younger brother that he too was hungry.

"No. I don't mind." Alan said softly as he once more stood on his tip toes to try to reach the cereal box and gave up after a moment when he couldn't reach it. Why did being a kid have to mean you were perpetually short? It was at that moment that Gordon came to Alan's rescue once more and grabbed the box of cereal and started to pour it for his younger brother.

"Say when, okay Sprout?" Gordon said before pouring some cereal into Alan's bowl. It wasn't until Alan made a noise that Gordon quit pouring the cereal in favor of filling his own bowl. Afterwards he made his way over to the refrigerator to retrieve the milk. When he went to pour the milk in Alan's bowl the boy shook his head furiously making a mm-mmm noise which caused Gordon to pause. "What's up kiddo?"

"I'm lactose intolerant, drinking regular milk makes me sick. Isn't there a carton of non-dairy in the frig?" Alan asked as he limped over to the refrigerator to check for himself and sighed when he found his special milk in the door. "Here, this is the kind of milk I can drink."

Gordon took the carton of Lactaid and looked at it before shrugging. Pouring some of Alan's milk into his cereal, he soon followed after pouring regular milk into his own bowl. Alan took a seat on the couch in front of the TV before turning on the television and flipping channels. Gordon dug into his cereal with fervor that Alan had never seen before while Alan just nibbled lightly on his cereal.

"So Sprout, you think maybe you'd like to go to the park later today with me to try another of the Pastor's trust exercises?" Gordon began and frowned slightly when Alan returned his spoon to his half eaten bowl of apple jacks before pushing the bowl away. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No. I just don't know if I want to go to the park again. I don't want those boys to pick on me again." Alan replied softly.

"They won't kiddo. If they do, with your blessing I'll give them what for." Gordon said as fire burned in his eyes. "That's what big brothers are for Allie, to protect the younger one and to be their friend. We won't go if you don't want, just know that I will protect you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So here's the latest update to Never Look Back - Belonging, what'd you think? Like it, love it, hate it, wish you could throw a nuke at it and watch it burn? Yeah, sorry that's my dark humor coming to light...ha ha dark and light yeah, I'll just shut up now.<strong>_

_**Anyway, be on the look out for the two latest chapters to Rising From The Ashes, I finally got those done and will be posting them shortly. I apologize for the sporadic posting of chapters, life smacked me hard in between the eyes and suddenly it just became really hard to focus on both college, another potential move, work and my writing. Hopefully I can get caught up on my school work enough to not feel like I'm drowning and can hang a few new chapters out to dry. Spring break just can't come fast enough in my opinion.**_

_**Reviews are loved and make me smile!**_

_**~Summer-Can't-Come-Fast-Enough-Angel~**_


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